Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Just started bedtime rountine - feeling terrible

27 replies

poppynboo · 04/10/2006 21:13

Just started a bedtime rountine for my 7 week old DD.
She settles fine if we go to bed at the same time and she's happy enough to fall asleep by herself but if she gets woken up (DH went out for OJ and the front door closing woke her up) she's an absolute bugger to get back off.
We do the usual settling her til she stops crying and put her back to bed and leave her to go off by herself again - but I feel like the worst mother in the world to leave her screaming.
She's only doing it because she wants to get up and I know I'll just make it worse to go to her but its hard to hear her cry.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FrankenZooey · 04/10/2006 21:15

She is very tiny. Why do you think you should leave her to scream? It is fine to hold her or feed her or comfort her in any way you want to help her sleep. She isn't doing it for any other reason other than she is 7 weeks old and needs you to help her cope with the world.

Flum · 04/10/2006 21:17

yeha 7 weeks quite young - but sometimes they do cry as they try to get to sleep. Praps keep picking her up and soothing her if it bothers you.

Has to be said that by far the quickest way to get a routine going is the hard hitting, cry it out way. Having tried most methods......

TooTickyTheAppleMuncher · 04/10/2006 21:17

Leave the routine for later - just cuddle her. Co-sleeping is ideal and everybody gets more sleep

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

melsy · 04/10/2006 21:19

Totally ok to calm and soothe her with BF/dummy/ rockin etc. Dont worry about sleeptraining right now if thats yuor worry, you can do that months from now. How does she fall asleep during the day ? If she can get herself off alone during the day then she can at night , you may just need to help her along right now.

With regards to noise and sleep Id get her used to that too , u dont want to have to creep around for years on end.

Wordsmith · 04/10/2006 21:20

Personally I wouldn't try controlled crying till about 6 months. At 7 weeks she is too young. You just have to sit it out. You're lucky that she goes off by herself first time - my DS1 was a bugger for that.

LaDiDaDi · 04/10/2006 21:21

I really wouldn't leave her to scream . She's only little and if she's crying it's because she needs something; a cuddle or a feed or just to know that you are there.

trinityrhino · 04/10/2006 21:22

7 weeks is far too early IMO to be leaving her to cry for any amount of time. Go with your instincts and hold her, she will learn to feel secure and independent anough to go off all on her own in time.

FrankenZooey · 04/10/2006 21:24

If something is making you feel terrible as a parent, there is probably a good reason for it. Don't do things in life that make you feel terrible - use your common sense instead of following advice from 'experts' who don't know you or your children.

colditz · 04/10/2006 21:24

you won't make anything worse by going to her, Christ at this age she is merely an overgrown foetus! you'll make it better. Babies of 7 weeks old physically need cuddles, they crave physical contact like an older child craves food. Please don't deny her.

trinityrhino · 04/10/2006 21:26

just think she has only been out in the world for 7 weeks, she still thinks(and will do for a long time) that she is part of you. She justs wants to be held and made to feel secure in the big wide world.

Moomin · 04/10/2006 21:28

I'm a big believer in bedtime rotuines but didn't even attempt one until both my dds were at least 3 months. Anmd even then it was just being put upstairs at 7pm rather than them being downstairs with us; no controlled crying AT ALL. She's really weeny and she needs cuddles. She's too small to 'learn' a routine. Out of interest why have you decided to try this approach? Was it on professional advice or just what you thuink you ought to do?

trinityrhino · 04/10/2006 21:29

please come back and talk to us, I don't want you to feel terrible.

Moomin · 04/10/2006 21:31

agree with trinityrhino - I also wouldn;t want you and your dh to miss out on this lovely time full of cuddles and getting to know and bond with your little one. It goes so quickly and it's priceless

Mum2FunkyDude · 04/10/2006 21:34

Up to 3 months you can cuddle them back to sleep, it is only after this that they start to realise you do not disapear when you leave the room. Don't let her scream, the time you have with then when they are so little is so short, you cannot spoil her at all!

My ds learned to settle himself around 4 months, still I do need to touch him and tell him, its ok go back to sleep.

Flum · 04/10/2006 21:36

Of course she is not here because she is upstairs seeing to her baby. ..... or sittiing on her hands with cotton wool in her ears. If she does it now - she will be on easy street ....

Mumpbump · 04/10/2006 21:37

We cuddled ds to sleep every night for the first 3 months before trying controlled comforting (modified version of controlled crying I mentioned on another post). It was hard work to get him to learn to settle himself, but I would do exactly the same with a second baby - cuddle them to sleep every night for at least 3 months and then send them to sleep boot camp! They're too new in the world before then and have gone from being snug and warm inside to being out there by themselves.... Or at least, that's my opinion...

melsy · 04/10/2006 21:39

Im liking the "controlled comforting" , just that little change in words is much nicer a phrase than using the word crying.

Mumpbump · 04/10/2006 21:47

I don't think it's just semantic; you never leave them to cry and you are constantly reassuring them until they settle so I do believe it is not as harsh as cc. Becomes difficult once they can wriggle around though!!

Original poster

poppynboo · 04/10/2006 22:39

Thank you for reading the thread and your messages.
No I don't just leave her to cry, when she starts to cry I cuddle and reassure her until she's quiet and then put back in her cot to fall asleep herself.

Yeah I do feel worse, but I know everyone's messages are meant to be helpful and are with the best of intentions.

