How do you deal with an awkward situation?

[sjb1185]

I help out a friend of my partner's who works with him by picking her son up from school with my son as I'm a stay at home mum. She pays me to do this monday through Friday. Anyway, her son started to have money to spend on sweets on the way home every day, something I don't give me son as firstly, I can't afford it and secondly, I don't spoil him. At first he would share the money with my son but then he started to run off and spend all the money on himself and my son would have nothing as I don't carry cash with me anyway. At first I thought it was just silly kid stuff but then I noticed that he knew it was upsetting my son and would wind him up about it knowing he would get sweets and my lad wouldn't (we're talking £2 every day!). Eventually I had enough and I politely asked his mother if she wouldn't give him money every day as it wasn't fair for one to have sweets and not the other. I found this quite embarrassing (having to say I can't afford it) and awkward to do. He did one day (the day after) with no money then turned up the next day with money again, upsetting my son and rubbing it in his face. Now I'm totally stuck with what to do and how to bring it up again with the mother?? Help anyone???

You could not go in the shop every day. Problem solved.

Just don't go to the shop.

I don't go to the shop, we pass it on our way home, its unavoidable. And he usually goes ahead of me anyway and is i and out of there before I've even caught up.

How old is he? Can't you tell him that you're stopping to go into the shop

You tell him not to leave your side then. If he's young enough to need a childminder after school, he's young enough to be told what to do. You're in charge.

My point was the fact that I've brought it up with her and she's just blantently ignored the fact that its selfish and unfair.

Agree she shouldn't continue to give him money but you can say no and stop him going to the shop

They're 8 so I don't mind then going ahead usually as they aren't too young but not quite old enough to be coming home alone either. As I'm not his mum I feel like I can't really get too strict with him and tell him what to do. This could just be me being soft?? I don't know my limits with other people's kids. She might get irate if I start telling her kid off.

It's not selfish and unfair, everybody is free to spoil their children by letting them buy sweets every day if they want to. They can do that in their own time, though. While you are in charge no shops are to be visited, end of!

How much do you need the money?

What about saying to the mum that it is making things very difficult and that if she wants her son to have sweets every day after school, then you're going to have to end the arrangement because you really don't need the hassle.

Or just tell him firmly at the gate that he is not to go to the shop.

Or he went anyway, pluck the sweets from his hands and hold them until you hand him over.

You are in charge here. you are the adult. If he won't listen to you, then tell his mum that you are reconsidering the arrangement.

Do you know for sure she's ignored you? Could her son be accessing his own money (saved pocket money for example) to bring out without you knowing about it?

You don't need to tell him off, just tell him he's not to run off to the shop, which is a perfectly reasonable thing for a childminder to do.

Yeah I agree when he's with his mother he can do as he pleases that's nothing to do with me but when I have one child upset every day and the other rubbing it in then it most definitely is!

I do need the money as I have no other source of income (for myself) but I just think well for the sake of my child not being upset every day I would give it up.

You're looking after him. Of course you can tell him what to do

Tell him he isnt allowed in the shop. If that fails, tell his mother he isnt behaving - no money and no shop. If that fails, end the arrangement.

OK so how do I deal with the mother again who clearly thinks it doesn't matter what I think? That's annoyed me more than anything. I wouldn't like to think anyones kids were being left out and teased about it.

You don't need to say anything to her. She's not going to be upset about him no longer spending £2 on sweets every day, so that will be the end of it.

This child is in your care amd you are being paid for it, be strict with him instead of treating him like a little Lord.
In regards to the mother either accept she disagrees or refuse to have him.