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Original poster

what are the challenges ?

26 replies

molly2 · 14/04/2004 09:59

I hope this doesn't sound too negative but it does help to share - what are the things that you find some of the hardest to cope with ? (ds is 14 mths) For me...nappy changes when he twists, turns and cries, when he's not content to sit still in the trolley for just 10 more minutes while you are waiting in the queue at the grocery store, when dh comes home and doesn't think to say 'how can I help?", when he plays rough and I automatically conclude he's going to be the class bully when he's older, when he gets all clingy and agitated when guests are over (most probably because I am a bit agitated admittedly!!), when you've FINALLY got him to sleep for a daily nap and the door bell rings and then he awakes, when dh has gone out for a 'boys night out' and you've just sat down with a glass of wine and HE AWAKES!!! Is it just me??? I do feel rather guilty sending this post as I know there are many of you with 2, 3 and 4 young ones.

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motherinferior · 15/04/2004 10:27

Oh no, loads of things wind me up. Specially when I'm tired. General whingeing in particular gets to me. Parenting is tough tough TOUGH!

Kayleigh · 15/04/2004 10:31

god if I posted all the things that wind me up I'd be here all day. At the moment the main thing is ds1 winding ds2 up, and ds2 being particularly whingy and sensitive to being wound up. It's driving me nuts.
Also ds2 asking for a specific food/meal and then saying he doesn't want it or wants something else as soon as it's presented to him.
ds1 burping - he knows it winds me up so he does it more
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhh.

Mum2Ela · 15/04/2004 10:33

molly2, I know things get really hard and they do sooo many things to wind you up. Without being at all patronising, could you chill a bit? Make things a bit easier on yourself?

Like, only change is nappy when really really necessary, like when its hanging down by his knees! A bit less stress there.

Sitting in the trolley, I might sound like a bad mummy, but could you feed him? I give DD raisins etc. to keep her quiet.

And I am sure he isn't going to be a bully when he is older! Perhaps you could save worrying about that one til he is older!

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CountessDracula · 15/04/2004 10:33

Oh no my little one is perfect and never winds me up .....NOT

Making that UHHUH noise instead of saying please
Repeatedly asking for water and throwing it all over the floor then asking for more again and again

Refusing to walk in the direction we are going

Arching back and screaming when put in buggy as result of above

CountessDracula · 15/04/2004 10:34

Oh yes agree M2E - always give dd some raisins or snack a jacks going round supermarket and her nappy only gets changed when it's full!

lazyeye · 15/04/2004 10:46

Molly - loads of things as well. It is very tough esp if you are a bit tired yourself.

I find teatime/bath can be esp difficult as everyone is a bit tired.

I've got 2 under 4, soon to be 3 and sometimes they have me in tears. Like others, I find the whinging, whinging, whinging the most trying. I can cope with naughtiness and wildness but whinging drives me nuts.

Agree with Mum2elea re making life as easy as you can - just call me a slob. Don't make an issue out of anything you aren't really bothered about -cos there is plenty you will be bothered about. Agree re feeding in the supermarket. I always change on my knee - I swear they don't wriggle as much cos they are at a better height and can see more. Maybe try to concentrate on the things that really wind you up and tackle these rather than everything, cos you'll never do it. Have a drink like you say, have a jig around the kitchen.

Don't mean to sound patronising either - just that I have learnt maybe to choose my battles wisely.........maybe. Still have awful, awful days though like you and probably more ahead.

Twinkie · 15/04/2004 11:03

Oooh what winds me up -

DD treating me like the child - telling me what to do, how I should act - that I must say or must not say this word or that word!!

Think the word that aptley describes her at the moment is pretentious!!

Do agree with lazyeye that the most important thing ts to pick which battles are important to you and only fight those!!

colette · 15/04/2004 11:13

Agree about the whinging being the worst. Dd talking all the time even when I am on the loo she will come in and bend my ear ,it winds me up and I know it's normal . Ds emptied a really large tub of nappy cream over himself and the rug this morning aaaaaghhhh . Dh said I didn't like it much anyway!! So I have eaten Ds's Easter egg - I gave him a few bits

PopeyesPiece · 15/04/2004 11:21

Think this one will be a long thread .

Things that annoy me: whinging, refusing previously favourite food, crapping into a just changed nappy grrrrrrr, waking up in the night, I could go on.

What worked for me was lowering my standards big time on housework and expecting ANY time to myself. Then when you do get some its a bonus.

I also said I would never bribe and/or distract but it works so if she kicks off getting into the trolley sometimes I say 'oooh look a the big bus' or offer a biscuit. She gets a rice cake at the till or I hand her a leaflet to screw up which gives you time to sort shopping out.

CountessDracula · 15/04/2004 11:24

OH no what's wrong with distraction? I thought it was fine to do that - have just spent weekend in wales distracting dd with sheep, horses etc in the car, am I a bad mother?

