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Original poster

Fussy eating - please reassure me I am dealing with this right?? He won't starve himself to death, will he..?

30 replies

BotBotticelli · 14/10/2014 12:26

Ds1 is 22mo. He has always had a big appetite and loved his food since weaning.

Now he has gone really fussy and at some meals hardly eats anything. For lunch just now I offered him 3 small triangle sandwiches (2 egg one chicken), some cucumber batons, cherry toms and 2 cocktail sausages. He ate the sausages, 2 cucumber batons then pushed it away saying finished now get down and play.

So I just said ok, but if you get down lunch is finished and there's no more food. He said ok and got down. Now playing happily.

He had a bowl of shreddies for breakfast at 7am, a banana at 9.30am and a mouthful of chocolate brownie at 10am which they were giving away on the counter in Costa. So not like he had been snacking all morning.

So should I just be ignoring this behaviour?? It's becoming more frequent. Some days he hardly eats anything at all.

I am torn - I don't want to get into the endless cycle of cajoling and bribing to eat which my sil has done with her girls. And I do hope believe that eventually when he is hungry he will eat. But it goes against my every instinct which is to try and feed him up!!

Would love to hear from some mums who have been through this, used the ignore ignore ignore method and come out the other side?? Did it work? Did your cd start eating more again of their own accord? I am just scared he is going to get ill from eating so little :-(

OP posts:
DarylDixonsDarlin · 14/10/2014 12:34

At 22mo I'd ignore it, they pretty much eat what they need, try to look at consumption over a few days rather than meal by meal...if you write down what he eats in 4 days it is probably more balanced than you think.

I say this as the mum of 8yo DS - perfect eater, 5.8yo DD - food refuser, extremely limited diet, and 25mo DD2 - perfect eater! No logic to it, didn't do anything different with the middle one except worry more Hmm

freshstart4us · 14/10/2014 15:40

OP don't worry, as Daryl says look at it over a period of several days. Is it possible that he could be teething, 2 year molars perhaps? Or just not growing a lot right now. I only have one DD and she has days off food, other days she will eat all the pies, some days a varied palate, other days she won't touch something that was her absolute favourite the week before. I know it's weird but I think perhaps she just follows her appetite a lot better than I do as an adult and only eats when hungry, which is actually a good thing, so can only suggest that your DS might be the same.

Goldmandra · 14/10/2014 19:48

Well you only really have two choices.

You can try to encourage and persuade him to eat what you think he should be eating and end up in exactly the same boat as your SIL.

You can allow him to continue to respond to his own appetite and manage his own food intake, without putting any pressure on him, thereby enabling him to have a relaxed healthy attitude to food and make the next few hundred mealtimes pleasant, sociable occasions instead of stressful battlegrounds.

I think it's a no-brainer.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting
Original poster
BotBotticelli · 14/10/2014 21:25

But what if, for example, he just decided he is not going to eat vegetables? Or carbs? And cuts out a whole food group. Should I ignore that too? (Genuine question!)

I try to offer balanced meals - protein, carb and a couple of veg. He usually eats the protein, picks at the veg and ignores the carbs.

Maybe I just need to trust this means he doesn't need carbs at the moment. But veg?? I am sure he needs them! I am going to start giving him vitamin drops tomorrow to assuage some of my fears!

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 14/10/2014 21:31

At 20 months my dd stopped eating her main meals and just wanted the yogurt she got as pudding. I wasn't on mn then so had to rely on instinct instead!Grin

I stopped the pudding and if she's said she was hungry I told her her lunch was still on the table (if it was) or that dinner was soon. Then pushed dinner forward. I didn't talk about it to her or offer alternatives. I don't think I cared if she was hungry.

Misty9 · 14/10/2014 21:35

I would just try to trust that he knows what he needs. I speak as a seasoned veteran of a child with a variable appetite. Ds is now three and still alive Grin

As for food groups, ds definitely eats more of one than another some days, then switches. Vegetables are aactually quite lacking in calories and as long as you're offering a healthy varied diet over the week, that's all you can do.

Goldmandra · 15/10/2014 00:04

Don't worry about balanced meals. Think of it as a balanced diet. If he stuffs himself silly on carrot sticks one day that means you don't need to worry that he's left the veg on his plate of roast dinner on another.

My DD used to refuse most cooked veg but loved it raw so she got what she needed in her school lunch box and in snacks and I didn't worry about cooked veg at meal times.

Look at what he eats in a week, not at one meal.

Also remember that no matter how restricted your child's diet is, if he or she is NT and a healthy weight, you are only going to make matters worse by trying to take control of what goes in their mouth. Intervening is always very likely to be counter-productive.

