How do you balance the need to validate and reassure your child with the need to promote excellence and "doing your best"?

[ScareyCaligulaCorday]

This just arose from another thread. And at the weekend I was thinking about it. DS (7) has homework and I tell him to plan what he's going to do and write it out in rough first, so that when he copies it into his homework book, it looks nice.

He's pissed off with it ("why do I have to do it twice? Why can't I just cross out mistakes?")

Well, because if I let him do it straight into his book, it will be a mass of crossings out and badly presented work. I know he's only 7, but I want him to understand the importance of good presentation and for it to be an automatic habit, rather than something which takes him years to learn (as it did me).

So will I turn him into a neurotic over-acheiver with eating disorders if I insist on this, or will he be a lazy celebrity-obsessed slob who wants to take short cuts and go on Big Brother as an easy route to fame if I don't? What's the balance?

Discuss!

guess if her does it the rushed way, then school will berate him?

or is that ludicrously optimisitc?

that sounds a bit much at 7 tbh, caligula. It will teach him about presentation, but may destroy any pleasure he gets from writing.

can't you compromise with him and just get him to write a plan first, with no writing out in rough?

I think some children are naturally neat and tidy and some have to work hard to be that way (both mine are incredibly messy).

As you were like that, it may be a clue as to why your ds is that way (neither dh or I could ever have claimed to be tidy/neat children!)

I wouldn't push him too hard - he has to learn and when he does his school work at school, he's not going to be able to do it twice.

Aaaaaggghhhh!! I don't know either!

DD1-- clever, quick, butterfly mind. Dashes homework off and it's good enough to satisfy a teacher, but could be a whole lot better. My inclination is to persuade her to look at it again, but then I notice that she's becoming obsessive about keeping her room tidy (and I use the word obsessive quite deliberately) and, even though she wears clothes 2-3 years smaller than her age she's worried about being fat...

(Orlando retreats guiltily to a corner to await the ladies with the answers.)

Ah Foxinsocks! My saviour in the homework debacle this weekend!

at 7 (not sure if yr2 or yr3), he's probably still trying to concentrate on lots of different things - spelling, joining up the letters etc. etc. I think doing it neatly is probably way down his list of things to get right!

I guess neatness goes up the list as he starts to get the other things sorted (spelling, joining letters etc.).

When I was teaching I encouraged pupils to plan in rough first, and then write up in best - but missed out the writing out in full in rough. A few crossing outs won't hurt so long as done neatly.

Can he not use a computer for editing?

I think it must be part of the curriculum because dd is often coming back saying she has made a 'plan' as to what her story is going to say

hello orlando - hope the homework went ok in the end!

When I say plan, I don't mean write out a plan - just read everything first and think about the questions and how you're going to do it, so that you don't start doing something which you can't continue because you've chosen the wrong thing to do, iyswim.

Computer might be a good idea Hula. He associates that with fun.

It did, thanks to you. It's always a bit of a tightrope though. Maybe you could be her personal homework guru?

I was just going to say that although imo neatness and presentation is important,as in the future when it begins to count for their assesment surely most of the work will be done on a pc anyway.

Fwiw, I can barely handwrite but am able to construct my thoughts reasonable well on a computer.

I think that making him plan it out first may make him dread the whole thing. DS (6) usually does his in pencil, so he can rub out mistakes. But when he does use pen, its fine to have crossings out, as it shows he is correcting his own mistakes. He often cosses out when he's writing greetings cards - looks a bit messy but I think its fine at that age.

When your DS is in class, he will be crossing out anyway.

Agree Carmenere, but it's not so much the writing which bothers me, it's the actual attitude. I just want him to care about it, really, to see it as something worth spending a bit of time and effort on.

I feel quite ambiguous about it, because he wants to get back to his Harry Potter book and not be interrupted by this annoying homework and at the age of 7, I frankly agree with him. However, at the same time I want him to know that when something has to be done, however much arse it is, it's better to spend just a little time and effort on it to do it well because he'll enjoy doing it more and feel proud of what he's done.

And I know I sound like all those excrutiatingly sanctimonious teachers I seem to have come across in the first year of secondary school...(the ones before and after just weren't as toe-curlingly po-faced)

He's reading Caligula, he's reading whole books at 7. That will stand him in better stead than neat homework. I wouldn't worry too much about him tbh.

Actually yes you're right. It's much more important that he's reading books for his own pleasure.

It's not that I want it to be neat, but that I want him to know he has to put effort in. But perhaps I shouldn't bother as I don't really agree he should be doing homework at all at this age. Maybe I'll wait until next year (or even the year after) before I start mithering him about presentation.

Scarey - my son hates homework too (he's 6), or rather he sees it as a chore. If I sit with him, he really enjoys it though. He just doesn't like to be left alone doing it. But it sounds as though you sit with him anyway.

I think its great your DS loves reading, mine does too and I'm really proud of that - it will set him up for life and enthuse him to learn a wider vocabulary.