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Feel guilty

4 replies

EmilyBoo · 27/10/2014 06:53

Like most am prob writing this as some kind of therapy? I feel like I've been a terrible mother - I know sleep deprivation is not easy but I just dont handle it well! I feel bad cos after being up every hour either for my 4 month old - who is genereally pretty good - or my 3 yr old who wake for wees etc (I am grateful she doesn't wet bed - but its another disruption) - I breastfeed my baby 3 times a night roughly - he wakes around 5.30 for last feed, then it wakes my toddler up who has never slept thru for 3 years she now always comes into my room - I can deal with all that - but last night think i was disturbed every hour then no sleep from about 4am onwards with non stop unsettled baby. I ended up screaming - not really directly at him - just at life, then - like a bloody banshee i was wailing on the stairs while my 3 yr old heard this and she started crying too - at which i felt so bloody crap and no better then a toddler myself - I went into her, told i wasn't angry at her but at my life (!) and tried to calm down. I don't know i jsut look and feel awful - like the walking dead. I shouted at a baby for gods sake.

I'm pathetic. but sometimes so tired i can'yt make sentence and my limbs and joints ache. but i shouldnt scream and wail - my partner - who is rarely here - would prob be horified. now im worried my neighbours thinking the worst and will call servicses!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EmilyBoo · 27/10/2014 07:10

and another thing (!) my relationship is really suffering - we try and have nice weekends together (he works away all week) and end up miscommunicating and biting each others head off - so theres more tears. My 3 yr old daughter just wants to watch TV alot - and shes so bright and i try to do all the crafts and woodland activites with her as much as i can with a baby - and i hate her watching TV every morning - i was NEVER allowed TV at all really! I should have been more patient - not like a child. I was yelling SHHHHH SHHHHHHHH at him really loudly - and i swore - tho not directly at him! I think its just venting - but am worried i have rage issues. My own mum was always gentle - she never lost it! How come?! Mind you i do remember being smacked quite a few times when i was young and I have NEVER resorted to that nor ever will - feels so wrong. (I say this now!) And even tho i was smacked - quite angrily at times i adore my parents and know i was just being a little shit! So maybe we sohuld not feel so bad. I just worry that everything i do is affecting their personalities. But i guess they are more resilient then this ?

But i must calm my crying down - now my DD will prob always resort to crying and screaming when things go wrong.

thoughts?

BTW - my baby is now (3 hours later!) happy and chortling on play mat....

OP posts:
louisejxxx · 27/10/2014 07:16

Anybody who says they haven't had a moment like this is a fibber..I know I've definitely done similar.

Nothing to feel guilty about as far as I'm concerned, you are massively sleep deprived, and presumably managing by yourself with 2 kids Monday to Friday..you are only human!

TheGirlAtTheRockShow · 27/10/2014 10:19

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!
Don't beat yourself up, it happens to us all (and I don't even have a toddler yet).
Talk to your DP. Does he help with the toddler in the night at all? When he is around, obviously.

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kiki0202 · 27/10/2014 19:07

When DS was a baby and had woke 9 times in 6 hours one night (not that unusual for him) I was rocking him and had this sudden rage and impulse to literally throw him like a rag doll into his cot and scream shut the fuck up at him. It was the lowest of lots of low points I've certainly shouted at him to go to sleep a few times but never hurt him thankfully the night after I started co sleeping to save my sanity.

You need to speak to your DP or mum or friend or GP and ask for help for all your sakes. I found I was in a cycle of feeling angry that he didn't sleep (not at him) then guilty for feeling angry it just went round and made me even more miserable the best thing you can do is ask for help vent to someone you trust and accept it's ok to find it hard and not always enjoy it.

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