surely I should be coping better with two by now?!

[Misty9]

Dd is six months and ds is just three years. And I'm definitely struggling. I only have both kids for 2.5 days in the week as grandad and nursery are the rest. OObviously I have dd all the bloody time. Dh works from home and is amazing at doing his fair share. I also have a great social support network of similar aged families. So why am I finding this so hard? :(

Dd is a bit of a crap sleeper, day and night, and often up for an hour or more at night. So I'm permanently tired, generally pretty grumpy and find ds increasingly infuriating with his constant singing and chatter. I don't like myself for it but I'm shouting quite a lot. I have zero patience.

I Don't think I'm depressed, just feel stressed and knackered most the time. Is this normal?!

I can't offer much advice really but I just wanted to say that I felt similar. I have two dc with a 17 month age gap and didn't start to enjoy it until around 6months ago (dd, my youngest, has just turned 2). Even now, we have our bad days like today where all I seem to do is shout, nag and moan and the dc pick up on that.
Ds is 3.6 now and can be an argumentative little bugger at times; I struggle to deal with this, especially if I'm knackered from having been up during the night - last night dd kept coughing and waking herself up (chest infection ) and ds had a poo at 4am and ended up in our bed because he wouldn't go back to sleep.
I've found that the best thing to do with mine is to drop everything, which is hard to do when I have a zillion things to do, and read a story together. They seem to calm down and carry on looking at books or play together which then allows me to carry on with my jobs.
I think what I'm trying to say is that, after a while, you'll find little things that work in different situations that will bring windows of calm and help you get through the day; and the 1st year, in my experience at least, is the hardest. Hopefully someone will come along with better and more useful words of wisdom; I just didn't want to leave you unanswered.

No better advice or words of wisdom but just a bit of empathy for you both, because I'm finding it tough too. Today has been particularly crap. Here's to a better day for all of us tomorrow

I'd go to the GP and talk all of this through. I'm not saying that you have depression, but your GP might have some strategies for helping you cope better.

Thank you both. mumof you almost made me cry (in a good way!) and I really do hope I find the little windows of calm that you mention. We've had night coughing and pooing too, from dd though. I hope yours are feeling better soon.

Definitely here's to a better day tomorrow. Or at least no crying in a town centre shop cafe!

I have a 3 year old and nearly 6 month old and am also struggling. Im only surviving cos my parents come round most days. Im dreading going back to work in 10 days cos the nights are horrendous (both DSes wake several times each night)

So, no advice, but you are not alone

Definitely hoping for a better night's sleep and an easier day tomorrow - I'm half tempted to put ear plugs in but then I'd feel guilty about leaving it all to dh! Dd's chest is much less rattly today - the antib's seem to be kicking in now and so far tonight I've not heard a single cough. She even ate some stew for her tea and some supper - the most she's eaten all week - so hopefully she's turned a corner now. As for ds' night pooing, I've no idea how to get him out of that; it's been every night at around the same time for weeks! The only thing we can do is wipe his bum and then lay with him 'til he drops off, which usually only takes 20 mins but after 3/4 hour last night I thought sod it, he's coming in with us!

I would 2nd the advice from a pp and seek help from gp/health visitor if you feel you might be slipping into depression; after I had dd I was depressed - crying at the drop of a hat, dreading every day I had both dc on my own, not wanting to get up, eating loads of chocolate instead of meals and putting a lot of weight on, arguing and snapping at dh... The hv referred me for interpersonal therapy which helped quite a lot. In the end, I found that going back to work, taking up a hobby and getting something of myself back was the thing that brought me out of it.
Here's hoping things improve soon

I think it's just because you're really really tired. I have a 3 year old DD & a 6 month old DS & felt just like you do now, but a few weeks ago DS started sleeping through the night & I feel a million times better, and can cope with whatever problems the day throws at me.

Sleep deprivation is sanity and soul destroying. I felt like this when my younger DD was a baby. I just couldn't understand why people said it was easier second time around, I was permanently shattered and wondered at times if having a second had been a terrible mistake that would cost me my relationship with my elder daughter and even my marriage. (Sleep deprivation made me lose all sense of perspective and catastrophise a fair bit.) The good news from the other side is, it got better. Not right away but certainly by the time DD2 was walking and sleeping and could be in a similar eat-play-sleep routine to her sister instead of me feeling as though their different needs we're pulling me in different directions all the time. And now (at 10 and 7) they are best friends and I am so so glad we had two. So nothing practical to offer, but lots of sympathy and hope you see the other side very soon.

So only 7 years to go then, thegirl seriously though, thank you for your encouragement.

Another not great night but older one is at nursery today so me and dd are still in bed. Just gotta get through it, I know. definitely helps to know I'm not alone in finding it difficult.