Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How long , if at all, do you leave your 23 month old alone?

53 replies

cleoteacher · 01/12/2014 19:22

Dh did a stupid thing and left pills within reach of ds , I hadn't realised they were there, when ds was alone and we were upstairs.

Rung nhs direct and was given a long lecture from the nurse about leaning ds on his own for this period of time. She stated he was too young to be on his own for this length of time and made me feel very guilty and like a bad parent.

I am due dd in feb and I must admit I have purposely been leaving ds on his own for slightly longer periods to get him used to being more independent and used to it so that come feb I am able to change dd nappy or put her to bed/nap with some quiet whilst ds plays nicely downstairs and I know he is happy on his own. Or just to go to the toilet and do some jobs upstairs during the day.

So my question is. How long do others leave their nearly 2 year old alone for? How long is an acceptable period of time to leave him?

I should add he is not just left , he is checked on, I call downstairs to check he's ok regularly and listen out for him and if it goes silent tend to go downstairs to see what's going on.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

toptomatoes · 02/12/2014 08:18

I don't leave my 21 month old on a different floor unless she is in the same room as her older siblings and engrossed in something and even then only for a couple of minutes tops. I just take her with me and let her potter within earshot/sight while I get things done. She's a good climber so I wouldn't trust her alone!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 02/12/2014 08:23

cleo - I think that is a little bit long but time sort of stretches when you're doing other things!

Re: your new baby. I have a 13 month gap between my 10 month old and 23 month old. Obviously DS was far too little to leave for any length of time - even in the playpen then - so DD slept and was fed downstairs during the day. That meant I didn't really need to leave DS. Could you consider that?

VeryStressedMum · 02/12/2014 08:24

Might be a good idea to bring him upstairs when you're in the shower then at least when you get out and are getting dressed he's with you

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

kiki0202 · 02/12/2014 08:31

DS could play for ages alone at that age with me checking every 15 mins and shouting to him if I couldn't hear him we are in a flat but even in our old house it was tiny with the stairs in the sitting room so I could hear him everywhere. Even if he was in the room with you he could have got to the pills my friends daughter got them from her grans bag while they were both sitting in the same room I think it's just a case of childproofing and being careful about what you leave around.

Don't stop leaving him alone if he's happy and generally safe it was a stupid mistake to leave the pills out but learn from it and move on.

bonzo77 · 02/12/2014 08:40

I leave mine for ages. 20-30 minutes is quite usual while i am cooking or cleaning etc. but I have really toddler proofed very thoroughly, catches on all doors, stair gate on the kitchen, things out out of sight / reach. DH is hopeless for keeping stuff safe, so I do a sweep as soon as he goes to work putting things away. DS2 is a prolific climber, but the only accidents have been when he's been egged on / lead astray by DS 1 (4.8).

bouncinbean · 02/12/2014 09:04

I have a 17 month old and the other day spent about 30-40 mins making some food in the kitchen while she played in the living room. That said the room is childproofed and I probably popped in and stuck my head round the door every 5-7 mins just to check all was ok. (Most of the time she never noticed as was so engrossed first in her book and then the tv)

Ramona75 · 02/12/2014 10:01

My dd just screams the place down if I leave the room without her, so she goes everywhere with me!

NewEraNewMindset · 02/12/2014 10:03

Hmmm if by 'left alone' you mean in a different room then lots! If you mean different floor of the house then rarely. Maybe 5 mins here and there while I'm putting washing away.

sydlexic · 02/12/2014 10:10

30 seconds.

Stitchosaurus · 02/12/2014 10:17

I regularly left mine alone at that age for 20-30mins. We live in a small house so I always knew where he was and what he was doing, even if he was on a different floor. Plus he was very happy on his own and was pretty chilled so no climbing or wrecking things. It really does depend on the child I think.
Now he's 3, he'll play in his room for up to an hour each morning while we sleep - it's bloody brilliant!

