Any positive experiences of parenting or being an only child?

[Caniaskaquestion]

I have recently miscarried ds2. I need to be realistic that ds will be an only. Due to our ages, this experience and two traumatic scares in ds1's pregnancy we don't think we can face trying again.

So please, give me positive stories of your reasons for having an only, or the positives of having an only, or happy experiences of being an only!

I am not looking for balance, so please don't post bad experiences!

I am an only child. Had a fantastic life with so many opportunities that my parents could not have afforded if I had had siblings!

I'm an only and have had a fabulous time. I have never once pined for siblings and I don't have close cousins. My parenta were very keen to help me build friendships and I often had children home after school. They also stressed sharing and how to stand up for myself. I have 2 children, but for us not them. They get on and that's fabulous but I know lots of siblings who don't. Don't worry about it. Enjoy!

Ok. Here's my list (and I have an only not by choice so know a bit of what you are experiencing).

And these are in my opinion only so people don't get judgy on me.

You get your adult life back so much quicker
You don't have to deal with sibling rivalry/violence
My DD has really close relationships with her cousins, I never seen or hear from mine
She also has a special relationship with my mother as they do things together. Any more and my mum wouldnot be able to cope physically.
It's cheaper
Although I am defo her mother we do have a friendship as well as often it's just us.

DD is ten now and if someone said to me they could wave a magic wand and I could be pregnant with no complications etc etc. I don't think I would say yes as what DD and I have is so special and I think part of that is down to being an only.

I have an only DD. The positives for me are:

I can spend all my spare time on her, this has helped to make her very confident, very articulate, well behaved and very secure.

I can afford more for her, holidays are cheaper, birthdays and christamases are cheaper, she can try out clubs, after school stuff, trips etc without breaking the bank.

I can spend more one on one time with her on things like reading, schoolwork, homework which means she is doing well and the school comments on her being well supported.

I was worried about her being a 'lonely only' so made sure she took part in lots of stuff with other children; she has school friends, home friends, holiday friends and so on. She is a very sociable child (far more than me - I had to push myself to do it)

We have periods of 'quiet' - when she's reading a book or playing by herself it's nice and quiet and calm. We have lots of sleepovers/friends round but all of us enjoy the peace and quiet after they've gone!

Hi OP, there are some lovely threads on this in the 'one parent family' topic in parenting. Can't link because of iPad but there's a really great one on positives of being a one child family, and a few others you may like to look at.

DH and I have pretty much decided that our DD will be an only. I always thought we would have two, but for various reasons it's the right decision for us.

Sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. I am 36 and am an only child. My father was ill when I was born, and as a result my parents were unable to have more children.
Everyone has their own, unique experience. My childhood, Tennant life and adulthood have all been wonderful. I never yearned for a sibling, but always had a dog who was my best friend, sibling, confidant etc... My parents and I are incredibly close and I cherish our relationship. I also had extremely wonderful relationships with my grandparents.

I am pregnant with my first child, and have never imagined having more than one, but I guess I'll see how I feel down the line.

In my experience, being an only child is all I know, and I have always been happy, sociable and well balanced.

Hope that's helpful x

I echo all of the above. I have an only DD and now I wouldn't have it any other way (always thought I'd have lots of children but nature dictated one).

I have just thrown her a Halloween party for a load of friends (school friends and out of school friends) and I would never have had the energy to do that with more. I throw a party for her at Christmas and Easter and have done since age 3 (she's 10 now) which couldn't have happened if I'd had more children as expensive and house not big enough.

Whenever we go out to an adventure park or zoo/farm etc we bring along another friend/cousin so she has a playmate which makes my life easier plus as it's a friend/cousin there's not the arguments as there would be with siblings as it's a treat!

We do crafts, cooking, gardening together one on one which I could never have had with my mum as had 5 other siblings. We still read to her whenever she wants and we snuggle up to watch TV.

DH is doing maths with her as she has a test coming up and we would be exhausted if we had to do that with anymore (we had DD later in life so we don't have as much energy).

Enjoy your DS and the special bond you'll inevitably have with him but make sure he has lots of interaction with other DC and time to just 'be' as well.

Thanks everyone. I have thought that having more money to spend on ds will be a bonus. We are not loaded with cash so it is nice to know we will have money to support him in hobbies, and to save cash to help him at uni or start a business or buy a home, depending on what he does with his life. With one we are also more able to move out of the catchment for the dreadful secondary school near us : )
Missy, family and cammsie, it is great to hear your happy experiences of being an only.
Needs, thanks for pointing me in the direction of the one child family threads. I will look those up.
Does anyone think I will need to be more sociable? That I will need to make friends so ds plays with their kids? Or should I just give him opportunities to make his own friends? I am not massively sociable, I have always made friends but only with people I actually like. I am not one of those people who just gets along with anyone and everyone. And I don't really have time to cultivate lots of new friendships anyway.
Ds has no cousins and is highly unlikely to have any, and besides they would live a days travel away.

I'm an only child and I loved it! I had a great childhood and never missed having brothers or sisters.

