Feeling sad about dd's unpopularity

[knickernicker]

DD is 8. She has been at her school a year and hasn't made friends. She often plays alone. I've been reluctant to arrange for children to come over the o play because the request seems inauthentic as not two way and probably wouldn't be reciprocated.
Last week I decided to suck up my pride and invite 2 of the girls that dd likes to play. Mother of one of them took week to reply saying sorry she had forgotten to and her dd couldn't make it. No reason just couldn't come. It really hurts me more than it would dd I think.
DD is just very very quiet. She feels unable to start conversations or to easily join in. Shes comfortable in her own skin being alone but also misses the company. Her teacher knows and looks out for her. She's made her form captain to boost her..
Just feeling alone and would be grateful for any ideas or reassurance.

To add. Dd has a best friend out of school and does Brownies, swimming and ballet. She doesn't chat at these either unless best friend is there. She does like these activities though.

Thanks for your replies QTPie. When she started the school last year there were only3 other girls and she didn't gel with them. As new girls arrived she was now habitually the quiet one so hasn't felt she could befriend them. She tends to need to have one friend in order to have the confidence to make others.

My DD is 7 and has a similar issue at school. The girls in her year group (only 4 of them in total!) are just very different from her. She's quite quirky and I don't think she can connect with them the way she wants to! She did have a best friend in Reception year but she moved away and since then she's only had one play date at another girl's house (plus several that weren't reciprocated)

It's great your DD has a best friend outside school. That's a bonus as hopefully they won't get sick of each other being together all day! I guess it's down to whether she'd be ok with moving primary school again to gain a wider friendship group? Is it an option for you?

My eldest is now 11 and this was her a few years ago. No friends at school, being alone in the play ground. She always seemed to struggle with groups.

Fast forward a few years, she has a best friend who is completely on her wave length. Together they have built a circle of friends, although not close friends they do play together and spend time together.

My daughter still struggles to an extent if her best friend isn't there but it's so much better now.

I think some girls just find it takes longer to make friends and find the process harder.

I've encouraged "play dates" despite not always being invited back, and I've especially encouraged her best friend to spend time out of school together.

My dd is now 9 and we have been through friendship ups and downs. All is calm at the moment ad she has a little group of 3 friends. She is still quiet and we are working on the "shyness" as, for her, it does come across as unfriendly. For instance she has been reluctant to say hello to children we see on the way to school. IMO she had to get over this.

So, 2 things have helped us. You've mentioned having friends over and I would say keep this up. One child at a time is best. I found they were keen to play together in the play ground if they were coming to tea, and then when they play 1 to 1 at home they bond. I also invited friends along for days out at farm parks / visit to local park etc, which went down well.

I also found books on friendship/making friends to be really helpful. DD just loved reading them!