PopeyesPiece · 15/04/2004 11:26

No no, when I was childless and all my friends had children I would silently harrumph to myself that MY children would do as I asked IMMEDIATELY as they would be OBEDIENT to the greatest mum that I would so obviously be. Can you hear the hollow laughter??

hovely · 15/04/2004 14:06

unfortunately atm it's when dd is actually trying to help me - she seizes Ds's just-sterilised dummy and rolls it around her grubby little hand before jamming it into his mouth, or picks up his pooey nappy & announces she is going to put it in the washing machine, whilst dropping it everywhere. I have got better at holding my tongue, felt mortified when her little face creased up and she went to stand at the other side of the room after I scolded her for similar!

geekgrrl · 15/04/2004 15:54

dd1 (4) thinking that what I say is totally optional and just a suggestion, treating me like a servant, ignoring her sister's protests when she is being played with against her will, appearing incapable of doing anything (other than going into a coma in front of the tv) on her own, taking everything nice for granted and still telling me that I am mean to her...ok, I'll stop myself here. Can you tell I'm enjoying the school holidays?
dd2 (3) isn't anywhere near as irritating, but has a very very annoying habit of growling loudly at every opportunity. She is also a total pain in the ar*e at mealtimes and can have huge tantrums if the wrong food is on the table.
Ds - at only 4 months very unoffensive still - but I do wish he wouldn't throw up on me a gazillion times a day and naps of longer than 20 minutes would be good, too.

Twinkie · 15/04/2004 16:00

geekgrrl - your DD1 must be mine too!!

As for the distraction - it is totally necessary!!

Went to visit cousin last night an dher new baby - bless her she was waking him up for a fedd - I said what are you doing if he wants to sleep let him - ooohhhh no the midwife told me to wake him up or he will forget he is hungry - give her a month!!!!

motherinferior · 15/04/2004 16:19

I feel much less inferior now

Mermaid2 · 15/04/2004 16:41

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Tex111 · 15/04/2004 17:02

Definitely the whinging and whining. When it gets really high pitched the hairs on my arms actually stand on end!

The repetitiveness drives me mad sometimes too. Reading the same stories (though he has a bookshelf full of other choices), the same puzzles, singing the Bob the Builder theme song every night to get him to sleep.

And speaking of TV characters.... I could quite happily shoot Barney and Big Cook Little Cook though DS loves them.

bun · 15/04/2004 20:27

Hang on, hang on - can I suggest you try not to take your kids to supermarkets if it's making you stressed? I gave up ages ago and do it alone at night. Surely one of the better things about modern life - shops always open.

Monkeysmum · 15/04/2004 22:26

Not being able to go to the loo in peace drives me nuts, both kids come in shouting/fighting/ playing hide and seek, if I lock the door they just scream outside it which I find even more stressful. It's not much to ask out of life is it? 5 minutes on your own on the bog!!

gingernut · 15/04/2004 22:33

bun - yep, me too, I either go to the supermarket in the evening or do an internet order.

mummytojames · 15/04/2004 22:37

feeling tired all the time and looking at other parents who are dressed so smartly and your standing there thinking what am i doing wrong why do they look so composed and i feel and probably look like a wreck

grumpyzebra · 15/04/2004 22:38

The 2 kids fighting over things, such as toys or simply mummy's lap, drives me completely mental. And DD NAGS when she wants something, we are aboslutely horrible to her about it, and she can scream hysterically for long periods. DS is getting better, but has always been slow to cooperate.

I think the thing Molly2 is reminded of is how much your time is not your own, you are always on call.. that is grueling.

Slinky · 15/04/2004 22:43

Mmmm...let me think..yes

the arguing/fighting and the "he's done this/that, she said that....."etc etc etc. Have to bite my tongue sometimes when I want to shout "I don't really give a s*!!"

DD1 (8.5) is so bloody grumpy and stroppy last few days. For example, this is a conversation that happened on Tuesday - we'd been out and our way back to car we were going to stop for ice-cream....this is exact conversation

ME : what flavours do you want?
DD1 : chocolate please
DS1 : oh yes, I'll have chocolate
ME : right, 2 chocolates, what do you want DD2?
DD2 : erm, chocolate.

Then get this...my 8yo then kicks off because "they've both copied her!!!" Then they all start arguing....I'm thinking "what the f*??" and then declare "sod it, none of you are having ice-cream now for being so silly!"

Similar conversations today about other things - each time a different child "kicking off" about something....I give up!

But going back to OP...change nappy when it desperately needs doing, don't take child shopping if poss. or take nibbles to feed on way round....and I do anything for my lot to still have a "daily nap"

Original poster
molly2 · 16/04/2004 07:01

What wonderful therapy reading all the responses below! Thanks ladies. Yes, will be taking the advice of just calming down a notch and putting things into perspective. And just to prove it to you, I am chatting on this website whilst ds is having a nap and ignoring the baskets (plural!!) of ironing that is calling out for attention. I shan't worry though, what's the bet dh will arrive home any minute, spot the ironing and say 'That's ok my darling, I'll do it, you sit down and have a break..."

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yingers74 · 16/04/2004 19:31

Am new to this. Have a nearly 14 mth old baby girl and I agree with mummytojames. Also I get annoyed with the fact if you are on a train or in a shop, and your child starts to play up, people tut and shake their heads! I always feel like saying 'you were this age once'.

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