Did the wrong thing last night- baby slept in my bed- Do I need a beside cot for dd or will the three places she can choose to sleep do? 16 day old NOT sleeping at night!

[dottytablecloth]

Dd is 16 days and is not sleeping at night, she's great during the day but grizzles and feeds most of the night.

I've posted about this before and know it is fairly common BUT...

Last night I did a terrible thing and brought her into bed beside me as soon as she started to fuss and she stopped immediately. I knew there was no way I would fall asleep and was happy that she was calmer.

However, I did fall asleep and woke up 3 hours later when dh woke me. Dd still sleeping.

I know lots of people co sleep but I did everything wrong, she was between us, under duvet (not near face) and after reading about how to co-sleep safely this morning, I'm feeling quite stressed that I allowed her to sleep like this. I did think it was interesting that she actually slept though- was it a coincidence?

Anyway, I wondered if a bedside cot might be a good idea? Does anyone have experience of these?

They are £££ and I really can't afford to waste money though.

She has a cocoonababy, crib, icandy carrycot all of which she will sleep in during the day but there is no chance at night.

Don't feel bad, I did the same thing - I read so much about co-sleeping being dangerous that for 8 weeks I struggled getting no sleep and slowly getting poorly from it. I once fed her, fell asleep and woke up she was hanging off the edge of the bed (happily asleep), once I woke up and she was in the middle of us and my DH was just about to roll on to her - I'd no recollection of putting her there! I once tried to mumsnet to stay awake and fell asleep and dropped my phone on her! It was ridiculous. No matter what I did she would not go into her cot which was tied next to the bed! So at best I was getting 2 hours in 10 minute bursts. It was horrendous and most nights I'd spend in tears with my husband at a loss as to how he could help as I was bf other than giving me a hug at 3am there wasn't much he could do.

Anyway at my 8 week check the GP told me to bring DD into our bed if it would help. So we did. She's now 13 weeks and I sleep with my nighty shirt on unbuttoned and my dressing gown on behind me too (in the morning if it's very cold I tuck both me and DD in to the dressing gown and we like that!) DD has a sleeping bag. The duvet goes up to my knees only. My DH sleeps at the bottom of the bed (no room for any other way) but it's nice as we wrap our feet up together ). My pillow is behind my head and I naturally sleep in a C shape around DD. I only half wake to feed her in the night (10pm when we come to bed and 4am ish then 7am ish) the rest of the time we're both asleep and she just pulls away when she's finished, let's my boob drop and then plonks her head on my boob as a pillow!

I figure what risks there are, are less than the risk of me becoming ill or DD being at high risk of accident. She's bf, I don't smoke or drink etc... I like waking up to smiles from my little snuggly one which is a much nicer feeling than dreading the nights.

My mum once told me that parenting is about weighing up risks and just doing what you think is right at the time so we are doing just that.

I know hard not to feel guilty that you didn't follow to the letter the safe co-sleeping guidelines but good that you are thinking of ways to make it safer...I actually did the same thing when DD was newborn - she slept in between us a few times but not under the duvet...I was on such "new-mum high alert" that I just "knew" that if my partner was to have moved anywhere near her, I'd be awake...I also know from experience that once asleep he is like a corpse and never moves, hence why I thought it was ok for her to sleep between us. But then I actually realised I could relax more if she was just on my side, with a barrier to stop her falling off the edge of the bed !! I too felt very guilty when I realised that for a few nights I hadn't been following the proper guidelines but I think something has to be said for mother's instinct and trusting that even though you slept for 3 hours, you were probably in a lighter sleep than you think, and more aware of the baby than you think. Babies want to be close to their mother at night - your heartbeat, warmth, smell and breathing. It's only natural that they'd sleep better like that. Also your breathing on their face helps regulate their breathing in their sleep and 'remind' them to breathe. Try not to feel bad ! xxx

Also I had similar sleeping arrangement to PP above me -- pillow behind my head so it wouldn't go in DD's face - sometimes my arm in the way of it IYSWIM - and curled in a C so she had space. I then put a dropside cot next to the bed and gradually moved her away from me after every night feed...when she was tiny I'd still wake up with her right next to me, and have to keep gently moving her away...eventually she slept in the cot next to me so I could actually sleep in a normal sleeping position and relax a bit much was much preferable !!!! Then we moved her into own room in this same cot at 4 months as my every move would wake her up and I couldn't relax, was driving me crazy !!

Just came on because I saw people recommending a rolled up towel under the sheets as a bed rail - please don't do this! We coslept with my grumpy newborn and it was brilliant, but the safety stuff does matter, and having a rolled up towel or a pillow is a smothering risk, our midwife said that frankly they would be a lot safer falling off the bed at this age than rolling into a soft surface and getting stuck.

There are some great safe sleeping guidelines at cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/ - it's not actually all that hard and the only real investment I made was a cheap long sleeved high necked top from sainsburys !

Once my son was older and getting a bit bigger (and we wanted dh to fit back in the bed) we made our ikea cot into a sidecar by taking off one side, using our bed to wedge it into the corner of the room and adjusting the height and jamming rolled up towels down the side so there was no gap between for him to roll into. Worked brilliantly.

Congratulations on your newborn!

I have a newborn and a toddler and I 'confessed' to two midwives that I ended up co-sleeping with DS1 and couldn't see how not to with DS2. Both midwives this week have said don't worry - that's what we have done too. Even in hospital it was seen as preferable after a cs to have him in bed with me - that goes with my DS in 2012 and the one just last week. Follow all the guidelines as already mentioned (I do blankets up to my waist, warm top on, baby with his own blanket to waist and Dh in the spare room and soon will put my IKEA cot up again, one side off like suggested).