Just a little one, because I'm being a bit pathetic.
My 4 year old DS started preschool today. He'll be there for 3 hours a day, 3 days a week until he settles in, then it will be 5 hours a day. For various reasons (second maternity leave, international move, struggle to find a preschool) he's been at home full time with me since he turned 2 (before that he was with a wonderful childminder).
His 2 year old sister has also gone with him for the morning, as the preschool had a space in their toddler room. The plan is for her to go for one 5 hour session a week, so that I can have a free day for driving lessons and to catch up with house work.
So I've just dropped them off and I'm sitting in a silent, empty house. I have not been away from both of them for more than 2 hours at a time since DD was born, and I could count the times that I have. I'm feeling a bizarre mixture of guilt, anxiety and elation. I'm a very anxious person anyway (to the point of it being an issue, I'm starting to think) and my stomach is knotted with worry that DS will struggle with the structured environment or won't fit in with the other children, and that DD will be upset at being left, and that I'm a bad person for being a SAHM who has shipped her children off.
I know that learning to drive will improve the lives of everyone in the family, and that I'll be a calmer, happier wife and mother if I have a little breathing space and a cleaner house. I also know that DS will benefit from the structure and socialization and will be better prepared for starting school next year, and that DD will be fine. The teachers at the preschool seem lovely and calm and very experienced, and that DS won't be the first quirky child they've ever taught.
That's it really. I have laundry to sort and grocery shopping to do, so I need to stop picturing DD howling in a corner, or DS causing havoc.