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NCT 'friends'

48 replies

Queazy · 03/01/2015 16:47

Just wondering who made real friends via NCT and has stayed in touch. I was sad that my group drifted apart, or maybe never really bonded, but we were all in contact in the early days when it really helped.

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TheBookofRuth · 03/01/2015 21:19

Ah, not me then Spaghetti. I did move away but there wasn't a Facebook group.

I just couldn't relate to my group at all. Most of them had nannies and their offsprings' names down for public school before birth. One of them even had a title. They were nice enough but "different worlds" didn't even begin to cover it..

TheBookofRuth · 03/01/2015 21:19

Ah, not me then Spaghetti. I did move away but there wasn't a Facebook group.

I just couldn't relate to my group at all. Most of them had nannies and their offsprings' names down for public school before birth. One of them even had a title. They were nice enough but "different worlds" didn't even begin to cover it..

Biscuitsneeded · 03/01/2015 21:26

There were 6 of us. One went back to Australia, but the other 5 or us meet up probably 3 times a year for dinner (DC are about to turn 10 in March). We are all very, very different, but they are all very decent women with a SOH and I can't see that we would stop getting together. They're not like my day-to-day, tell anything to best friends, but I am fond of all of them.

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cookiemonster100 · 04/01/2015 21:56

There were 8 couples in our group. We met up in the early days as a big group but we split into 3 groups. I was good friends with 2 other girls, one of them i would say one of my closet friends.
I would say quite early on I felt quite down after our big group meets & didn't feel like I enjoyed them. I think I subconsciously joined baby classes on my own as I wanted to meet new people.
Funnily enough we have just moved & we were thinking of doing something through NCT for baby 2 so I could meet new mums in our area. But now I am not so sure.......!

Allegrogirl · 04/01/2015 23:07

I did NCT in 2007. There were 8 couples on the course and about 6 of us met up weekly when on mat leave. Of those 6 two couples moved away, one of those couples we still see about 3 times a year.

I am very close to two of the remaining mums but they don't get on so well with each other so I end up seeing them separately which is a shame as they are two of my closet friends and live locally.

So I have 3 good friends after just over 7 years so not too bad. Was good to have a crowd to hang out with in the early days even though we haven't all stuck together.

Iggly · 05/01/2015 06:39

Drifted away quite quickly from mine. It didn't help that the group all lived close to each other, except me and I didn't drive. They used to meet regularly and I wasn't always invited (before babies arrived even!) so quite quickly I felt isolated.
I think I found it harder and took it personally because I was struggling with ds so felt down about everything. Especially at the last meet up - I organised a free baby music taster session but didn't get any thanks for it. Also the other mums were organising a holiday together Hmm while I was there but not including me. Ouch!

Now I shrug my shoulders and say meh - if I'd lived near them I would have seen them more etc. But I did find a couple of them a bit jarring, especially as they basically bullied one mum into giving her baby formula and laughed about it when recounting the story. She later told me (when she dropped me home) that she had cried about it.

JoandMax · 05/01/2015 06:56

We had 5 in our group 6.5 years ago, we all spent so much time together in that first year.

We all gradually moved away, I'm now an expat but we still always get together when I go back and keep in touch frequently on FB/emaisl. We all get on great and made such a tight bond with each other it just falls back to being as if we'd been together the day before.

1 in particular is one of my best friends, she's coming out with her family for a visit in February half term and I cannot wait!

MrsJamin · 05/01/2015 07:01

Had ds1 7 years ago and we still get together every year, some I see more often. I was so skeptical before doing nct that I would see any of them again but they are a friendly, funny, clever bunch and no competition in sight.

Metalhead · 05/01/2015 08:08

8 couples in our group 5 years ago, we met up most weeks until all the kids started school in September, since then it's become much less frequent. I'm lucky in that I'd class all of them as friends, albeit some closer than others. Two couples we have over for dinner maybe a couple of times a year, and one we see at least once a month at the weekend. We also still meet up for a big joint birthday and Christmas party for the kids. I'm really glad I did the course for that reason, as I never made any friends at baby & toddler groups.

rookiemere · 05/01/2015 08:14

My NCT lot were right at the other side of the city, so although I remember them as being nice ( DS is 8 now) I'd have been as likely to fly to the moon as attempt a two hour round trip in those early days.

Luckily we had a doctors antenatal group and that was great for the first year when I was off. We met as a group weekly, then when I and others went back to work we'd meet up occasionally. I drifted away for a few reasons - busy at work 4 days a week, they all lived a bit closer than I did so within a couple of streets but I'm a few blocks away, was unable to have a second DC which was hard as they all started to have them, didn't really gel with some of the ladies.
There was one that I really liked, but I didn't want to meet her singly in case that was rude to the others.

I look back gratefully for the support system at the time and it's nice to bump into them, but now I'm busy enough with pre DC friends and also recently started our own street Book Club. A lot of the time these friendships are more to do with availability and common interests, so when they run dry then it runs it's course.

VikingLady · 05/01/2015 08:26

I'm not in touch with any of them. I'd expected them to be more into breast feeding/attachment parenting/general hippy stuff than they were. I think they think I'm a loon for still bf my 2yo!

But the friends I've made have been through feeding groups and on a meet up thread on here. Brilliant friends, some of which I think will be for life.

RoundYonPreMadonna · 05/01/2015 08:36

Not NCT but NHS a antenatal classes. 4 of us are still really close. In fact, we're having coffee this morning.

