Confused about safe sleeping guidelines

[splendide]

I have a 12 day old baby - first baby and I'm struggling with anxiety.

I know he should be put to sleep on his back on a firm mattress and flat. How does this apply to napping on me? He's currently sleeping on a big squashy cushion on his side on my lap where he nodded off on my breast. He's ok on my lap isn't he? Is it possible he could die right in front of me without me noticing?

Congratulations Splendide www.isisonline.org.uk/sleep_health/

I found the above information really helpful. Honestly though, it always felt like a minefield.

I think the big danger with napping is that you also could fall asleep due to overwhelming tiredness. Always ensure that your baby is not trapped in the cushion, obviously they can't free themselves at such a young age. I mostly put my daughter back in her carrycot if she was napping and I was tired.

I had an irrational fear of my baby sleeping on me on the sofa because of all the Don't DO It warnings. I remember having such a go at DH for letting DS sleep on him.

So long as you're awake and watching little one, it's fine for them to sleep on you. The danger lies with baby slipping between you and the sofa and getting trapped, but if you're awake and watching it can't happen.

I'm wide awake so I don't think he could fall. Is the worry with squashy things that he could end up face down? So I can stop that/ see that. I do find it all such a worry, I think I get the temperature wrong as well. I wish I could trust my instincts, in fact I wish I had some instincts!

I work as a neonatal nurse. One of the pieces of cot death prevention advice we give, is to avoid falling asleep on the sofa with baby. We recommend having a moses basket next to the sofa, so baby can be put somewhere safe to sleep.

gro.co.uk/pages/what-to-wear

Another link!

I think the optimum temperature in the room with your baby is 18 degrees. So around that is best.

Anxiety is so so common when you've just had a baby. Please don't assume you don't have instincts and that you're doing everything wrong. You aren't, it's bloody hard to take on the responsibility of a first (any) baby.

I wouldn't worry about LO sleeping on your lap with you wide awake. For the first 6 weeks we had to take shifts through the night as our LO refused to sleep anywhere but on us!

Brilliant book with lots of practical advice:

www.llli.org/sweetsleepbook

As long as you're awake it's fine.

Yes, the risk on sofas and cushions is that he slips and suffocates, or you fall asleep and slump on him, etc. As long as you are awake and aware, you are fine. Just make sure to move him if you feel drowsy/exhausted and might drift off yourself.

The heating thing can be confusing, but remember it's not exact. A baby in normal baby clothes in a normal house is very unlikely to overheat to a dangerous degree. Especially in winter.

I dress him in a vest and a babygro then I put a sheet over him and one layer of cellular blanket. Room is about 18 c. Is that ok do you think?

I find the temperature and what to wear is misleading. In summer DD had to wear less than suggested, now she wears more!
There is so much advice it makes it hard for your intuition to make itself heard. You do know your own baby, even though it doesn't feel like it yet. At night check how he feels if you put your hand on his chest or back (not hands - they will always be colder). If he feels too hot take a layer off, if too cold add one.
Congratulations. And you are doing a great job

I found the temperature thing really confusing too but the midwife said if they get too hot they might get sleepy, whereas if they are too cold they will cry (as long as otherwise healthy, not premature etc). Therefore if I wasn't sure I always erred on the side of cooler rather than hotter.

PS I also think the safe sleeping guidelines are based on leaving them on their own, not if you are there with them and wide awake.