Do you think it is better for a child to have a sibling or for you to give them a better start materially?

[Berriesinautumn]

Okay, don't harsh on me. I have recently suffered a late miscarriage and am really struggling. But we need to decide whether to try again. Age is against us and after this experience I am terrified of things going wrong again. Other option to explore is adoption.
Or we could stop at one. I would find this hard as I so want another child. But it would mean we were able to save more money to help dc start out in life, and I do think things are much less socially equal than they were when I was a young adult. So having parents to help you is a bigger advantage than it was 20 years ago. But then I worry desperately about dc being lonely and having no one when we die, which will be when he is still relatively young. I know there is no guarantee siblings will be close but me and my brother are not close but I am still glad he is around now mum is ill.

Sorry to hear about your MC Berrie
I think as adults we assume children should have siblings, actually my friends who are only children have always maintained they prefer it that way, i have siblings and we all lead very different lives, i do remember my oldest bro saying how much he resented the rest of us as he was perfectly happy being the only one for four years, then came more, and he felt really cross about it and resentful!
Sorry not a very helpful post, but may be just give yourselves some more time before making any further decisions.

Thanks Sagethyme. Thing is, due to our age we don't have a lot of time to make a decision. It is hard though.

It is helpful to hear about people being happy onlys. So thanks again.

There are several threads on this theme in the one child families topic. You might find it helpful to read those, as some of the same questions come up there.

I am one of 6 and so is dh, I am not that close to my siblings as I am the only one with dc so we live very separate lives and dh siblings live quite a way away so we don't see them that often either. But when fil died in the summer all of dh siblings supported each other and I know if I ever need them my siblings will be there for me, as I am for them.

I think whatever you decide to do your DC will be fine, it is great to have siblings, it is also great not to and to have the extra time and money from parents. I am sorry you are in this position, but I really think there is no wrong decision, just different ones. I wanted two children and only ended up with one. Two would have been lovely, and I don't doubt DS would have loved having a sibling. He is a very happy 7 year old now, and close to his cousins, with all the benefits of being an only.

Thanks everyone. Flexibility, one of the reasons I worry about ds being lonely is that he has no cousins and is very unlikely to have any. Even if he did they would live hundreds of miles away. His only family are aunts and uncles who are our age and so we will all die around the same time.

I guess that is something that may sway your thinking, although there is nothing to say he won't build up a good network of friends who are like family to him. He is also likely to have his own partner, and possibly children for support when that time comes. I feel for you, it is a very difficult decision to have to make. It does sound like you really want another one though.