I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe for some sort of understanding from mums who have been in a similar frame of mind?
I have a 6 month old ds, I also have a 3 yo too. Ds has been a nightmare since the day he was born,(or conceived I had HG)reflux, low weight gain, velcro baby. He screamed for the first 4 months of his life until I stared weaning him which seemed to end the misery of reflux ( on advice from paediatriacian).
Anyway, he is such hard work, still up 2 or three times a night, fights every naptime and bedtime. Is pretty much a whingey baby who isn't getting enough sleep despite how hard we try to get him to sleep.
He is teething at the moment which has brought back the all day crying.
I just can't take anymore, he ruined Christmas day because he cried and whinged all day long, he wants constant undivided attention. If I hug my 3 yo he goes mad, if you take a toy off him, he goes mad. My 3 yo yells at him to be quiet, hardly surprising.
I wish I could go back in time and not have him, I love him but I wish he wasn't here 95% of the time. I have constant regret about ruining our lives and that of my 3yo who gets very little attention these days.
I had pnd with my 3 yo so I know it's not that, I genuinely wish he wasn't here, I don't wish him harm please understand that, but I wish we had stopped at one.
I feel terrible saying that, my poor poor boy it's not his fault. Please tell me if won't always feel like this, I can't bear it :-(