Stay at home mum OR return to work?!

[FraggleRock77]

We have one DS who is just one and I'm due to return to work in March. Luckily i don't have to go back if i don't want too. My job is very demanding, I'm a SW. I'm coming up to 38 and due to many reasons we may not be able to have another child (but we are trying). When i first became a new mum i really struggled with loosing my identity etc but now DS is so much fun and I'm torn. My job can be reduced to part time but i know it will be hellish! Will DS benefit from nursery? I worry about his development being stuck with me at home (although attending a lot of groups during the week). Experience needed please? X

I think you just have to go with a combination of heart and head. Can you afford not to work and is your OH on board with you not working? Are there moments now when you miss your job at all? What do you see yourself doing when your DC is older? The rest is a bit of a red herring.

If you are temperamentally suited to being a SAHM and you can afford to do it, why not go for it? And I say this as someone who went stir crazy after 4 months and has never regretted going back full time.

Nursery is a red herring, children thrive in a really good one.

Also remember that you will be 69/70 at the earliest before you will get a pension and can retire.

Therefore even if you take seven years out of workplace formally you will still have another 25 years to go.

Although can't always now what will happen is worth thinking really long term.

Many colleges and secondary schools also have roles which are often taken by SW - SAFE workers, Pastoral Managers etc. In the long term these have the advantage that given you're in the same local authority, you would probably have the same holidays as your DS.

Im a mum to two boys aged 8 and 3. I always worked part time everyone is different in their make up I needed to work financially but even if I hadnt I would probably still have choose to! I looked forward to my few days out at work I wanted to use my brain and chat to adults again - there is only so much iggle piggle you can watch :)

I have just started working full time last month due to being offered a new job, I really toyed with the idea as I was riddled with guilt about leaving them another 2 days as I had previously only worked 3 days a week. But the eldest is at school and youngest is at nursery now 5 mornings a week and spends the afternoons with his gran. It makes a huge difference to our income and takes a lot of strain off as we no longer need to worry about our finances. xx

I think it is all about personal choice and what is right for you and your family.

I love my work and although I'm only part time I often like the working part of my week better than the staying at home bit. My DD is two and I find it really hard work - equally I know SAHM who make it look easy and love it!

On one level I'd love to be a SAHM but I've chosen to work FT.
A) I'm not a natural "fun" mum thinking up new and creative things to do all the time, and the repetitive stuff (cleaning same toys etc) just makes me 'cross mummy'
B) even though I have a fantastic DH who shares the load 50:50, I worry about how vulnerable I would be if our marriage failed.
C) the extra cash even with childcare makes our life much more comfortable. I was 37 when DD1 was born and I am v conscious that I'll be nearing retirement when she finishes uni. It's not a long time to save up for fees, retirement etc. DH and I would have a v different retirement pot if either of us stopped work now.

Have no idea about your field at all but I would keep my hand in 3 days a week if it was doable. Or job share with an overlapping Wednesday for hangovers. That can work v v well

I worry about his development being stuck with me at home

Unless you never speak to him or take him anywhere, his development will be fine with you and possibly better than he would be having to share adult attention in group childcare.

There is nothing important that your DS could get in nursery that you can't give him at home and the flexibility to follow his own interests in combination and all the opportunities to explore and discuss things with you may support his development more effectively.

Thank you for all the feedback. It's great to read about other MNers experiences. I think it's a huge decision. I can't imagine making the choice to stay at home though and then my DH leaving! I think having a baby/family can at times leave women feeling very vulnerable x