Why am I starting it now? Because you've got to start sometime and having read widely on the subject the general consensus amoungst all the conflicting advice, is that it's better to start a routine sooner rather than later - otherwise we could easily be another seven weeks on and still in our pj's nearly everyday with no rountine or plan or clue quite frankly.

I don't buy into the whole controlled crying thing. I think it sounds horrid - she isn't doing it on purpose and I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to comfort a small baby crying for comfort.

But, and hear's the bite. How can you start something new and unfamiliar when you can't explain what it is and not expect to have some tears. I have to remain sane too and have some time when I don't have a baby by my side -the umbilical cord is cut for a purpose, hers' as well as mine - and I believe that what I'm doing is the right thing otherwise I couldn't do it.

I started the thread I guess hoping to hear of similar stories, I should have thought more about the responses it would get. She's settled now and I'm happier, if nothing else this thread has organised my thoughts and given me a clear focus - and I feel better knowing that there are so many people who have a child's best interests at heart, even if their views do differ to mine.

Thanks

OP posts:

Wordsmith · 04/10/2006 22:43

Poppy I know how you feel but it will get better. The first three months are hell and don't let anyone tell you different. Just do what feels best for you and the baby and don't worry too muh about what anyone else says.

MeAndMyBoy · 04/10/2006 22:57

Poppy - I started a routine the day we came home from the hospital. I needed that routine to keep me sane. Fed DS at 7/7.30pm and then DH put him to bed in his crib in our room upstairs so that the evening was then ours, then every feed was done upstairs in the nursery in the dark and quiet - also helped him to diferentiate between day and night really quickly as we had such a different routine for both. He did fall asleep really easily from what I remember - don't remember him crying lots and lots. We did swaddle him which helped keep him asleep as he used to jerk his arms and legs about in his sleep and wake himself up startled, we also put a black and white picture (on card and a toy that fixed to the crib bars) next to his head so that he could see something - because Lo's eye sight is only really sharp enough to see about 8 or 9 inches I think it is, so that he had a point of reference rather than feeling a bit lost in a big out of focus place.

A couple of other things I remember reading that might be useful to add to your list of things to keep at the back of your mind is that the more of the 5 sense that are occupied the easier it is for a LO to fall asleep? but then now looking at that surely that could lead to over stimulation and therefore be harder to get to sleep. Also that putting them down to sleep between the 2nd and 3rd yawn is easier too - 1st yawn not quite tired enough, 3rd yawn bit too tired for it be as easy.

Not sure if this helps any?

Good luck and take care

curlew · 04/10/2006 23:06

I'm sorry if I upset anyone by this, but a seven week old is too young for any sort of routine. She does not yet know that she is separate from her mother - the umbilical cord may have been cut, but she doesn't know it yet. She needs to be held and cuddled and made to feel secure. It is only when you have laid the groundwork that you can begin to introduce a routine. She has to know that she is safe and protected before she can settle on her own and she will only learn this by feeling safe and protected. You will have lots of time when you don't have a baby by your side, just not yet. Tiny babies are a 24 hour a day job. Three month old babies may not be, 6 month old babies may not be, year old babies shouldn't be, but 7 week old babies are. You're talking about .036% of your life - just relax and cuddle!

curlew · 04/10/2006 23:09

And why on earth do something that makes everyone feel terrible? With little babies do what makes everyone feel as happy as possible!

marytee · 05/10/2006 09:25

I think the best way to introduce a routine - (perhaps when baby is a little bit older?) is to break the routine down into stages and put them in place one at a time. So you slowly build up the changes and baby gets used to them without too much change. With DD we started about 12 weeks (i think!) by going upstairs for the last feed of the day (about 9 o'clock). We would do this in the dark although i would sit and watch television with the sound on quietly - she fed for a long time! We would then settle her in the dark and anytime she woke and cried she would be fed again in the dark (if needed) or i would get dp to cuddle her until she slept then he popped back in the cot. We slowly brought the time back to earlier in the evening and then built up the evening routine a bit more (i.e. added a bath, got her into pj's in her room etc). We also started to comfort her by 'sushing' and patting her tummy sometimes, although if this didn't work we would quickly pick her up etc. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and we never pushed it, but slowly over the next few months she seemed content just to know we were there. The other thing to remember is that babies don't have a clue what time it is, so be led by your babies cues rather than the time. The point about a routine is that doing things in the same order communicates something to your DD.

The biggest learning curve for me was the amount of sleep babies need - and how much harder it is for them to settle if they are over stimulated. Meandmyboy is so right about those yawns! I used to watch her like a hawk.

Sorry about the long post, hope its helpful to hear someone else's story. DD is one tomorrow and unless she is ill she sleeps 7 til 7, if not a bit longer. She also settles herself to sleep. Please don't buy into the idea that unless you do it all now its going to be really hard to get DD into a routine - its just not true. And its hard work for you

Hope you are enjoying your precious little lady

Imascaryfairy · 06/10/2006 18:54

Poppy - just wanted to let you know that for DS1 we started the bedtime routine at about 6 weeks, and DS2 we started it at about 2 weeks, and then gradually extended the routine to daytime. The result is that I now have a 3year old and a 4 month old who are in bed asleep bt 7.30 each night, and sleep till 7am, which means happy babies and a hapy mummy!!!
DH and I love being able to have time to unwind (with a glass or two of wine )at the end of the day.
All the best, and congratulations on motherhood!!

Flip

1 2