UPDATE - 1 YEAR ON!
Well, I'm re-animating this zombie thread almost one year after I started it! I have read a number of the books suggested by people (and one they didn't), and wanted to share my thoughts.
The Baby in the Mirror: A Child's World from Birth to Three by Charles Fernyhough
I did find many aspects of this book interesting from a developmental point of view. There is really good detail of how those vital first 3 years shape a child and the mental leaps the child must make over the course of that time. Although in some ways the "family story" narrative helped to ground the development of his daughter in time, I found it slightly distracting in places - especially the overly flowery language sometimes used to describe their time in Australia. I felt I wanted more details on the science and less on his and his daughters life. Never the less it is a good book, and a good starting point for me considering what was to come.
Why Love Matters: How affection shapes a baby's brain by Sue Gerhardt
There is no question that this is a book heavy on neuroscience. There is a lot of detail in certain chapters, but I think the author is just about able to balance this with anecdotes and case studies so that it doesn't ever get too dry for too long. There is some absolutely fascinating stuff in here, that is also bang up to date as the latest edition was updated in 2015. There is a lot to take in however so I may have to revisit it again in the future. One point about the book is that it tends to deal mostly with the effects on children who have been neglected to various levels of severity, it doesn't talk a great deal about typical, healthy babies and toddlers. However it is easy to infer from the writing that if certain things have gone badly wrong in some cases, how you should be doing the exact opposite to raise a happy healthy child. Definitely the most "sciencey" book of those I've read.
Diary of a Baby: What Your Child Sees, Feels, and Experiences by Daniel Stern
This is a book written by an early years psychiatrist in a very interesting format. He tries to imagine how a baby would record their feelings in a diary at various key developmental ages, 6 weeks, 4 months, 12 months etc. It's a quirky idea that he admits is going to be pure conjecture on some level, but is also based on his years of experience and the latest research. Although a bit less pure science than other books, I did enjoy reading his interpretation of how a baby might be feeling, and found that it gave me a slightly different insight into what might be going through a baby's mind at a particular stage of development. I think it might be a bit of a Marmite book, but I enjoyed it.
How Babies Think: The Science of Childhood by Alison Gopnik, Andrew Meltzoff & Patricia K Kuhl
This is the most recent book I've read and also my favourite. It has a really accessible style which takes you through science's understanding of how babies think and learn, and how important adults are in that process. Most of it is based around neurotypical babies and children and so is relevant to most people. I found myself permanently interesting in what the authors were saying, and never getting bored (which sometimes happened with the other books). There is a lot of comparison of brains with computers which appeals to my way of thinking, and of babies with little scientists. They even end up with some very tentative child rearing recommendations based on the science, which is interesting after having read through the bulk of the book beforehand which concentrates on explanations. If you are going to choose just one book, this is highly recommended.
Now to choose my next book to read! 