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Parents of bilingual children - tips?

15 replies

weelittlething · 04/12/2014 20:51

A bit of background: I'm Chinese by descent and speak the language fairly fluently, but English is undoubtedly my first language. My DH is English and has never really learnt to speak Mandarin (except for the odd word).

We have an 8mo who we really want to teach to be bilingual, at least at first. We know the advice is for both parents to speak to her in both languages but with DH's proficiency it's just not really possible. It would be great to get any tips from people who have managed it with their kids! We just don't know how and when to start.

OP posts:
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DuploEngineering · 04/12/2014 21:19

All the books/articles I've read would suggest One Person One Language in your situation I think - ie you speak just your language when you're speaking directly to baby and your DH speaks just English. We are in a similar situation (except I am English and DH is the bilingual one) and this approach has worked well for us. even though DC see us talking English to each other they still know to speak the other language to DH when they're addressing him directly.

it does help to get some books and TV programmes in the minority language as they get older just to increase their exposure.

there is a language/ bilingualism MN topic that you might find it worth looking at or asking for your thread to be moved to.

purplemurple1 · 04/12/2014 21:25

We speak our own language to ds but English to each other. I'm not in the UK so English is the minority language for us.
We also have books, tv in both languages I think this will be even more important for you.
Ds is only just starting to talk so I've no idea how. This will work out.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 04/12/2014 21:32

The more usual way (in my experience anyway) is OPOL - one person one language. I.e. you would always use Mandarin when speaking to your child, he would always use English to her. That way it is less confusing. Between you and DH you can use whichever language (or mixture) makes most sense, which if you are in an English-speaking country and he doesn't really speak Mandarin would presumably be English.

The other thing though is the sooner you start, the better, in general.

Have you been on the bilingual board on here? - they will have lots more advice for you I'm sure.

(Btw my children are not bilingual actually, but I have other experience of this).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

gutzgutz · 04/12/2014 21:38

Definitely separate the languages. You speak mandarin to baby and your husband english. Your mother/ father speak mandarin and you speak mandarin to your parents in baby's presence. I'm assuming here you live in the UK so english will be the dominant language and baby will pick this up naturally.

DH speaks his language to our boys, I understand it mostly but do not speak well. They are only 4 and 2 but they understand everything in both languages but mainly speak English back to him and to me. They do not get confused! The main thing for us is they understand and the speaking will come. We also read to them in both languages but only do writing in English at the moment.

What was amazing was this summer the boys and DH went to his country without me and DS1 started speaking the language properly for the first time out of nowhere. So persevere because it is worth it, especially with mandarin I imagine; what a fantastic skill for business!

weelittlething · 04/12/2014 21:41

Thanks everyone - I've asked if the thread can be moved to the bilingual board!

It's good to know about the OPOL strategy. Will it be discombobulating for her for me to start now though, as I've spoken to her solely in English for the first eight months of her life? She's just started seeming to understand things. (She goes still and listens when I say 'no' etc.) I'm the primary caregiver at the moment as my DH is working and I'm still on maternity leave. Starting to think I should have started earlier but it's just been so unnatural for me to try and speak Mandarin at home when my DH and I speak to each other in English. :(

OP posts:
Mintberrycrunch · 04/12/2014 21:44

I live in italy, and i speak to DDs in English, only english. Eldest is 4 and her level of English is really good, second is only 4 months so am doing the same, my DH speaks mainly Italian to them and we talk all together in English. DD also watches all her films in English too.

thomasstockmann · 17/12/2014 07:13

OPOL seems the best in your case + lots of exposure to Mandarin (amongst family members cousins are best as closer to their age and interests; amongst friends, it's good to "try" and make friends with children who speak the second language by going to clubs and playgroups).

Just a few myth busting facts. In the general population, girls develop language earlier than boys. They're also more "driven" towards language based subjects at school.

