Can't stop crying, what have I done wrong?

[BernieBear]

I just don?t know what to do or think or what I have done wrong? I am a single mum who has a ds (2.7). He sees his Dad every other weekend from Friday til Sunday and the interim Friday for the day. Additionally he is/will have approx. 4 weeks a year (a week at a time) with him. If ever his Dad has a problem with the days or arrangements I make sure things are changed round because my ds adores his Dad and it is important to my ds. (although it kills me inside). We have just come back from a couple of days away with some friends and my ds had the best time (as did I as this was my first time away with him). However once we got home he said ?not Mummy?. When I said what is not Mummy he said that he didn?t love Mummy, only Daddy.?. I am heartbroken, I do everything for/with him even to my own detriment (i.e. letting him go for those weekends/weeks). We haven?t had any problems, he gets loads of hugs, love and positive reinforcement. What on earth am I doing wrong. I know they can go through phases of this but I thought it was a few years a way yet. He has, from about 16 months old tended to be a Daddy?s boy and sometimes doesn?t even seem happy to see me after a weekend. I am just so upset and can?t stop crying (away from ds). I didn?t react when he said it, but just can?t work out where this came from/what caused it? Does anyone have any ideas/advice/wine????????

You haven't done anything wrong apart from forget he's only 2

He's not punishing you

Of course he loves you

He is manipulating you to get an effect .. although not as nastily as the word 'manipulating' means ...

try to stop reacting to it .. I bet you do .. I bet you try to elicit smiles, hugs, lots of I love you's .. I bet you give him loads of positive reinforcement

here .. have a glass of merlot

my mum's friend, who is a hv, said that mums were like part of the furniture, that they had to have there but forgot to appreciate with the big gestures

my dd1 was always delighted at 2 when dh came home from work even though I'd been stoically being lovely to her all day

they're fickle little fecks. But they do, they do, love us

I agree with Twig, Bernie.

This is the age at which they begin to be very aware - or experiment with - what love and family relationships mean. he will be trying out saying it - DS used to say all sorts of things like that.. He may well miss his dad sometimes, and maybe not know how to express it in terms of 'not mummy', because that is the way he experiences his da - when you are not there. BUT that is a long long way from not actually loving you.

Of course he loves you.

Totally agree with all that's been said. I work f/t and DP looks after my sons 3 days a week. My eldest who's 2.7 has always favoured me...even bursting in to tears when DP goes in to get him up in the morning and screaming 'I want my Mummy'. I was forever consoling DP by saying it's hard work being at work F/T and then being the parent of choice all the time. THEN recently I was off on 3 months maternity and it all changed. Once he got used to me being around more he wanted Daddy, Daddy, Daddy and to be honest I felt really upset about it. THEN last night (I'm now back at work) he was saying he wanted me to do the bedtime routine again.

You can't win but know for sure that he loves you very much and that he'll look back as an adult and realise that you were the heroine in his childhood.

Many many thanks for your kind words and apologies for my delay in replying; my ds has come down with bad cold/sore throat thing so am lurking with the Tixylix! You have helped to put me back on the straight and narrow again, although I now realise that I was probably 1) over tired (as was ds) and 2) reacting to something that his father once said about our ds wanting to go and live with him in the end anyway (said in a rather nasty way) and this is something that constantly haunts me, so I reacted to that rather than what ds said I think. It is so nice to know that there is somewhere I can come in times of "crisis" and thank you all again. TWIG - thanks for the Merlot, much needed and much appreciated and also thanks Robin - what a lovely way of putting things, I try so hard to make a hard situation "good" I hope that my ds does see me as a heroine in the end. much love to you all x

I was just thinking tonight as I put my little Ds down to sleep in his cot how, when you are poorly, there's nothing like a 'Mummy cuddle' as my kids call it.

Its great he loves his Dad but honestly.. there's nothing like your Mummy.

Also, when he grows up he WILL totally know how much you have done for him.

Awwww, don't worry about it, it is normal manipulative behaviour from a 2 year old! Our ds often says 'I'm not your friend' and I just say 'well that is sad because I am your friend'. Sometimes I will ask him later if he is my friend again and he'll say 'yes I'm your friend and dd's and dh's friend'. He often does it to dh when he hasn't seen him much (he's often away with work) but comes around after a few hours once he's seen him again. It would be more worrying if your ds said nothing at all - he is just trying to get a reaction and adjust from going from one place to another. He does love you!