thread2225

[Binker]

I wondered whether anyone else feels like this - I have a four and a half year old son and we've decided that he is to be our only child.Our family unit feels complete and our son is a happy little boy,much loved and adored by all the family. Sometimes though I feel something that is a bit like grief,if that doesn't sound too dramatic,that time is passing,and I feel almost sad looking back at days when he was smaller. I'm so glad that I don't have a small baby to look after-I don't yearn for another child- it's just grief for a time that's passed. I suppose it's a bit similar to feelings I had just after he was born,although I was overjoyed to have my baby safely with us,I felt very sad about saying goodbye to my life before children. Anyone else like this ?

Binker I feel exactly like this and have tried to explain this feeling without success before but I think I am talking about the same thing as you.
I don't think it is relevant how many children you have either.
I look at my baby and am acutely aware that for all intents and purposes the child I am holding in my arms today will cease to exist ( in that form!) in a very short time.
I think this with all three of my children, not just the baby.
If I look at a photo taken of my daughter 6 months ago when she was almost one she is a completely different child, and the one in the picture is no longer with us and I feel a strange sense of loss. Obviously you get a new, older child in place of the one which has grown up....then they grow up too and you lose them as well. Am I making any sense here?

Hi Binker, Jasper, yes I know exactly how you feel, thank you for putting it into words so well, I always struggle to do this. Sometimes when I look at my dd (also 4 1/2 and an only one) especially when she has just achieved something new and I feel tears welling up, yes partly through pride, but mainly because she is growing up and my little girl is getting bigger and more independent. I think the bit about time that's passed is so true. I also think for me it is about questioning if I have made the right choices, even though I would not not change anything I have, illogical I know.

Message withdrawn

Oh wow, have you guys really struck a chord. We made the decision about 3 months ago not to have any more. Ds is approaching 4.

I feel quite tearful reading what's already been written, and I understand that really it doesn't matter how many you have in the first place, the fact is, they ALL change as they grow up... the difference is, though, that having made the decision to have only one, you know that you'll never see a repeat "performance", so to speak.

Having said that, you'll never have a repeat "performance" of a baby who's crying for hours on end, a child who won't sleep through the night etc etc.

I suppose we just ought to be thankful that we have happy, healthy children. I can understand, though, why camcorders are such good things!

sitting reading this bubbling...need to get out more

Oh Jasper! Don't feel that way! It's making me all teary-eyed too. My ds (2yrs) can be a real pickle sometimes, so then I look forward to him being a couple of years older so I can reason with him more, but then I look at him now and his little ways and wish he could stay like that forever, that I could lock him in a box to keep him young! We just have to cherish each and every day we have with them and be thankful we have been blessed with these dear little people. Now someone pass the tissues ...

thanks so much all of you for writing these words- very comforting and reassuring - will look back at these posts when I feel sad !