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Parenting

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Original poster

Newborn and anxiety

18 replies

polkadotdelight · 07/10/2014 19:24

DS was born 10 days ago after a not so nice birth (induction, epidural, ventouse, episiotomy and pp haemorrhage). I tried really hard to breastfeed but gave up at 5 days and the guilt was immense. Ive had the teary baby blues but now I feel so anxious. DS cries a lot in the night, usually 10pm-1am and its so hard. I am so frightened of doing sometging wrong eg not recognising if he is too hot and I feel so sick. I just need to know Im not alone.

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PetaPipa · 07/10/2014 19:29

You're not alone! It's really hard, especially when you're not getting much sleep. Don't beat yourself up over not breastfeeding, it's really not the biggest deal, although I get that it must be disappointing if you wanted to. As you are ff, do you get help with the night feeds? Sleep is so important for emotional well-being. Also, just take heart from all the people who will come on here and say 'I felt like that and it gets better'!

violator · 07/10/2014 19:32

You're not alone!
First off, post natal hormones are evil. They're responsible for heightened anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite, lots of horrible things.
Lack of sleep is brutal too.

If you're using formula now, take a night off. Earplugs, spare room. Sleep!!

mermaid101 · 07/10/2014 19:32

You're not alone. Congratulations on your new baby. I was exactly the same as you. Didn't manage to breast feed really and felt terrible. Until I saw my GP and he was really, really supportive about formula feeding.
I get what you mean about the anxiety. I felt I was on a permanent state of "high alert". It was awful. I remember lying in bed, jaw clenched, literally sweating with nerves.
It passes. You'll be fine. Honestly.

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lornathewizzard · 07/10/2014 19:48

You will be fine and I'm sure you are doing a good job. I was teary for the first 2-3 weeks and I didn't have a complicated labour or anything. Everything feels so new, its a constant learning curve, but things wil get better. Congratulations!

lornathewizzard · 07/10/2014 19:53

Also, please don't feel bad about not breastfeeding. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Your Ds will grow and develop with the nourishment and care you are giving him.

Original poster

polkadotdelight · 07/10/2014 20:05

Thank you so much. Everything you describe is how I feel. DH is fantastic but struggling with sleep deprivation too. I dread nighttimes.

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mermaid101 · 07/10/2014 20:37

I think what really helped me, was for my DH to be specific about when he was able to help. So for example him saying I could get a rest "at the weekend"'when he was off work wasn't much good. It was better if he could say that from 7 pm on Friday until 2 pm on Saturday ( or whatever) he would look after the baby. That meant I could switch off a bit. At first I didn't want him to take the baby far away, so he mainly looked after him in the house and took him for short walks. It did help me to relax a bit.

Do you have any other help from family or friends?

butterfly86 · 07/10/2014 20:59

It's normal op but it didn't feel like it when I was going through it so know how you feel I had also had 4 miscarriages before dd so had a very stressful pregnancy I thought I'd be ok once she was born but the anxiety was overwhelming I was constantly worrying something was going to happen and like you worried about her being to hot or cold I was always taking her temperature! It does get once the hormones settle down and sleep deprivation makes things 10 times worse hang in there you aren't alone x

NickyEds · 07/10/2014 21:19

Totally normal op. Rubbish but normal. I think we were 15 days in before I went a whole day without crying. It was just the huge weight of responsibility, the stress, the hormones, the worry... everything really. It will get better. Mermaid's suggestion is a really good one. Getting someone else to take care of your baby for a pre arranged time could be really helpful-it still is to me now and DS is 9 months.
You will know if he's too hot or ill-10pm to 1 crying sounds like colic???
You're not alone. The first 3 weeks with Ds were the hardest of my life.
This too shall pass.

JuniorMumber · 07/10/2014 21:24

You are a million times not alone. I wish I could reach out and give you a squeeze. You are me ten weeks ago. I also had quite a traumatic labour and suffered extreme anxiety after I brought the baby home.

I didn't realise at the time it was baby blues. No one ever mentions anxiety in relation to baby blues.

