Leaving baby - don't know what to do

[Em1503]

My DD is 17 weeks and ebf. Me and DH have got a Christmas night out arranged with friends for a couple of weeks time, it's been arranged for ages, will be our first night out since she was born etc so we're really looking forward to it.

However I just don't know if I can go. We don't have many options for babysitters so it will be DH's dad looking after her. He's lovely but has never been very hands on with her so I'm not entirely comfortable with it. Also she hates taking a bottle of expressed milk, will scream and cry and get herself so worked up into a state and that's just for DH, although she does eventually drink it. Added to this she is currently going through the 4 month sleep regression so she's bound to wake whilst we're out, usually I'm the only one who can settle her back to sleep easily.

I feel sick at the thought of leaving her but DH says we can't miss out and we need a night out together without her. I do agree but can't bear the thought of her waking and I'm not there for her. DH says we'll come straight home if she gets really worked up but it'll take us about half an hour to get back. I really don't know what to do.

Nobody can tell you what to do. I can only tell you that whatever you decide, it is right for you. Completely normal not to want to leave the baby at this stage. You have to make a decision based on whether or not you think you will enjoy a night out at this point. If you don't want to go, don't go. It doesn't mean you'll always find it hard. It means you're not ready. Similarly, if you do go, have a plan for what will happen, how long you'll go for etc. Don't let anyone tell you what you should feel.

Em, you have a couple of weeks to try and get her to take the bottle. I was desperate for my DD1 to take a bottle so one day I made sure the was plenty in the fridge and left DH alone to deal with it. I just went and sat in a local cafe so could be home within 5 mins if needed. She screamed and was awful but eventually she took it, fed properly, slept and all was well. I was delighted to not be the only source of food for once, DH was delighted that he had fed her, and it meant we could leave her with my mum every once in a while and get some much needed adult time with friends.

I think if you try it now you may well crack it by the time yr night out comes around and then you can go out without worrying so much

I wouldn't have gone in your situation. I don't believe there are 4 month old babies who wake upset every evening then miraculously sleep through when looked after by someone else.

If I was hit by a bus then they would just have to make the best of it wouldn't they.

It's such a short time that they are this dependent on you.

I wouldn't go especially if I wasn't completely happy with the person babysitting.

What time would you need to leave...Could you give a feed before you go...I remember my DS used to have a 45 minute feed about 7 before bed. then would have a good sleep in the evening but up and down in night..

What is your LO feed and sleep like?

I also agree first time is the worst though my DS was 3 so really have no right to comment if you should go or not.

You could try if DD wakes if she is put down give her a bottle by DH sometimes so it is a bit more normal

There are no right answers here- you have to do what you think is best.

Personally wild horses could not have dragged me out in the evening away from my babies, but that's just me.

Em, if you don't feel comfortable don't go, there will be other nights out. Personally l probably wouldn't go. I didn't leave ds till he was 8 or 9 months, for a girly night out and was checking my phone every 10 min. Dp and l haven't had a night out since ds was born, but that's mainly due to no family/ other options nearby. Do what feels right for you x

I left my DD with my dad for an hour a week from about 12 weeks old. I was 10 minutes away and he struck lucky with never getting a stinky nappy (his worry) and I got used to not being her sole carer. She's now 6 and her grandad is her BFF. They have an amazing bond and I firmly believe it's partly due to the time he got to spend alone with her as a baby. Trust yo

Stupid phone.
Trust your instincts certainly but couldn't her grandad to do an hour here or there before the night out to get you all used to the idea of him doing a longer stint?

Don't go if you don't want to. I wouldn't have been up for it in your position. I'd be too tired for a start. There will be plenty of other opportunities to socialise.

My DH and I went out last weekend leaving 15 week old DS with my parents. He was in his house, with all his things, my mam has been to stay for days before so she knew his bedtime routine. He had a lovely time and when we came home it was honestly like we hadn't been away, he didn't know, to him we might have just been in another room! I leave him with DH for a couple of hours most weekends, he loves that he gets time alone with his son. I see DS as being part of a family and I want him to be happy with all of us! I also trust my mother completely and my DH, I am by no means the only person in the world who can look after him, even if I know him best. He's such a happy sociable boy who goes to anyone for cuddles so I don't worry, I admit if he seemed to have a problem being apart from me and DH or wouldn't settle with my Mam, I wouldn't have.

I think it's harder to leave them when they are EBF and won't take a bottle. I wonder how many FFers would leave their baby with no milk while they went out for an evening?

I didn't leave DS1 with anyone other than DH until he was 4 months, DH and I went out and left him with my Mum and Dad. The difference from your situation was that we were 5 minutes down the road and could have gone back at any time had he been unhappy.

It was pretty stressful making sure I had milk expressed etc though and we didn't bother again for a long while.

I was perfectly happy to leave him with DH when I knew there would be a feed gap, or with my parents, would have happily left him with MIL if she had ever shown an interest in me doing so So it wasn't that he was superglued, far from it. I just felt happier with DH and I doing bedtime and evenings rather than leaving him.