Caught 10 yr old DD taking money from my purse......... Help!!!!!

[kernowcat]

I caught DD in my bag looking in my purse there was money on the seat (She had gone back to the car to get something). Made up an excuse and denied taking money. DD and her friend were giggling to each other , i said to them both that I can now no longer trust them especially DD and that she will not be allowed to the shops without me or to other peoples houses because I cannnot trust her. I just feel sick.Any ideas how to deal with the situation? I have managed not to shout so far (which is good for me!)

Thanks GF (love the name!)smaller incidents have happened eg. sweets or chocolate belonging to other household members have gone missing and wrappers found in her room even though she denied taking them. I feel like I need to lock and hide everything

This may sound brutal, but I'd "nick" something of hers, something she really likes and will notice is missing pretty quickly. Deny all knowledge and keep it for 24 hours then give it back to let her know how it feels to be on the receiving end.

Tough love, but it may work.

I wouldn't do what MLZC suggests, myself (I have an 11yo dd1). It might work for younger children, but I think this requires a more thought-out response.

I'd make it clear, very emphatically and seriously, that taking money (or even going into your handbag, actually) was totally unacceptable, for whatever reason (joke, dare, needing cash etc), and how serious it would be if you felt you couldn't trust her.

Then, very calmly, I would try to find out the reason she was doing this, so that you can discuss alternative scenarios. If it was a dare, you need to have a chat about the need to make good decisions when other people encourage her to do silly things. If she needed the money, or wanted the money to buy sweets or whatever, then there needs to be a serious discussion about how much pocket money she gets, what she is expected to buy with it and how long it should last.

In the end you want to guide her towards a mature attitude where if she genuinely feels she doesn't have enough money, she could come to you and put her case, while also realising that your property is yours alone and that she has no right to tamper with your belongings.

I used to nick the odd bit of money from my parents. They never noticed ( or never said anything) and i stopped doing it. Didn't turn me into a shoplifter or anything!
Hate to say it, but could it just be a phase?

I got caught stealing money at about this age and my parents took it very seriously (and rightly so I think now). There was a sit down discussion with both parents about how bad it was (normally my mother did the discipline) and my pocket money got docked for ages.

I must say that it cured me because it made such an impression on me as to how serious it was and I wasn't tempted to do it again because of the consequences. It sounds like you have taken a similar approach and hopefully she will realise that this is BIG bad stuff and never try it again.

I'm not sure if it made me into the inherently honest person I am today but it can't have been a bad thing. The other day I was at the cashpoint and someone hadn't taken their money - I had called them back for it before I even thought about it!

Thanks to all.
We have had a good talk about it and hopefully thats the end of this incident. (Unfortunately she is very scatty and has trouble retaining anything not pertaining to fashion, music, make-up of friends!
Nobody warned me teenage starts at 10 not 13!!!