And yes, obviously you need to get your DH is be a lot more careful about what he leaves lying around!

SolomanDaisy · 02/12/2014 10:26

20 minutes to half an hour is a long time on a separate floor. I wouldn't leave my three year old that long. Maybe twent minutes while I'm cooking, but I can hear what he's doing as he's just in the next room and I check on him. And he comes to see me. Shower is five minutes, quick check on him, five minutes to get dressed.

Bedsheets4knickers · 02/12/2014 11:37

15-20 mins here 2, maybe I'm upstairs putting washing away or making beds .If she would give me longer I might attempt to give the bathroom a quick once over but she never does. I do make sure front door is locked toilet door is closed and obv nothing's cooking on the stove x

listed · 02/12/2014 11:45

We have a smallish flat and D's mostly toddles about amusing herself.

I check in on her every so often but I suppose it's not unusual that she plays on her own for 10 or 15 mins whilst I'm doing something.

There are no steps or particular hazards though. I like to think she'd be checked on before she had time to get up to much, although I appreciate that it often only takes a second.

unlucky83 · 02/12/2014 12:26

I wouldn't leave a 2yo that long - and definitely not if I couldn't hear them (so eg in the shower). Because you can never foresee everything that can happen and like in your case there might be a hazard you didn't expect - or something had been done slightly differently (the tablets left out). And they still have no sense of danger etc...
Several years ago when my DD1 was 2 or 3, I left her in her bedroom playing whilst I went downstairs to put a load of washing on. As I went past I noticed DP had left our bedroom window open - something I'd told him not to do but it wasn't kept locked, not a major problem because she couldn't reach it. BUT we'd been decorating and put a small sofa under the window. Worse I realised but she was happy playing in her room and I would only be a few minutes. Came back upstairs to find her hanging out the window - above a three storey drop...grabbed her all fine but got a terrible shock...
DP has form for being a bit lax...he was the one who unthinking put a cup of hot soup down on a low coffee table to cool down because it was too hot to drink and then wandered off out the room. I walked in to see toddler DD1 as she tried to pick it up and tipped it down her front. Luckily it was thick and didn't get through her clothes faster than I got them off.

DD2 at 14 months - we were in DP's restaurant waiting for the solicitors call that the sale had gone through, so a bit distracted. She was toddling/crawling around under the tables - kept glancing to make sure she wasn't climbing etc thought she was safe - realised I hadn't seen her for a while and found her sat behind a table with a salt cellar in her mouth. (Like you I got a bollocking from NHS direct for that one)

furcoatbigknickers · 02/12/2014 17:41

Really shocked how long some of you leave 2 year olds. Thats probably why upstairs in my house is a tip.

Original poster

cleoteacher · 02/12/2014 18:28

Thinking about it, it probably is about 20 mins. No need to leave him at all when downstairs as we have open plan area we use in day and door shut to living room dh and I use when ds goes to bed.

Yes would go and check on him, can see him clearly if half way down stairs and peep through banisters. Also listen out for noise to know what he's doing. We have wooden floors so can generally tell what he's doing from sound effects from him or noises on floor. If it goes quiet go straight down.

Our house isn't big particularly it's 3 bed semi detached so can hear him from upstairs. He is pretty happy to play idependenly for a period and is pretty independent. He's not really into climbing on furniture and we have no window sills in room he's in he could get near. I close all doors to other rooms and he had assess to hall which leads to stairs with stairs gate closed.

OP posts:

Original poster

cleoteacher · 02/12/2014 18:30

Plus all toys safely within his reach so he has no need to climb. Ones I wouldn't leave him unattended with like pens and paints are well hidden. He would start to call mummy when wants me and I go straight down knowing he's had enough of being left.

