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Not ready for preschool?

12 replies

misselphaba · 13/10/2014 20:02

DD has just turned two and has just started preschool. We went in for a bit last week -she was happy to play and did move away from me towards the end so was reasonably optimistic. We went in today for a full session and although. she was happy to play at first, she didn't really get to the point where she moved away from me. I was planning to leave for 5 mins come back, then leave for longer etc but it didn't happen as after about an hour or so she became really quite disruptive. Refused to sit on the carpet, shouting, taking shoes and clothes off, messing up other children's activities etc. Basically refused to participate with the group at all. I cringe thinking about it. She's never disruptive in toddler groups, she sits down with the other children and generally follows instruction quite well (at groups that is -at home she can be a handful as two year olds are wont to be).

I don't know what to do for the next session. I dont think me staying there the full session is achieving much as she's not really interacting with the staff and becoming familiar with them whilst I'm there. But then I watch at her at home and she's like a baby duck -follows me from room to room and I just wonder whether she's ready for this or not.

I'm not sure whether to persist and leave her for a bit next session or forget preschool altogether. I've always said I'd never leave her crying for me but I cant imagine there won't be tears. She wouldn't even leave me to go out to the shops with her Dad yesterday. We aren't together and so that experience of someone leaving and not being around so much may well factor into how clingy she is. I want to reassure her and make her feel secure enough that she feels happy to go off and play on her own at preschool without me, not break her into doing it.

Any tips or ideas on how to approach this?

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hollie84 · 13/10/2014 20:03

Why do you need her to go to childcare - will you be working?

ilovepowerhoop · 13/10/2014 20:05

does she have to go?

ToddleWaddle · 13/10/2014 20:09

What do the staff suggest? They normally have some settling in procedures.
Agree though if she's not ready she's not ready and no point in putting you both through the trauma.

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misselphaba · 13/10/2014 20:15

No she doesn't have to go. I'm not working atm but will be going back when she's three and she will be in full time childcare then. The thinking was that going for two mornings a week now would be good preparation for next year when she will be in childcare every day. Next year, I won't be able to do much settling in with her whereas this year I can because I'm not working. I also thought it might be good for us to spend some time apart as she never really gets the opportunity to spend time away from me. Other children go out with the other parent or perhaps grandparents but that hasn't been possible so far. To be honest, I'm finding things tough atm and thought it might do me some good aswell!

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misselphaba · 13/10/2014 21:09

The staff say she'll be fine and they are happy with taking time to settle in if necessary. I don't think they expected for me to be there all morning today though!

Is this traumatic or a normal process? I honestly don't know. Six months ago when I registered her for a place, she probably would've been fine hence why I got the ball rolling. It might be an awkward age to start now.

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RoseTheHat · 14/10/2014 09:41

My dd wouldn't have been ready at 2 - it was the height of her clingy stage. I had to leave her with my DM while i worked and she used to scream her head off Sad (although was fine while she was there). However she skipped off to pre-school at 3 without a backwards glance.

Rocadaboyce · 14/10/2014 09:51

My daughter started preschool at 2 1/2 for a couple of mornings. She wouldn't let me out of her sight and clearly didn't want to be there. The pre school liked the kids to settle in slowly but it got ridiculous. DD wasn't getting anything from the experience and it was a waste of time for me. I took her out then started her again at just turned 3. Completely different experience. She loves it and didn't look back from the moment she went in. Obviously all kids are different but go with your instinct. If that is to persevere then go with it, if it is to take a break from it then go with that. I felt such relief when I made the decision.

misselphaba · 14/10/2014 21:26

Thanks everyone for the replies. The consensus seems to be to try again when she's a bit older. I'm inclined to agree. I'll see how tomorrow goes then have a chat with the manager. By some miracle she might be happy to go off with her keyworker.

Thanks again.

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Misty9 · 15/10/2014 04:22

Ds started nursery at just turned two and it was definitely harder with him being older and more aware. He went two mornings a week to start and it took a good couple of months before he stopped crying at drop off. The staff were keen for parting to be quick as drawing it out can make it worse.

If you and she are uncomfortable with it I would say retry in a few months as you've got the luxury of time. But, if as you've said you need a break, ds now loves nursery and isn't any worse the wear for us persevering. And my sanity is just about intact! until dd came along
It's as important to recognise what you need too :)

Rocadaboyce · 15/10/2014 11:07

How did it go misselphaba? Better I hope.

misselphaba · 15/10/2014 14:30

It did go better today and I was able to keep my distance a lot more while she played and on occasion even spoke to the staff.

She started acting up again when free play ended and she was expected to follow instructions and do the same as the other children. She doesn't act that way in groups, she joins in very well usually but the standard of behaviour expected in preschool is probably higher than she's used to in toddler group settings. And she's only two ffs, she'll get it in time.

This morning whilst queuing up to get into the preschool with the other parents and children, I realised it would probably be a lot easier to just drop off and leave when the other parents too. I didn't try it today but then when I got home I got a helpful PM offering the same suggestion. So next week, I'm going to try that.

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misselphaba · 20/10/2014 19:31

Update - I left DD today for most of the session today and it went well. There were tears for a few minutes and I'm not too pleased with how I left but ultimately she seemed to really enjoy it and was very smiley at pick up. She lined up her toys in bed tonight and was pretending to be the teacher -telling them off for not sitting on the carpet.

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