Our babies are about to turn 19 Grin.

Christelle2207 · 05/01/2015 09:01

There were 8 of us, liked all of them and saw them quite a bit when on ML but much much less now (2years on) though I know some of them see each other as they live close- the rest of us are quite spread out and work different days. Am disappointed that I am not going to get the close friends I was hoping for, that said I have made some others, much more local, via a children's centre group I went to.
I do think the nct group was very helpful and supportive in the early days though. Initially we would meet once a week and it was the only time I'd leave the house. Unless you have other "baby" friends I'd recommend doing the course to have friends in the early days, even if they don't last.

CommanderShepard · 05/01/2015 10:07

6 of us; it's harder to get together now there's work and things again but most of us try to meet up once a week and one mum in particular has become a very good friend to me (helps that she lives closest). I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to NCT but I'm really glad I did.

moonbells · 05/01/2015 10:15

There were seven in our group. I wished that I could have stayed friends with several of the others, but I had to go back to work after 5 months and they continued on having the coffee meets/had full mat leave. Gradually I realised I wasn't being invited to meals out and then it stopped entirely when the babies were 3-4yo toddlers and several of them had two children. I hope some of them are still in contact as they were a nice bunch, but being f/t made it difficult when the coffee mornings were invariably just that! Facebook would have helped in retrospect. Sad

My work colleague and his wife otoh are still happily in contact with their NCT group after 7 years, but she works p/t so can get to the coffeeshop meets. I think if you are pushed for time then something has to give.

Bedsheets4knickers · 05/01/2015 13:18

4 years in and we are 4 down to 3 after a blazing row over the kids. On New Year's Day to put the cherry on top

tostaky · 06/01/2015 21:15

Two from my NHS antenatal class. I did consider NCT classes but they are so expensive!!!!
I did a NCT postnatal course (for free!) as well and met another friend there.

Littleturkish · 06/01/2015 21:40

My NCT group was a non-starter for me. One woman I did seem to click more with moved away, I had quite bad PND and struggled with my ED following the birth of my daughter, and probably came across as quite 'off' with them, especially in the first few months when I was very emotional. I removed them all from my FB after there was a meet up and the venue was changed at the last minute to exclude one woman who was a bit awkward. It just made me realise I really valued my actual friends, and that none of them were really my sort of people.

WalkingThePlank · 06/01/2015 22:16

My group of 7 was 9 yrs ago. We met every week for about a year and then less often until about 3 years when the personalities got in the way.

We had 1 mum who would literally sit in the middle of our circle, demanding to be centre of attention which she usually received. Any other conversations were drowned out by her droning on. She'd brag about her tacky designer purchases, funded by her parents and in-laws. Amazingly most of the group were in her thrall, especially her lieutenant who was desperate to be like her.

It came to a head when I failed to attend a particular meet up. Much offence was taken at this slight and I was defriended on Facebook by Alpha and Beta Mum. I took a step back from the group then and haven't missed them at all, except the one who had left for Australia already but we talk by email every week. I randomly received Christmas cards from 2 of the others this year which surprised me as I've moved since then.

I expect they've probably imploded as a group by now - well here's hoping anyway!

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 06/01/2015 22:26

Our group met every week until the oldest children went to school. The Dads regularly went to the pub too and we had lots of family meals/bbqs/parties etc.

Three years on we're still very close to two of the families and in touch at least to some extent with them all.

I'll be forever grateful to my NCT girls for supporting me when I needed it most.

Heatherbell1978 · 07/01/2015 20:17

My group has been a strange one; 8 couples who all were there to make friends but there's just been a couple of us who make any effort to arrange meet ups. We chat a lot in a FB group I set up but that's it really. We get on great when we do meet up so not sure why it's like pulling teeth to get everyone there. Our wee ones are 4 months old ish. I'd love to think we'll be in touch for years but seems very doubtful.

PlummyBrummy · 11/01/2015 14:17

5 couples in our group 2 years ago. One mum you could instantly see was quite neurotic (listed all her ailments within 5 mins) and another was really competitive. I loved the other two couples but only see one regularly. Competitive was determined to be BFF with the other mum and made it pretty much impossible to get to know her better. I wish them all well but, after a many meet-ups where Competitive and Neurotic listed their (lovely and perfectly normal) babies' incredibly high achievements at 3 months old, to the exclusion of the rest of us, I knew I probably wouldn't stay in much contact. I'm really pleased with the little group of mates I've made from various other baby groups tho - they've been complete sanity savers!

Yoruba · 12/01/2015 14:43

I've done nct three times, with dc1 we moved away when she was tiny so we never really got the chance to get to know them in the first place. We are still in touch on Facebook a bit but nothing meaningful.

With dc2 I had a fab group most of whom I still see regularly even though the babies are now 2.6! Several are good close friends. I get on with everyone.

With dc3.... I just didn't click with them. I did make a real effort at first but with 3 very small dc it was difficult and all of their elder children were in nursery when we met which was awkward and affected what they did. They did waterbabies and other things all together which I couldn't do as I had a toddler too. It culminated in a meal out together when a couple of them were really rude to me and after that I just chucked in the towel. It felt like self flagellation every time we met which isn't what you need when you've just had a baby. Shame as there was one or two who I felt were really lovely.

I wouldn't worry op. There are lots of other opportunities to make friends and sometimes it just doesn't work. No point trying to force it.

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