OP posts:

cherubimandseraphim · 02/12/2014 18:39

Mine's a climber, so ordinarily 30 secs to pop into the kitchen for some water, etc., or up to a couple of minutes to nip to the downstairs loo. She has form for climbing up the bookshelves/on coffee tables etc. so I worry even doing that - she put her teeth through her lip once just standing on a (small) toy and falling over! :/

Original poster

cleoteacher · 02/12/2014 19:25

I never leave him alone if I can't hear him, he comes upstairs with me and plays on landing and has access to the bathroom when I shower. I would be too nervous if I couldn't hear him and get to him quickly.

Thanks for suggestions . Yes think will have moses downstairs to start with for naps at home, hoping to get them to nap at same time too! (Wishful thinking perhaps ) also going to have nappy stuff downstairs so actually won't be too many times when will need to left too long. Seeing as he's happy I am going to continue leaning him as long as safe but probably stick to less than 20 mins at a time no more .

OP posts:

unlucky83 · 02/12/2014 21:24

Sorry to be the voice of doom but it hasn't been mentioned so just checking everyone leaving their toddlers 'unattended but safe' know about the dangers of cords on blinds. (and things like handles of bags hung on hooks etc).
And also crush dangers - televisions/chests of drawers/bookcases
And don't depend too much on safety gates ...children can learn to climb over them so be especially careful right at the top of stairs - if a child tries to climb over one they are more likely to fall downstairs than without one
And don't use plug socket covers - put heavy furniture in front of them instead.

JackieOLantern · 02/12/2014 21:34

At 23 months I couldn't have lefy DS for 20-30 minutes. Even now at 3 that would be a stretch as he is VERY active and into everything. I think 20 minutes in a next door room would maybe work but 20-30 minutes downstairs while you're upstairs is asking for trouble at that age.

Once your DD is here you could always use a sling ti get her to sleep and then put her down later when DS is more settled?

MiaowTheCat · 02/12/2014 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotCitrus · 02/12/2014 22:34

Ds would happily play by himself for half an hour at that age, and I would only checkif he got ominously quiet or giggly.

Dd climbs up everything and tries pouring water on everything and couldn't be left for a minute. Only been to A&E once but had to drop the phone twice while talking to NHS Direct to stop her jumping off the change table she'd just learnt to climb up the drawers of. At nearly 3 she may be safe but the house won't be...

NellyTheElephant · 02/12/2014 23:04

DD1 probably never more than 5 mins or so. DD2, longer - she and DD1 would potter around upstairs in their bedroom getting up to mischief (easily 20 mins), but it was pretty safe as we were well childproofed by then and I could hear them from downstairs. By the time I had DS I was clearly a hopeless parent / given up - we'd moved to the country by then, and had a lot more space, so the opportunity for DS to be away from me was greater, and the three of them, then aged nearly 6, nearly 4 and nearly 2, would be upstairs together for ages playing while I was downstairs doing stuff (hiding in the study), or they'd be out and about in the garden where I couldn't necessarily see or hear them at all times. It was just the way of things. I do think that this is normal - i.e. when I went to friends' houses with similar aged children by then the gang of them plus toddlers would run off and disappear around the house, into a play room, upstairs, away from us, while mothers had coffee and chatted. Obviously you always keep an ear out and check a bit, but if your child is happy pottering around at that age on their own i do think it is fairly normal to let them - clearly childproofing is pretty vital though. The pills thing has presumably been a wake up call to you to make sure these sorts of things are checked. Having other children with them is different though - although obviously I know another preschooler is NOT a babysitter!

DS is 5 now and very self reliant. He'll be off in the garden for ages without me even knowing where he is and he and his sisters will take the dog for a walk around our quick 20 minute circuit round the fields without me (I wouldn't let him go without one or other of his sisters yet though)

halfdrunkcoffee · 03/12/2014 15:17

DD is 23mo. I would leave her 5 or 10 minutes before checking on her. Sometimes both DCs watch TV in the living room while I'm tidying the kitchen and I keep an ear out.

DS was 2.1 when she was born. I used to do nappy changes downstairs at first and she usually napped in the pushchair or sling. I also used to shower in the evening.

Flip

1 2 3