Finding parenting really bloody hard & getting down about it - any advice please

[Jemster]

I have ds 7 and dd 2.5 and I'm finding things really difficult. They argue over everything, he winds her up & she constantly tells tales. DS moans if I ask him to help me do anything and all I do is pick up after them all the time although dd is actually not bad at tidying.
Dd is so demanding of my attention and I am at the end of my tether as she won't let me do anything without including her. I love playing with her but I get stressed if I don't get a chance to other things that need doing, washing, cooking, paying bills etc and they build up.
How do I get her to leave me alone for ten minutes now & then? Have tried tv and even that doesn't occupy her for long?

My relationship with dh is strained as I feel exhausted, irritable & stressed out by it all. Over the holidays ds has been staying up later & hogs all dh's attention so I feel like I never have any time with him.

Dd is also going through a phase where she won't eat any of the meals we have which is worrying me. DS is rude to me & no matter how hard I try to teach him good manners & behaviour it seems to fall on deaf ears. At Christmas he was rather cheeky at my 'perfect' sister in laws house & I had to listen to her constantly reprimanding him! Her children seem to be like perfect angels!

Where the hell am I going wrong? I love my family ao much but they are such hard work & sometimes I feel like I'm just not able to cope with it all.

Any advice really welcome please.

I'll be really honest, my dd is only young so I've not got to your stage yet but you didn't have any replies.

With dd playing alone, could you set a timer for a minute and agree when the timer goes you'll play something specific with her, read a book etc. then extend the time gradually as she gets used to playing by herself?

I presume you do the 'helping' thing, eg give a spray bottle with water and a cloth to 'help' with the cleaning etc.

What does your DH do when you try and chat about sharing the load? My DH needs picking up occasionally when I feel he's not pulling his weight, but talks about it like an adult and changes his actions.

I think it's normal to find it hard work. The complaining about being asked to tidy up and the rudeness sounds like my 7 year old daughter. I think Christmas has made her worse. Have you tried incentives for tidying? I've told my daughter that anything left on the floor that shouldn't be there will be confiscated to get her to do it.

With the toddler try to include her. If she wants to help with the cooking give her some veggies and a suitable toddler knife so she can join in. With the washing I used to ask my daughter to peg up the socks or match up the pairs or count up pegs. Anything that allows you to do it while she 'helps'.

Have you tried something like building a camp for her? I used to hang a blanket over a clothes airer or between a couple of chairs and help her set up a camp. Then she would sit inside and I could get something else done as long as I kept saying peebo every now and again. Try to encourage her imagination so that she'll gradually extend her play. Remember that it will get easier and in the next few months she will develop the ability to play on her own.

Another thing to try is some special unusual toys or things she can look at so that you get a few moments to yourself.

With the older child I find that I need to be firm about rudeness and nip it in the bud. I just try to speak calmly (not always!) and remind her that we don't speak like that. I also try to praise the good behaviour and remind myself that she'll be back at school next week!

I am marking my place as its late but I face similar issues and mine are a bit younger - I'll be back