Anyone else recently had dc2 and really feel like they're cocking things up with dc1?

[Tory79]

Ds2 was born 2 weeks ago and I'm finding it so hard managing 2. I feel like I'm just constantly getting cross with ds1 (just turned 3) yelling at him to leave his brother alone, to be careful, to hurry up etc etc I've hardly played with him, he's in front of the TV or in the iPad, as I'm either feeding ds2 or just too tired and fed up to manage anything else. Even when I do try and play with him he seems more interested in trying to wake his brother up than doing anything with me.

He goes to pre school every morning, and aside from that we're currently stuck in the house as I had a c section.

We've not even had a full day on our own yet so god knows how that will go!!

I'm a SAHM, so ds1 is used to just me and him most of the time. He's normally a pretty darn lovely 3 year old, but at the moment he's so quick to get upset, and just generally angry and not himself. I hate seeing him like this and I'm terrified he's going end up hating me he seems far happier when other people are around.

Anyone else?

You could have been me 6 months ago!

My lovely 3yo didn't react well to having a new sibling - constantly trying to wake her whenever she fell asleep, roaring at her when she was feeding (causing her to come off nipple in shock and get a faceful of milk, which obviously then made her cry), etc etc.

He probably got more Peppa Pig in the first month of his sisters life than he had in the rest of his life! And pre-baby I think I could count on one hand the number of times I'd raised my voice to him... post baby, some days I felt I was doing nothing but shout at him, and I'd still only shout if he was doing something imminently dangerous to himself or her. He seemed (understandably) miserable, and I felt like I was the worlds worst mum.

BUT, it has got better. DH even commented this weekend how much happier he seems. Be kind to yourself - you are managing a new baby, which is absolutely full-on, and you are still managing to keep yourself and toddler alive too - that is a real achievement. Its still early days, and as baby gets bigger and you recover from childbirth, things will improve exponentially. I have now even reached the point where I manage to do frivolous things like clean the bathroom again!

In terms of practical advice, here are five little activities I found kept him happy without being too messy/needing too much input from me (spoiler: the day I decided to let him paint alone will not be appearing on the list below):

• playing with washing up bubbles: put a plastic tray on a towel, and put some play cups, little bowls and spoons etc next to it. Put 1cm of water into bottom of washing up bowl, add lots of washing up liquid, agitate with hand to make lots of bubbles, then scoop bubbles off (leaving water behind) and put them on plastic tray. Leave child to play happily for probably at least 20 minutes, and even if bubbles get chucked all over floor its not too wet and if its a tiled floor its a bonus free clean!

• get a magic painting book and give some cotton buds (to use instead of paint brushes as they make less mess and make the painting take longer) and a plate with a shallow amount of water on it.

• collect a random assortment of plastic lunchboxes/cups etc and stick bits of sellotape all over the edges. Challenge them to get all the bits off. Repeat.

• cover a table with an old duvet to make a 'den' underneath. Let child move favourite toys in and 'decorate' with pictures ripped from magazines with sellotape on

• colour in penne pasta with felt tips, then thread onto wool/string to make bracelet/necklace

Hope this is some use, and chin up, it will get better!

Thanks itmustbealime. It's so hard isn't it. I find myself wishing away ds2's newborn days waiting for it to get easier, which also feels awful as he's a pretty easygoing baby and I quite enjoyed the newborn bit with ds1 anyway! So now I feel I'm letting ds2 down as well - sigh......

I definitely need to get better at planning activities for ds1 while ds2 sleeps. If I don't plan, the tv just goes on, but we did some baking the other day and he was noticeably happier!! Probably just because I'd made proper time for him!

I really feel for you. My DD2 is 3 weeks old and thankfully my 2yo DD has been a star with her. However, my mum gave me good advice that there is nothing wrong with a bit of healthy neglect for the baby. They need feeding and changing. They don't need holding all the time. So I put her down way more than my first, in a rocking chair with her dummy, so I can concentrate on my eldest. Also a sling means you can be hands free (once you've recovered from your cs).

Love the activity advice from a pp. Will do some of those for sure!!

Love the advise if the activities
I am past my due date now but may spend the next few days organising resources for ds!!! He is almost 2 and into everything, might have to dig a few birthday presents out early for him too
Like the water paint thou - off to Wilcos I go