Why aren't I enjoying it?

[Inthewaysince82]

Hi, first ever post so sorry if I get things wrong. My DD is 9 weeks old and is pretty much the perfect baby (so everyone keeps telling me). She sleeps a bit, she feeds fine (formula fed) and doesn't cry too much. I get out and about, see friends and family etc and DH is besotted and helpful.

So, my question is, why am I not enjoying it? I'm tearful all the time and feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the relentlessness of it. My maternity leave feels like a long, lonely abyss stretching out before me. People say it just gets harder. I feel like this isn't my life and that I've wandered into someone else's by mistake.

Is there such a thing as just not being cut out for motherhood?

(Ps congrats on dc2 - hope you've put in an order for a textbook, easy baby this time!)

Hope things improve for you OP. Can I suggest you go out on lots of walks when the weather is okay, as getting fresh air and exercise really helps mood? I will admit that I did some exam marking when DD was about 5 months old and enjoyed it a lot. I was that bored! I would also have happily gone back to work when she was 3 or 4 months but didn't feel I could due to extended maternity pay and the general judgement there would have been. Baby days are definitely not always what they are cracked up to be.

Just wanted to second what Bertie said. It's the most gigantic, impossible adjustment, and you have to adjust instantly (in some areas, like not popping to shops alone, feeding, night wakings etc), so of course other areas of adjustment will slow down - like learning to enjoy your DD. You're in shock. It passes, promise. No one prepares you - I don't think anyone could, TBH.

I felt SO much like you in the early days. I was sure I was a crap mum, sure DD would be better elsewhere, with a different mum and totally and utterly overwhelmed by everything. I wasn't at all sure I liked her, let alone loving (DD was horrendously hard work until she started sitting/crawling).

Now, there are evenings when I sort of want her to wake up so I can play with her/cuddle her/see her lovely smile a bit more. Obvs I don't wake her as I'm not insane, but I could never have imagined at 9 weeks that I'd feel this strength of adoration and love.

Look after yourself.

Humpty, how old is your DD now? Thanks for the ray of hope!

Thanks everyone, Humpty I confess I've also wondered whether I like her, but reading everything here has totally reassured me.

Things have been better lately but DH goes back to work tomorrow which I'm dreading. Have signed up for baby dancing, baby yoga and baby massage in a conscious effort to keep busy and feel like I'm doing things that benefit her as well.

And what weebigmamma said. There will be a humungous gap between what you are feeling and what your DH is feeling - it just doesn't hit men the same. They do get to be the same as ever, just with a baby. Sort of like getting a dog. But for you your whole life changes, even your sense of self changes. It's hard and weird but it gets better, and you make a new normal.

Bingle nearly a year old, and the idea of not seeing her for a few hours now makes me sad - she's off out with DH for the day, and I'm wishing she wasn't! It changes really fast. Hugs.