finding my 14 month old hard work at the moment........tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel

[queenrollo]

14 month old ds has spoiled us by being a total ray of sunshine........and now i'm finding my days hard.
he's been walking for a few weeks now and it seems that is when his behaviour changed.
he doesn't want to play with his toys, he just throws them around. if i try to do anything other than sit on the sofa he clings to me or starts climbing things so i have to go to him. this afternoon he has whinged constantly and reduced me to tears because whatever i did i couldn't appease him. i feel like i'm saying no to him all the time, because his main interests are things he shouldn't be doing/touching. when i do tell him 'no' he screams and cries.

he also has a thing about pulling hair and slapping heads/faces......

can someone give me some advice on how to deal with this, and is some of this just a phase? he's generally such a delightful child that i'm finding this change very hard to cope with. now i've written it down it seems so trivial but i'm worn out and need to deal with this before it makes me ill.

aaah yes, he has become a TODDLER . My dd was similar, she started to walk and suddenly, things changed around this house, I can tell you. Sorry to say, it's probably not so much a phase your ds is going through, as realising he can now reach the things he's been dying to get at for months, and what's more get mightily pee'd off when you don't want him too. It is such a shock to the system, especially if you've had an 'easy' baby (as we did) but you WILL learn to cope with it, honest.

queenrollo! sympathies and empathy! I'm going through the same at the moment with dd (16 months) she isnt quite walking Yet but cruising. She is constantly moaning/crYing at me when I'm not with her.
It is so hard and soul destroying I just want her to behappy AND to let me get onwioth something without crying for mY attention.

We've just come out of a horrible whinging phase with DS (16 months) it started a couple of months ago and he was such hard work all day long (he was also a previously easy baby) I couldn't figure out what had happened to him but a couple of weeks ago he went to bed with only two teeth and woke up the next more with two more front ones and abour four molars! So i've decided to put it partly down to that. As for the getting into everything I think that is here to stay for the forseable future.

We put catches on the kitchen cupboards but left one where he could go and get things (plastic jugs, wooden spoon etc) out to 'help' me when we were in the kitchen.

As for the pulling hair and slapping, just keep saying 'no hitting' calmly and firmly. He will get it eventually.

Tell him when you are going to leave the room, what you are doing and how long you will be. Start with literally seconds and then build it up to longer periods.

Is it a phase? Yes and no. At the moment he has just discovering which of your buttons to press. The things that stress you now will pass, but at this age I imagine that they will be replaced by something else. Pick you battles and try not to stress too much, remembering all the good things that come with him as he grows.

queenrollo,I swear you have been sitting in my house watching my ds.He's only just 12 months but your discription of throwing, clinging, climbing etc is spot on.He has been so easy so far I know I have been spoilt. He has also started having what I can only describe as mini- tantrums.

On the other hand it great seeing how he is suddenly also starting to try and 'talk'more, be aware when he has achieved something new, and getting better at playing with me, eg we roll balls to each other and he can roll/throwit back(although it doesn't always go inquite the right directionlol)

Notgot any advice sorry,but you are not alone.

well it's comforting to know that i'm not alone, and sympathy all round to those whose days are similar to mine.
i guess it doesn't help that i'm quite isolated where i live, so we only have each other for company most of the week. this morning he's been better, actually sitting with me and playing with his blocks and we danced to Boogie Beebies. i'll see if he'll go for a walk this afternoon. yesterday he just wanted me to carry him.....
i know the days seem harder with him because i'm feeling so tired. i guess i have to pick my battles with him.....although we do give him a lot more free reign than some friends do with their children. definitely need to put a stop to the hair pulling and our other big battle is keeping him away from the cooker!

DD is 16 months and sounds a bit like your DS. I think as she gets more self aware and independent she is also becoming more frustrated when she can't tell us what she wants.

The pulling hair and slapping is particularly worrying - she is doing it at nursery sometimes too. Again mainly due to frustration.

The way we deal with it is trying to distract her with other things, saying no when she does something wrong and then ignoring her. She loves attention so we are trying to teach her that she will get more attention when she does positive things.

I thought this behaviour wasn't supposed too start until they reached 2

Hi QR I hope it is just a phase, my ds, and it seems all of my rl friends babies have started waking again at night and we are all putting it down to teething. My ds goes through phases where he will bite pull hair etc but all the nos and gentle gentle seem to have paid off as he knows he shouldnt do it and kind of pretends to bite etc without carrying through (please may I not have jinxed myself saying that ). A lot of it is frustration I guess. If I go in the kitchen (off the family room so we can see eachother but not safe for him to be in) he sits at the gate shaking the bars and moaning and crying while I try to get things done, sometimes I give hiom a biscuit other times i feel really angry but try not to show it as know inside its not his fault. Sorry no pearls of wisdom just sympathy

Know how you feel QueenRollo! (fab name btw)

I think getting out and seeing other people can really help you both - I know you're isolated but start researching and see if you can find any kind of playgroup or playground. I'd go completely bananas if I stayed in all day with DS - he's 16 months and very like yours. I take him to museums, outdoor playgrounds, parks, anywhere he can run around and mess with stuff... he also loves being taken to the big Early Learning Centre in an out-of -town shopping centre. - we don't buy anything, he just bombs around the play areas and plays with all the stuff while I sit down. Then when I has a nap in the buggy I mooch round the shops or have a coffee and read. Even taking him supermarket shopping is better than staying in - he's OK sitting in the trolley if I keep giving him stuff to play with (vegetables, crinkly packets etc!) and the occasional snack.

when he has a nap I meant...