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Parenting

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Original poster

my guilt over dd's accident.......

23 replies

mad4girls · 07/10/2006 20:23

on thursday night my dd2 of 4 yrs fell in to a bath i was running for myself which was boiling hot her face and left eye are badly scalded and i feel absolutely awful i cant explain how terrible i feel for her to think i put her in all this pain is unimaginable

i cant bear to even think about the fact she may be scarred for life i pray she wont

i have just spent the day at nottingham burns unit which were less than useful due to no actual doctors being there so i had a wasted journey i dont drive and had to get a bus then a train and then a half hour lift from family there(we are in derby) to fin there is nothing they could do today this appointment was made by local childrens hospital for today why when they new noone would be there

sorry to vent but feeling exhausted by the whole thing as she has been being sick all last night and today so unable to give her liquid parcetoml its tearing me up to see her in pain luckily she stopped being sick since 1 o clock and i have neurofen liquid in the house which will last till get to chemist as the calpol they gave her has all gone (i wanted to ask the dr today for more )

please help any advie support or just chat to take my mind of this will be greatly appreciatted as she is sleeping now and my mind has gone in to overdrive

OP posts:

lulunaticmama · 07/10/2006 20:25

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

accidents are called accidents, because they are just that....accidents

not on purpose, not deliberate, you didn't push her in.....you must not punish yourself -

just so sorry - you are obviously distraught, don't be too hard on yourself...

terrible shame that the hospital was not a big help....

children are resilient -

can't offer anything else but that ....

kama · 07/10/2006 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flack · 07/10/2006 20:28

Try not to feel too bad. It happens a lot. I can't think how many children I've actually met who had been badly scalded at some point (only one actually had noticeably marked skin for more than a few weeks)

Reset your hot water tank thermostat lower (no higher than 75, some would say set it to 60) to help prevent similar from happening in the future.

Mum2FunkyDude · 07/10/2006 20:30

Poor you, I think you can only give her reassurance and lots of love now. You've done all you could. It was an unfortunate accident and all you can do now is focus your energy on getting her better. She will benefit much more from the love and support you can give her, rather than you feeling guilty.

Your feelings are absolutely normal, and would be what any mother will feel. I'm sure if there was any concern for her well being they would've kept her in hospital. Rather see it as a good sign that they think her healthy enough to go home. However, be watchful and go right back if you think she being sick is not good.

I hope you get through this nightmare a better person, you've now learned from a dreadful mistake, but that is all it was a human error. Get some sleep while she is sleeping, cuddle in the same room with her if it will make you feel more at ease.

mumatuks · 07/10/2006 20:30

It really was an accident, I can only reitterate what LM says.

I have never forgiven myself about DS1, who at his first birthday decided to grab the one candle, by the flame, on his birthday cake. The way he screamed, the fact I was holding the cake near him, ugh it still brings back shudders now. Thankfully he was alright and I've learned from it.. we didn't do candles at DS2's 1st birthday.

Childrens skin grows so quickly and heals so much better than ours that I'm sure your DD will have minimal scarring. I hope she is well again soon.

Please stop beating yourself over and over, whats happened has happened and by taking to the hospitals you're obviously doing the best you can for her.

foundintranslation · 07/10/2006 20:34

I echo everyone else. Of course you feel dreadful - because you love her and are a fantastic mother. But please do not beat yourself up. I'm sure almost every parent has some kind of accident with their child at some point. When ds was 5 months he fell off the bed. No harm done but OMG, that hideous thump, then his screams - I'll never forget it.

If she remembers any of this, I'm sure she will remember how well and lovingly her mummy looked after her and know that she is always there for her.

foundintranslation · 07/10/2006 20:36

The other day I forgot to strap ds into his buggy. I was carrying the buggy up and down flights of stairs at the train station. I literally shudder to think what might have happened. But I'm human, it was a mistake, I'll move on and certainly never forget it again.

happybiggirl · 07/10/2006 20:38

Message withdrawn

edam · 07/10/2006 20:39

Oh, mad4girls, so sorry for you and dd. Agree with everyone else, it was a stupid, horrible accident. No point beating yourself up (although I'm sure you'll be careful about not running very hot baths in future).

FWIW, poor old ds has a bump on his head because I was looking at kitchens last weekend, took my eye off him and he opened an oven door... and my sister was badly scalded when she was young because my mother left a cup of black coffee on a high chair that my sister pulled over. My sister's fine now and I hope your dd will be too.

bananaloaf · 07/10/2006 20:41

i shut ds1 fingers in the car door. i actually had to open the door to get them out and i was expecting a much more severe injury than the what was. accidents happen we are as has been said before only human. i was burnt as a baby from a mug of coffee my father was drinking. chin up.

