I have a beautiful healthy new baby and couldn't be happier with that but my relationship seems to be crumbling and I really would love a bit of perspective from others that have been there.
I have traditionally taken care of all the house finances, mortgage, the diy, house maintenance, most of the shopping and cleaning.
Now I'm at home with the baby 24/7 I've asked him to step up. The trouble is, he's never done any those things so he just doesn't see them. So I keep asking and I've turned into a nag and he's got really fed up with me. And now every weekend when he's home from work it's strained.
Before I say any negatives, he's very good at getting the baby to sleep which is amazing, he offers to take her to give me some rest. I'm very grateful for that. He's not sleeping in the same room as us because he can't bear the crying, so he's not as tired as me.
But I need more help and he just doesn't get it. Am I asking too much?
For instance we have one less wage coming in, but haven't cut any costs yet because I've not had time to do a budget, for 3 months I've asked if he can do a budget and he hasn't and we're getting really over drawn. I've just not had any time to do it.
Another petty example, is that the lightbulbs in the kitchen and bathroom are slowly all going, there's now 5 out and only a few remain. I keep asking him if he could replace them as again I haven't had time but he just doesn't see it.
In the first few weeks we bought the baby back, he was visibly disappointed that dinner wasn't on the table or even planned when he got home from work. After 3 weeks I got really fed up and went to bed for a whole Sunday, leaving him with the baby. After this he said he could see how hard it was and I thought we'd had some breakthrough. But weeks on, he still gets home from work and asks for a cup of tea.
Every time I bring any of this up, I'm told I'm unreasonable or he asks me what he wants him to do, and then doesn't seem to do it. Plus I don't like also having to tell him what to do, I think he should be able to see it and act on it. I would love him to be able to see how hard I'm working and want to take care of me or take the load off.
When I'm breastfeeding and I have to keep asking him to pass me things, he sighs and rolls his eyes at me as if i'm being a right pain.
He also seems pretty uninterested in going out and doing stuff as a family, preferring to stay in and watch TV. I am finding this hard as we'd wanted a baby for so many years and I'd always seen other couples and felt really excited about us doing things together.
Can anyone advice on how to get through? Or if Im being unreasonable?
It's such a strain on what I thought was a strong relationship.
Thanks x