14yr old ds and weed picture

[goosey]

My 14yr old ds has come home from town with a poster of Bob Marley smoking a joint surrounded by cannabis leaves. I am normally a very laid back and unshockable parent, and whilst not really shocked by this(he already has one Bob Marley non-weed poster on his bedroom wall),I am nonetheless stumped as to what my reaction should be. Not typical of me!
Would you let him display it? Bearing in mind he shares his bedroom with his 11yr old brother?
Should I come down hard or act amused and nonchalant and take the piss??
A heavy drug lecture followed by a burning of said poster?
As you can see I am completely stumped .... help please!!!

a lecture definately because he might not know the true facts of drugs when it comes to the picture i wouldnt freak to much as it is only a piicture but explain to him for future that he is shareing a bedroom with his brother so he got to take into account of how his brother might react to this picture also if your going to be telling him the facts about drugs i would also have a word with your 11 ear old at the same time and tell them or for you if they or you want more info theres a web site called talk to frank it goes more in depth

Hmmm, this is one of those things where you don't know how you'll react until you are in the situation.

My initial reaction would be to not take any notice, but I think as he shares the room with a younger brother that makes it more of an issue.

I think just a discreet chat about why you feel it is unacceptable. I think if you come down hard and shout the odds it will just alienate him and close down communication ports later on.

does he knows what it is

I would ask does he know what it is ... but then he's 14 of course he knows what it is!! However laid back you are (i am too) as he shares with his 11 yr old brother i would give him the "you must set a better example to younger brother" line. Might also be great opportunity to have the inevitable teens drugs chat. Wish you luck

I agree littlemissbossy

Having BTDT with my older children, the heavy lecture is pointless. At 14 he probably knows all about weed but you can still offer to talk about it with him, to show that the lines of communication are open. Re sharing a room with a younger bro, I don't think I would allow the poster on the wall - does he have a wardrobe of his own where he could put it up on the inside, out of younger bro's sight?

It's a difficult issue. I've never done drugs myself but it's hard to come up with a convincing argument nowadays as to why grass is bad.

Its a tough one this but i think its perhaps best not to make too much of an issue out of it. When we were that age a lot of the people we went around with had things like that...it didnt necessarily mean they were doing drugs, it was just the "cool" thing to have at the time. i do agree though that its probably not suitable for a shared bedroom and that the wardrobe is a good idea.

Thank you all so much for your replies. They are immensely helpful, and I especially like your idea, littlemissbossy, of turning it around into making him feel the responsible one for protecting his brother by setting a good example.
He still won't like it if I don't allow him to put up the poster (after all it must have cost him a good whack of his pocket money), but he will understand my concerns if I involve him in a drug talk with his brother's best interests in mind. He does have a cupboard in his bedroom but I'm not too sure about what message that would give his brother, who may see it as something exciting and grown-up if his older brother can have it and he can't.
I remember having a cannabis leaf necklace when I was 18 and thinking it was the height of cool (cringe now at the memory!), so yes it probably is just the latest in-thing to be doing. 14yr old boys are such herd creatures lol

Hmmm... I was a pretty rebellious teen and had earrings of cannabis leaves from age 13, I did smoke it too.
I was high acheiveer from nice family (albeit broken) I never totally subscribed to the drug culture at all, and lost interest quickly, my mum was always very supportieve and told me that she would prefer if I experimented in the safety of our home and that to remember I had young impressionable brothers and for their sakes not to flaunt my habits,
Her laid back attitude stunned me so much I couldn;t bear to think she approved so it all went out and I went back to horses...
I know if she had made an issue out of it and slapped restrictions in a confrontational way, I would have gone the other way..
Children sometiems can be so self destructive.

Is 11 too young to be included in the 'being straight with your kids drugs conversation'. He probably knows what it is too and will feel grown up and responsible that you've included him. Personally I would be delighted if my children were interested in Bob Marley (and his culture) rather than the absolutle sh*te that's pushed at teenagers these days.

hear hear vivie
sooner bob marley than nu-metal/marolyn manson etc etc

Both my boys have had talks and information abot drugs, more as an on-going as and when thing than the big heavy drug-talk thing.
I always tell them there are ways to get high which are not destructive to their bodies like drug use is.
Physical excercise and falling in love and staying in love.
I agree that a lot of Bob Marley's music is great, and that isn't the issue. Do you really feel that a drug smoking culture is a positive one for kids to aspire to?
I have seen great damage done by simple cannabis use and do not want my children - or anybody else's children for that matter - encouraged in any way to believe it to be acceptable.
I actually don't think that the shop should be selling kids this poster in the first place.
He was very sensible when I brught up the question of him setting a suitable example to his brother (who is away until the weekend), and has not put the poster up. I had another look at it though and was even more worried to see the caption at the bottom .... 'when you smoke the herb it reaveals you to yourself'.

my children arent old enough for me to experience this as a mom, but looking from a teenagers point of view...if i had done something that my mom had gone ballistic about i would have purposely done it again..if she didnt take a lot of notice i used to lose interest. Not saying of course that all teenagers are like that....just that i was. I did get involved with a very bad crowd at one time who were into drugs a lot worse than cannabis but i never ever tried anything, so i must have had some sense i guess.

I feel like my response would be to say something like "I'm really not comfortable with that poster because I feel like it means that you admire smoking dope and I can't help but think that it [smoking lots of dope] is a hopeless way to live. So just why did you choose that poster?"

Would that be the wrong thing to say? Sincere question!

Yes GZ you really have hit the nail exactly on the head of how I feel about it. Thanks for that.
Sometimes it is so hard to know with this type of thing how to react. On the one hand I am aware of the over-reaction leading to him thinking it is more of an interesting mum-wind-up thing to be getting into, but on the other hand I don't want to ignore and seemingly condone drug use.

I've yet to come up against this - my son is nearly 10, but I am thinking of what I would do in your shoes.

I do think the putting up the poster and the dope smoking are separate issues. I put up lots of pre raphaelite hippy posters in my room, didn't mean I wanted to be one Friends I knew put up posters of pop stars and sports stars, with no real interest in playing the musical instrument or practising the sport. So I don't think buying the poster is the first step towards a serious joint smoking habit.

I do think it's a good idea to have a talk to your son about the poster and his youngest brother, though. Not because of Bob Marley's corrupting influence, but because of what his 11 year old friends might say to their parents.

If it were me, I'd imply that although our family are quite cool about the poster, some other parents would not be. They might ban their child from coming round. As you don't want to risk your younger son losing his friends, the poster can't be openly displayed in the shared bedroom. However, if it's inside the wardrobe (great idea) no problem.

I would steer clear of a general dope warning talk, unless your 14 year old is determined to have one with you. Save that conversation for another time - you don't want two arguments to overlap and feed off each other.