Original poster

mad4girls · 07/10/2006 20:58

thanx guys not sure what i would do without this site with noone to really chat to at this time of night having this support really helps

knowing someone is always there to chat thanx for all the support and advice

flack i would like to set my temp lower but not sure i cant do it we dont have central heating so we have one of those big old hot water tanks can you set a tempreture on these if so please advise as i will do it staright away

i think my main worries are how others are perceiving the whole incident being questioned a million time sat the hospital about who was there etc it doesnt help i nknow these things have to be done but it just made me feel worse

i am also worried as my ex has been known to call social services out of spite before twice in the last year, and her recent history looks bad as she broke her arm in june and was only at a and e in august as she shoved a vitamin tablet up her nose they probably think im the worst mum in the world now

thanx again will keep you updated she seems to sleeping peacfully for now hoepfully sleep is healing her beautiful face

OP posts:

kitbit · 08/10/2006 19:30

mad4girls, I wouldn't worry about your ex calling ss, even if he does, ss will have seen it all before and they will know the difference between something that was completely an accident and things that are not. They will also be used to disgruntled exes calling them in just to make trouble. Besides shoving a vitamin tablet up your nose is hardly a sign of parental neglect! Kids are very quick even when you watch them 24/7, and I think the fact that you had vitamins in the house in the first place would be in your favour!!! Try not to worry, am sure she will be fine.

Original poster

mad4girls · 08/10/2006 22:36

hi guys thanx again for all your support s

she seems very happy today and the swelling has gone down she can see fine now her left eye is almost fully open, as the doc said to sleep slightly upright so the fluid doesnt gather at her head.

she has been to the park and been playing happily today hoepfully she is on the mend back at school tomrrow and then returning to burns unit at notts on wednesday and will let you know how we get on

unfortunately she has her first recption class photo on thrusday but at least shes in one peace it could have been alot worse

thanx again

OP posts:

Beauregard · 08/10/2006 22:46

Hope your dd recovers soon mad4girls,what a nasty shock for you.

jetsetmum · 08/10/2006 22:56

my brother pulled a saucepan of boiling water over himself when he was little - my mum was in pieces with guilt over that & I vaguely remember him lying in hospital with foam all over his chest.

But he healed so quickly & he hasn't got a single mark any where on him - so i would definately back the young skin healing thing.

I bet your dd gets over & forgets it all long before you do. Be kind to yourself.

lulunaticmama · 08/10/2006 22:57

glad to hear she is recovering...

Original poster

mad4girls · 08/10/2006 23:29

hi thanx for all your replies glad to now soemone is listening

jetsetmum can i ask how old your brother was when that happened?

OP posts:

jetsetmum · 08/10/2006 23:32

I think my brother was about 3 years old - he definately wasn't older than 5 years.

Did you splash cold water on her after it had happened?

jabberwocky · 08/10/2006 23:33

mad4girls, I'm glad your dd is feeling better. Do you have an aloe vera plant? Fresh aloe is wonderful for burns. My aunt had a severe grease burn on her hand. After treating it with aloe, there was no scarring at all.

Plus, I second the young skin theory. Kids are great healers.

upandaway · 08/10/2006 23:37

Hi mad4girls, I can imagine how you are feeling, I am glad to hear she feels better today.

I once tripped while carrying a small pan of peas in boiling water. The water spilt and went all over my 5 yr old's scalp and burned her quite badly. I was distraught for weeks.

However, she healed beautifully, and now she is 10, her favourite way to humiliate me is to say to people 'mum, tell them how you burned me!' Cringe!

essanel · 09/10/2006 00:24

hi mad 4 girls - glad to hear that ur daughter is feeling better and can only echo previous comments about kids and healing -for wee things they are very resilient - when my dd was only 4 mths old she rolled off sofa onto laminate flooring bumping her head what made it worse was earlier that same day i cut her finger whilst trying to cut her nails and was due to take her to hv at baby club to be weighed- felt like worst mother ever - she is now three and as dh kindly took a photo of her lovely bruise she is now 3 and when she sees that photo she likes to tell people that was when mum dropped and cut off her finger

curlew · 09/10/2006 00:36

When my ds was 11 months old he pulled my friend's doorstop down on himself and it broke his middle finger. I was in the room with him, saw it happening and wasn't quick enough to stop him. He was fine after a day or two . I was in bits for weeks, even though I knew it was an accident. Then, 6 months later, I shut the car door on him,and broke the same finger again. Than was over four years ago but I still go cold thinking about it. But ds is fine, his hands are fine and he loves me. Don't beat yourself up, mad4girls - it happens. believe me, it happens.
BTW, my brother hit me on the nose with a sledge happer when I was two. I forgive him!

nappyaddict · 09/10/2006 01:13

today i was eating my dinner and trying to feed my 3 month old when i ended up spilling hot gravy all over him. i'm so glad i came across this thread as i kept thinking about what if he hadn't been wearing trousers. in the 3 months he has been alive i have closely missed him when dropping a knife and almost whacked him round the head when trying to push away my godsons hand from his eyes. so if thats all youve done in 4 years id say well done!

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