anyone have any general tips on how to help a 7 year old girl increase her confidence and self esteem and be herself more

[magicpixie]

she started doing things to go along with the crowd

we have always told her and shown her how much we love her

how special she is and all her good qualities

shes seems to be of an age where shes becoming suceptable to peer pressure

Does she do any activities? We do swimming (non-negotiable) but other activities haven't been very successful at all. Dance, gym, all non-starters and caused a lot of heartache. My DD1 suffered with confidence, and we've found that music lessons have really, really boosted her. She can see how she improves, and as she's having private piano lessons, is only in competition with herself, and has the full attention of her teacher. She's recently started another instrument in group sessions, and the confidence she's gained over the 10 months or so of piano has really helped.

Also, don't confuse being confident with being extraverted. If what she's really doing is observing from the sides, then appreciate that she's joining in in her own way. And tell her so.

What does her teacher say about confidence in the classroom?

Manchester funny you should say that as she mentioned instruments this am

and I did think hhmm I wonder

she did swimming lessons for a couple of years and is now a v good swimmer and enjoys going but she doesn't go to lessons anymore as she doesn't really need to because she can swim well now

and I take your point that confident and extraverted are not the same thing

wise advice

will talk to her about music

She's definitely of an age where peer pressure becomes more of an issue. This book is very interesting on the subject. (I'm not normally one to go in for "parenting" books - this is more about child development and the phases girls' go through, and I've found it very reassuring to realise how normal my two pre-teen girls are!)

Be interested in her friends - get to know them - then you are more able to be the voice of reason if friendships go a bit pear-shaped. I seem to spend a lot of time reassuring my slightly older daughter that it's really not her fault when the queen bee in her group goes off in a huff because she's not the centre of attention for two minutes .

Try and have plenty of one-to-one time when she will know how much you value her for herself. She wants to know how she fits in with her peers, but she still needs you as a sounding-board to help her understand when the things they are doing are not really her cup of tea.

I'd also agree with having an outside interest - or an alternative circle of friend (e.g. Brownies or similar). It provides other ways of building up self-esteem when the school friends are not really cutting it.

oh she does go to brownies
shes getting on well there

another hobby or interest is sounding sensible

thankyou for the book suggestion
I might try that
I think I may have read it actually when shes was really small but I can't really remember what it said