ds claims he doesn't want to go on school trip because he hates his Teacher.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Not quite sure how to tackle this. Ds is in year 6 and though he is an excellent reader and is perfectly able in English he is dreading his English lessons (daily) as he does not like his teacher for English. I don't think it is a case of bullying more a clash of personality and teaching style. Ds is very sensitive and easily discouraged so a robust challenging teacher is a bit of struggle for him. I don't know what his teacher is like as we don't get an opportunity to meet all the subject teachers until later in the school year.

She may well be a dragon but I doubt very much ds is being singled out. Of course that is my assumption as I am not in a position to sit in. Anyway I have met his form tutor - who is a lovely man and I am encouraging ds to speak to his form teacher if he is struggling.

So in Nov the kids in his year have been offered a school trip - to the Harry Potter studios - ds has read HP and loves the films. This morning he was in tears trying to tell me that he hates Harry Potter and does not want to go on the trip. In the end I got the 'truth' (which is sometimes a flexible concept for ds) - that he does not want to spend the day with his english teacher - she is obviously the trip organiser.

Now I have said I am not making any decisions about this until we have talked properly this evening - I have paid for the trip and I really want him to go as I think ds will miss out if he doesn't go. But he is a stubborn blighter and prone to cutting his nose off ... etc. Which is deeply frustrating. His auto response to school trips is 'I don't want to go' and one of the things we want to work on this year is encouraging him to be more positive about opportunities. It is hard work though. I imagine he could be placed in a group that is not being lead by his eng teacher if we spoke to the school.

But really I am seeking some insight here - would I be supporting ds best by 'forcing' (his words) him to go, or by letting him miss it - how do I get to the crux of the issue? I have always been a person interested in new opportunities and am an extrovert in that sense ds is an introvert but that does not mean he is completely incapable of dealing with people - just that it is harder - how do I help? Cheers if you read all that !!

It's a difficult one. However when he goes to secondaryit is likely there will be more teachers he doesn't like.
I would speak to the school & get him to go. It is also a bigger issue about how he copes with this. Either you ds is not the only child that struggles with this teacher or he needs strategies to manage his feelings etc with teachers he finds difficult.

Cheers Goshhhhh - as we have a three tie school system here Middle school starts at yr5 and kids have subject teachers in a similar way to High school from then on. High school starts year 9 - Last year he didn't like the RE teacher - this year Eng next year who knows!

I do think we need to help him with coping with people and situations he doesn't like - but whether the school trip will be another day out that he ends up enjoying despite his misgivings is hard to predict.

I think you know your child best. Unless the teacher is really awful I would push a bit. My dd hated her yr3 teacher (a lot younger I know) & I wasn't that keen. Talked to him & dd & by end of the year she liked him. She is now in yr8 & copes quite well with those she dislikes & it sometimes turns into liking them

thanks again goshhh. my instinct is too push him a bit as I often have to threaten actively encourage him to come out with us on day trips particularly to unfamiliar places. and usually he can get some enjoyment out of it (even when he wont admit it!)

But, he is going on a school trip next week without the dreaded english teacher, which he is actually looking forward to. So he is not entirely set against the idea of an outing.

I have not broached it yet after dinner I think he seems pretty chilled out this evening so hopefully we can talk sensibly and without tears.

Did I miss the part where you explained why you haven't had a conversation with the teacher in question?

you may have a good point Coolas. my only reservation stems from my own childhood, my mum never made me go to clubs or activities I didnt want too. As an adult looking back I feel I learnt more about giving up on yhings that felt a bit hard, than autonomy, ifyswim? I wish my mum had been more assertive and less directed by the whims of a child, that does not mean I dictate to my kids but I am not so willing to listen to whining - I need convincing. I also need to know if I can get the £25 back for the trip!

I havent had a conversation with the teacher, yet. We spoke on the subject with his form tutor last week, but nothing ds has said raises any alarm bells. You never like all your teachers. I certainly didnt. Part of growing up is learning that there are some people you do not like. I will speak to her if ds persists in being negative about english lessons.

You sound very sensible bmsa - my DIL is a teacher (primary) and always says that parents need to equip their children with the skills to cope with issues that they find difficult in and out of school. She practices what she preaches with my DGD and it's paid off.

Can you play the whole thing down and just say that you've paid for the trip and you're sure he'll enjoy it once he's there .........not sure about talking to the English teacher ............what would you say "my son doesn't like you..........."

I think you've answered your own query in your last sentence of your last post.

Given what you've said about him more generally, I'm wondering if the teacher is a convenient excuse and he's really just a bit wary of the trip itself?

I kind of agree with you that they will sometimes not click with a particular teacher - assuming the teacher isn't being unprofessional or unkind - that is just life to an extent.

Assuming that he usually gets into stuff once he gets there, I'd be leaning towards strongly encouraging him to go.

as dh has only just got back from work and I really need to agree our approach before tackling ds, it looks like I will have to speak to him tomorrow. Thank you everyone who has posted as it is helping clarify the situation.

I want ds to feel supported but I don't want him to think a few tears will get him out of things without a good reason.

if ds tells me the eng teacher is being horrid to him then I may well raise it with the school but at the moment all I can really say is he doesn't like her which is not particularly constructive.

a late update.

Had a long chat with ds when he was nice and relaxed after dr who. Turns out that though he is not keen on spending extra time with dreaded teacher the real issue was the work. They will spend time during the morning doing script writing relared to HP. He did not want 'extra' work once I made it clear that the children not going on the trip will still be doing the related written work he conceded that he may as well not miss out the studio tour...

one lazy ds not a teacher from hell! Just goes to show I should not always take his answers at face value, a bit of patience and conversation got us to the real issue. thank you for listening.