Ex refusing to pay maintenance

[Enigma1974]

Just need some impartial advice really. Ex was paying maintenance then said he couldnt afford it. I tried to come to some arrangement which he has totally ignored. So I told him until he starts paying again I wont be dropping our three children to him (a 25 mile round trip) he will have to collect them. On his days I'll no longer give them their tea, he'll have to do it, and I'll no longer provide clothes for when they are with him (anything I send gets ruined and covered in dog hairs and returned for me to wash). I literally do everything for the kids, take/collect from school, feed/clothe them, take them to swimming/gymnastics, homework, reading, hospital appointments, drop them off to him (at the woman he had an affair with's house) for them to have to share with three other children. He treats me with contempt and says I'm a bad mom for having a social life when the children are with him! I just don't know what to do? Oh I would never stop him seeing the children btw!

No experience sorry but I didn't want you to go unanswered. If you ask MNHQ to move this to lone parents or _chat, you might get some replies

You could and probably should apply to the CSA (or child maintenance service) for child support.

And he certainly needs to be doing some more actual parenting.

I'm in exactly the same boat, 3 kids no maintenance for 6 years! Not because he can't afford it but because he is bloody bitter towards me and a dickhead!

My ex works full time, runs a garage going car repairs but isn't registered as PAYE or self employed so CSA can't touch him, tax man doesn't seem bothered that he doesn't pay tax either I have reported plenty of times!

He had just gone on his 5th aboard holiday in the last 10 months! If he can afford that then he can afford to pay for his kids! I have had enough now and told him that he is no longer having the children unless he brings maintenance with him when he collects (I used to do all drops/collections but put stop to it now) no money then the kids will not go!

I know this is wrong but I figure if he wants he can take me to court for access to the kids and then once in court we can chat about maintenance and the 5k that is still outstanding that has a liability order on!

Sorry no good advice but I think your going the right thing!

The legal route is a good idea. But never use the children as a threat or weapon. That's just not on.

Forgot to add. Have you thought about trying a mediation service first? That will be a lot cheaper than the legal route. Of course if that doesn't work out then bring in the solicitors.

This is what the now CMS is for..Is he working? self employed.

I think that not running around at his beck and call if he can't be bothered to provide for his own children is perfectly fair. As your income has reduced, then obviously you cannot afford to keep paying out for travel costs, etc.

Obviously he can still see the children, but I'd limit communication to emails, and only discuss the necessary arrangements - pick up, drop off times, etc.

On, and get in contact with CMS