I am an only child with 3DC of my own. My mum has been hugely involved with my DC. Friends who have siblings seem to find often that there is a tension where grandparents are afraid of playing favourites or spreading themselves too thin, so hold back a bit.

& I was sent to two weeks summer camp every summer from age 8 - so I was perfectly robust re: other kids being in my space.

I also loved my own company growing up, and still do. In my experience many only children are like that. It also meant that I was a little more picky in relationships because I knew I could be happy without a partner in my life, iyswim.

Oh how I agree with LiviaDruscillaAugusta (love that name!)… I was only child of older parents with no cousins. My upbringing was very adult orientated but extremely happy. I was expected to keep myself occupied and loved reading and still do; this love has been passed onto my own DC.
Now I am older and living on my own I am happy with my own company and not lonely, although I am delighted to spend time with others.
All in all IMHO being an only prepares you well for life.

I've thought of another benefit! I have agreed with work that I will go back full time once ds is in school. But I might be able to afford to still be part time to some degree, so I will get to spend more time with ds!

Sorry about your miscarriage.

I am an only daughter, of an only father, with an only daughter.

Honestly, don't overthink it.

I am a bit antisocial, but that's not because I'm an only child. It's because a lot of people irritate me, I have a very busy working life, so my idea of heaven is locking myself in a room with a book and NO OTHER PEOPLE!

Dd is the most sociable butterfly I have ever met. That's not to do with her being an only either. It's just the way she is. Her best friend (who has siblings) is a shy timid girl who can't look other people in the eye.

For every sociable extrovert child with siblings, there will be one without. For every shy retiring only, there will be a party animal. (I am suffering on 4 hrs sleep because of dd's pyjama party today for example)

I think the only thing while they are little, is possibly yes, you might have to be a bit more proactive at organizing having friends round and going to kid related things. But only until they get to school, then it's all taken out of your hands anyway. (thank God, softplay and park stuff, along with playing with glittery shit is my idea of hell on earth!)

People inevitably come up with the (rather bizarre) "what if something happens to your only child?" argument (the deputy head of dd's school told me that, just a few months ago "oh have another child, you must, what if...." I pointed out that a) I am 49 next week and have been menopausal and without a period since Christmas and b) should I take a lover on as well, in case dp goes under a bus tomorrow?

Something I also notice, is that siblings are not very often "best friends". Of course, sometimes they are, but I think so many children are "forced" to play with little brother or sister (especially when one of them has another friend round) that it can turn into resentment. Dd's friend is 4 yrs older than her brother, but I always invite him too, as I know it would be frowned upon not to, and when dd goes round there, he is always involved too, and his sister, at nearly 12, rants in private to dd about how much she hates it. She is also now old enough to have worked out that it's just an easy gaff for her Mum, her daughter has a friend round, and she gets to offload the little brother too. Job done.

DNA is random clumping of scientific thingies.

My teenage dd heard me blithely recommending to my friends that they should have at least two children and piped up that I was wrong, that she was glad she was an only child as all her friends with younger siblings complained so much about them.

I found some drawbacks to having an only child, but we were able to spend a lot of time on her hobbies, for example, which would not have been possible if there had been a younger child who did not share her interests.

I am also slowly accepting that dd may be an only. She is nearly 5.
Due to our ages, trying 3 years with no luck and prohibitive cost of ivf, I think that's it for us.

Happily though, due to no siblings, she is growing up to be assertive, sociable, happy to entertain herself. Like another poster said, as I have time to devote to her, she is also very well behaved and is doing brilliantly at school as we do all the extra at home us lots of time for craft and role play.

She is lovely. I cannot wait to spend half term with her. When people ask 'would you not have a second child?', I divert the true sadness by saying 'why bother, when we have the perfect child!' cheerily and they tend to agree

Drank sangria, what the deputy head said to you is completely disgusting! What a git! That is such an inappropriate thing to say!

I am not sure why I am so hung up on a second child. It is not like me and my brother really played together. I have a few memories from very early childhood but after that we played with our own friends. So we weren't really companions. I guess I hoped ds1 and ds2 would have been closer as they would have been nearer in age. Oh well, I guess my own experience shows you can not have a sibling as a companion and still have a good childhood.

Thanks everyone for all your personal stories.

I'm an only and my mum says I always used to beg for a baby brother (not a sister though!) but I don't remember that. I had a happy childhood and don't remember feeling lonely. I have a young dd and part of me wants another and part of me doesn't. Dh has a sister and is convinced being an only is better. So I've decided to leave it up to fate.

I have siblings (different dads) but didn't grow up with them so was essentially an only child growing up. I don't feel like I missed out. My family are quite sociable so there were always loads of other kids in our house and we did big group holidays with other families.

My DS is nearly 2 and I have been thinking about whether to have another. it's not necessarily an option due to fertility issues but I think we have decided that we don't want another anyway. I love having time, energy, money to do all the things we want to with DS. All of that would be eroded by having another baby.

DH has siblings who are nice enough. They all live locally to us and we see them occasionally but we are much closer to our friends and their children who we see all the time. DS has friends and lots of play with other children but also gets lots of 1:1 from us. I don't see how having a sibling would be better for his life.