Ileana7 · 15/10/2014 06:50

I guess i am gonna be blasted for my advice. But even my DD (4.5 yo) was a very fussy eater one year back, so thought to share this with OP.
I used to give her sandwiches, vegetables and chicken nuggets for the breakfast and shewould eat.just any one of the things and leave the rest.. So I said " if u dont eat, it will get carried on.to your next meal".
She loves Chicken Biryani( rice preparation) which I make frequently for lunch but she doesnt get to eat it if she didnt complete her breakfast fully.
So while me and DH enjoy her favourite dish, she didnt get any and had to eat her morning breakfast leftovers. This went on for a month.
Now my DD eats her complete food dished out on her plate and is no more a fussy eater. :)

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 15/10/2014 07:24

My ds1 really struggles with food due to his disabilities. He often will refuse things like cooked carrots, but will eat raw carrots. So when we have a roast dinner, I'm happy to have some raw carrots available for him to eat instead. As long as he is eating the carrots, I'm not really fussed whether they are cooked or raw. (actually raw is much easier for me to prepare! Grin)

AlbaGuBrath · 15/10/2014 07:28

I might get flamed for this but if you're putting it all down at one it might be off putting to him. I wouldn't want all that on my plate at 26, I find it off putting. I would maybe try one or two triangles with them...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 07:29

Children of that age don't really eat a lot of food. If he was hungry he would let you know.

So I would just relax and go with it :)

AlbaGuBrath · 15/10/2014 07:30

Sorry them should have been the cucumber sticks. I wouldn't put the cocktail sausages down

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 07:30

Ileana..not blasting and glad it worked..but no kid of that age is going to be able to mamage sandwiches, chicken nuggets and vegetables at breakfast.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 07:31

Actually maybe a wee blast as that sounds rather cruel to me.

AlmaMartyr · 15/10/2014 07:48

Sounds like you're doing the right thing. My DD was like this, hardly ever ate anything for years. Not fussy as such, because she would eat most things, she just wasn't interested in food. I ignored it and trusted her to take what she needed- she always had plenty of energy. She's 6 now and a great eater, tries loads of foods, finishes most meals etc. I didn't even really notice it changing. She is naturally tiny so don't think she needs much. Oh, she's never been one for carbs either!

Ileana7 · 15/10/2014 08:42

Hi Fanjo..
Glad to.know your opinion.
But I didnt heap a lot of food on.her plate, i give her a lot of variety but very small amounts. Example.one sandwich, one carrot and three small chicken nuggets .

DD was a very fussy eater and used to.just bite one of the things and leave others.
Thats the reason, I had to adopt this method, as I am very firm that she cannot pick and choose her food. She needs to have a balanced meal.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 08:45

Would you like to eat that for breakfast?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2014 09:06

Anyway it's done now.

Goldmandra · 15/10/2014 09:10

She needs to have a balanced meal.

No, she needs an overall balanced diet. She doesn't need someone to micro-manage exactly what goes in her mouth at every meal. Children need to learn to respond to their own appetites. You are teaching her to ignore hers.

There is a great deal of scope for this strategy to go very badly wrong as she gets older and you lose the ability to control her food intake.

This is not a strategy that should ever be recommended to other parents.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 15/10/2014 09:31

Ds1 has big food issues and we have always been told it's about the overall diet, not what he eats at any particular meal. Stressing out over a particular meal or particular food will only create more anxiety about food (both in the parent and the child). Provide good options, allow for choice as much as possible, encourage healthy eating, and just watch the intake over the week to see that they are getting a balanced diet.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 15/10/2014 12:09

OP vitamins are fine if it makes you feel like you are doing something at least, as long as he's happy to take them. Just don't make a big fuss of oh you're not eating properly so you'll need these vitamins etc.

DD has never eaten a vegetable in her life, and she will only eat meat in the form of a sausage Sad this did cause some issues with constipation and large motions which have now resolved, we also gave her vitamins from the age of 2 onwards. She is anaemic but only slightly.

Some good advice on this thread.

Ileana7 · 15/10/2014 12:33

Well, I do control my DD's food , and I see no harm in it. Its for her own good that I want her to have a balanced meal, so I plan out and shr needs to follow which she does thankfully. She is 4 years old and will turn 5 in january, she will start her first grade next year and needs to have a proper controlled meal.

So I plan.her food this way:
Breakfast: One sandwhich and one vegetable.
Tiffin Box : Chicken nuggets, / cutlets
Lunch: Soup, salad, Roast chicken , Fruit juice and Garlic bread
Dinner : Oats and any Fruit
Every Sunday: Icecream treat

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 15/10/2014 12:54

Ileana This same "menu" every day?? Wow. Good luck with that when your dd gets a bit older. You will not be able to "control" what she eats once she reaches a certain age and is eating with friends or at school making food choices. The point in letting her make some choices now is that she then learns how to make good food choices. IMO you're setting yourself up for some issues later. But obviously your choice in the matter.

Goldmandra · 15/10/2014 13:19

Ileana, the level of control you are imposing on your DD's eating is rather concerning. If it really is as extreme as you describe I would consider it a safeguarding issue.

Your DD absolutely 100% does not need this at all.

You are fulfilling your own need for control by imposing this regime, not your DD's nutritional needs.

AWombWithoutAFoof · 15/10/2014 14:31

What's a tiffin box?