When and how will I do this? :(

[MyCrazyLife]

DS is 6 (just). His bio father has never been interested, wanted me to have an abortion, avoided paying maintenance for years etc. He does pay now, and occasionally we text, but it's always about money and he never asks about DS.

DS has, however, seen his paternal grandparents, auntie, auntie's boyfriend etc pretty much every week since birth.

I met DP when DS was 1, and got pregnant with our DD very quickly. DS has my surname, bio father is not on the birth certificate and he thinks DP is his dad.

It breaks my heart to know that we will have to tell him at some point that DP is not his dad. When and how would be the best way to do this? And what if he wants to see his bio father? Bio father would probably agree - though is very unreliable - and I know it's very selfish but I would hate seeing our family split up like that.

Does anyone have any advice?

I don't have any experience here, but I would say to avoid saying that "DP is not his Dad"... IMO being a dad is nothing to do with providing the sperm, and everything to do with being there day in day out for a child, wiping their tears, giving hugs, setting boundaries, showing love and affection, picking them up when they fall etc. Your DP is definitely his Dad and regardless of biology that will always be very clear to your son, children see these things, even if he is curious to meet his biological father.

Anyway, hopefully someone with experience will come along to give proper practical advice on good ages to do this and suggesting books etc that could help.

Good luck x

Ahh thank you Snowman - that's made me feel reassured. DP would never stop DS seeing the sperm donor but I know he'd be gutted. DS, until now, has been extremely hard work yet DP (who is younger than the SD) has been there through nightmares, potty training, homework, meltdowns, tantrums, bed wetting, refusing to get in the pram, injuries, illnesses, the works!! He gets on well with the paternal side too. DS absolutely adores him.

My dd's bio dad has had little to do with her, left before she was born and saw her rarely. My dh has been a great dad to her. And known her since she was a toddler. She has always known dh isn't her bio dad but I used to say that she had a daddy who made her and a daddy who lived with her and brought her up. She is 23 now doesn't see bio dad at all and considers my dh her dad. I do think it is important to tell the truth but in terms that they understand

I agree with pp about just making it something known from early so there's not a big revelation at a later stage.

It is common for bio dad to be known as father and step dad to be known as daddy when Step dad around.