I couldn't face taking her out of the flat for a week and a half because I thought something or someone would kill or abduct her. Eventually my husband coaxed me out with her and we got stuck in a lift. Needless to say I had a complete meltdown. I look back on it now and feel so sorry for myself, it was a really dark and scary time.

Please know it will pass. Just get through the next few days. The anxiety will lift I promise. It's purely hormonal, you will balance out and be able to enjoy your little baby very soon.

Original poster

polkadotdelight · 07/10/2014 21:25

Its so helpful just to re-read these replies. My mum is great at doing washing for us but otherwise is at work herself. DH has to go back to work on Monday and as much as we joke about his Mum (over enthusiastic) I am now planning on getting her over to help.

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munchkin2902 · 07/10/2014 21:27

I'll probably be posting this exact status in 8 or 9 weeks and then you can come on and tell me how much better it gets

NickyEds · 07/10/2014 21:38

Yes, get MiL over. Let her help.
You may also find it easier in a way when your DH goes back to work. I was dreading my OH returning to work so much that the worry was just adding to my anxiety and in the end it wasn't as bad as I thought. When I had to be alone with my baby I just found my own way.

freelancegirl · 07/10/2014 21:45

I remember feeling this too. I used to look at people with slightly older babies and feel envious that they were hopefully more used to it than me. I remember being in a shopping centre trying to feed in the mothercare feeding area and really struggling. There was a lady there with a baby 2 weeks older and we both welled up in tears with the anxiety of it all when we began to talk. I had a three week old and remember feeling envious that she had a 5 week old and might feel more comfortable! I began to feel much less anxious after about 6 weeks. TBH though, it's been difficult to get out of my system, I think becoming a parent blesses you with a certain amount of worry anyway and I am not sure if that will ever go! You do settle into a new normality soon though and you will feel like yourself again soon, just a slightly new version of yourself. The good bits are make it so worth it (ds is now 2.3 and I have another one on the way!).

UntamedByName · 08/10/2014 10:01

Aww, you're not alone! I felt exactly like that when I came home with my baby. Kind of hyper-alert and panicky. Evenings were the worst, and his crying really set me on edge. So sorry to hear the birth wasn't great. It's really hard when you just need to regroup, rest and lick your wounds, and you can't as you have a newborn!

It will get better, I promise. For some, the improvement is very quick, and for others it takes longer. But it will get better. The things that helped me most were adult company and sleep. So if your MIL is able to come over and help, do take her up on it! Also, TV/internet/reading - whatever helps you take your mind off the here-and-now and the worrying, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Don't worry about the formula! I breastfeed (and we had such a shitty time at the start that I almost wish we'd just ditched it and saved ourselves the stress) and I'd be the first to say that in a healthy full-term baby it'll make very little difference. And the great thing about bottle-feeding is that you can see exactly how much they're drinking, and that other people can help with the feeding, both of which are massive advantages.

BedPig2013 · 08/10/2014 11:52

I remember feeling very anxious when dd was newborn and it lasted for a few weeks really, I always worried that she was too hot or cold or that she'd be sick in her sleep (she was and it was fine!) and I also just wished that she would sleep! Having a new baby is overwhelming in itself, never mind the fact that your body is still recovering too but it will get better and your confidence will come
Hope you can get some rest and congratulations!

Gen35 · 10/10/2014 04:48

I had a pph and I was massively anxious for the first 3 weeks - scared to even pick dd up - it definitely turned a corner post 3 wks and got better continually after that. It will pass, you don't know beforehand about how anxious the blood loss and hormone surges make you feel, I'ce experienced nothing as bad since

rootypig · 10/10/2014 05:32

Ah OP. Another one here who was totally anxious, and that was with a straightforward birth. I used to wake up in the night gasping for air, convinced that DD had stopped breathing. (She is two next month and in fine spirits and voice )

One recommendation - if you haven't already, get a room thermometer. I found it reassuring to be able to see that the room was the correct temperature (about 18C). I got this one and it had been extremely reliable and accurate (not all of them are).

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