Also your first child is more likely to achieve a higher degree of bilingualism than subsequent siblings (so if you have a girl first, chances are higher than for a boy second child for example). Of course these are just general trends. A first baby boy might become highly competent in both languages.

You wonder when is best to start: in the womb! Here's a recent piece of research suggesting that a first language is imprinted on the brain, even if the language is "lost" later in life.
www.theguardian.com/education/2014/nov/20/lost-first-languages-leave-permanent-mark-on-the-brain-new-study-reveals

Another important point. What is YOUR definition of bilingualism? That your children understand? That they can understand and speak? That they can understand, speak, read? Or everything: understand, speak, read, write? And to what level? All situations including formal business type conversation, reading literature or reading transport signs?
Reading and writing as well as learning formal registers will require formal training? Depending how it is presented it can this formal training can act as a support for understanding and speaking or become a hinderance because the child finds speaking easy but starts finding writing and the exercises going with it difficult and tedious with no direct relevance to them.

This brings me to the last point. Keeping an overt relaxed attitude to learning the language is crucial (ie it is simply what we do here in our family, it is our default environment). Unfortunately if language becomes like trying to feed your child greens and met with a constant refusal/battle, it wI'll create resentment and chances of your child being bilingual will rapidly diminish. Try to keep it fun (and never mention you're doing something different/special). We're listening to a song. It happens to be in Mandarin but you don't need to spell that out to your child. You're just listening to a song together. An same for everything: books, tv, taking to the shop assistant, talking on the phone... Nothing special, just what we do.

Good luck!

thomasstockmann · 17/12/2014 07:17

With all the typos you wouldn't think I'm a linguist hey! Sorry. My baby is pulling at my pyjamas...

blackgoat · 20/12/2014 18:32

We are trying to raise our DS (10 mo) to be bilingual too. We stay in the UK, I was raised abroad so can speak another language.
I have been finding it difficult as English now comes more natural to me. my DH and DSD don't understand my native language. I come from a tiny country so I don't know anyone else who speaks the language here.
I try and speak to my DS in my native language when I'm alone with him, but the minute DH, DSD are home when we are out and about I switch to English...
I don't have any real advice but from what I have read it's not too late at 8months for you to start using Mandarin..good luck!

UptoapointLordCopper · 02/01/2015 21:05

OP It took me quite a while to get used to speaking Mandarin to my DC, since I've been using English all this time. But 10 years down the line we speak Mandarin to each other and it's really nice. 8mo is not too late!

hp2014 · 22/01/2015 20:26

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PippaB007 · 26/02/2015 20:18

I've seen bilingualism turn problematic if both parents don't understand both languages. It can very much exclude one parent. (However, in this case the marriage was already strained.)

It works well in our household, but that is also because everyone understands everything.

Luna9 · 20/03/2015 21:26

My kids are bilingual; my husband doesn't speak Spanish but I try to speak Spanish to them all the time; if you speak mandarin to them and your husband English they will learn it. My oldest one is now yo Saturday Spanish school; I read her books in Spanish; ask her to read a bit of Spanish everyday and watch TV in Spanish. No reasons why your kids can not speak both languages

AmyLeeha · 20/03/2015 22:13

My husband and I speak to the children in our respective mother tongues and so far both kids are doing fine with that (1.5 and 3.5). The chasten also go to a creche in the country we're in and despite us never using that language ourselves,they've been assessed as fluent for their ages. It can't continue, but DS joined when we moved here and he was 18 months and had never heard this language, so I don't inagine 8 months is too late, especially if you're consistent (which may be more of a challenge for you!).go for it though, it's like giving the child a free gift!

pinguina16 · 20/04/2015 19:19

A couple of links about bilingual infants.

First one shows bilingualism is not a guaranteed outcome. It very much depends on the circumstances.
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-bilingual/201410/the-languages-you-speak-your-bilingual-child

The second is about nurturing bilingualism.
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-bilingual/201104/nurturing-bilingualism-in-children

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