feel like my baby doesn't like me - she cries more when I pick her up

[StarMeKitten]

DD2 is 16 weeks and a nightmare atm. Just when I thought we were getting close to her sleeping through she now wakes every hour through the night, she won't go down for naps in her cot, now needs to be rocked to sleep when before she was self setting with her dummy. If she cries in her cot and I try and pick her up to settle her she cries MORE. I'm feeling very rejected at the moment & its really affecting our bond. It doesn't help I'm just exhausted that I'm up most of the night and then have a 3yo to look after too.

Could it be that you're tense when you pick her up and she's picking up on that?

I suspect that was my big issue with DD when she was about that age. I would get immediately frustrated and she would clearly sense this and get angry herself. It took me such a long time to soothe her because of this. Everyone else who was calmer settled her within minutes which compounded it!

I hope it gets better for you. I know how difficult that stage is...

Hmmm. Mine is older but has always seemed to get in more of a tizz when I try to help her back to sleep. My vague theory is that she is already sleepily cross about being awake, and picking her up makes her even more conscious of being awake, and therefore even more cross.

This theory doesn't actually help solve the how-to-resettle issue, of course. But it won't be 'you' making it worse - you're offering her comfort and help to sleep, even if she's too little and tired and cross to realise that it's what she needs.

Poor you, it sounds really rough. Have you read about the 4 month sleep regression? The Wonderweeks website has lots of good info.

Someone will come along in a minute and ask about PND, so it may as well be me. :) Is it something you have considered? I ask this out of the best of intentions, as it had never crossed my mind I might be suffering, and exhaustion masks a lot of the feelings.

I mean the WW app or book, rather than the website.
Wonder Weeks

Thanks all for your comments. I'm feeling a bit better today as she slept better last night.

A lot of the 4 month sleep regression in WW rings true so maybe it's that. It's says something about the ways that you used to get your baby to sleep may not work anymore so it's like starting again. She also doesnt seem to like shush/pat anymore either so I think she may want to try and get herself to sleep.

With regard to PND, its something I've thought about but I seem fine when she's had a good nights sleep. Think I just don't manage very well on little sleep (& DD1 seemed to sleep better at this age, unless I have forgotten!). I will keep it in mind though.

Hoping its just a phase & will pass in the next few weeks...

I have a 15 week old who is starting to be all over the place with sleep. He's my 3rd and I'm dreading the next few weeks! I completely empathise.

What I'm doing:

• bed sharing with him so I don't have to move him more than necessary which helps him settle a bit better (we did this at the start, moved back to bed/cot but he started getting grumpy being transferred back to cot and it was hellish. I get way more sleep like this as he does too. I'm in spare room with him, DH deals with any night issues with the other 2 which I can't hear and we all get more sleep. I'll worry about the cot again later!)

• daytime naps. TBH we've never really sorted this apart from a blissful week 7 to 8! I'm just trying not to stress (although i was driving up and down the motorway at 9am for 20 mins in vain this morning!) and if in doubt get him in the buggy and the fresh air usually does the trick.

• google and then do the magic baby hold (aka colic hold i think). This is some kind of genius thing with him that I wish I'd know for the others. It puts pressure on his belly which I think he likes, is facing away from me so not burying his head into my hair or trying to latch on to my nose so he is desensitized and can relax more and I think it transmits less of my stress to him too. He will often fall asleep in this position. It is surprisingly easy to carry him one-handed to so I can fetch a drink, stir dinner etc too. Good for day or night.

• power naps. I feel better after a restorative 20-30 min nap than a long sleep, something to do with deep versus light sleep. So I set my alarm for about 35 mins after I lie down, giving me time to get to sleep wuthout getting into deep sleep. I am so much more ready to go after that and can manage the older 2, whereas a 1-2 hour nap just makes me feel horrendous for at least as long afterwards.

Is there anybody who can take your kids for an hour or two for you to just relax or get on top of something at home that will make you feel better?

Good luck! You will get through it, it's just a phase, they leave home at 18 and then you can sleep etc. :)

Thanks evertonmint. Very helpful - definitely trying the magic baby hold, and totally agree on naps. I had a 40minute one last night and felt great afterwards!

In fairness, DH has been really good. As I'd had a stressful day yesterday he bathed and put DD2 to bed and I just dealt with the much easier atm DD1, then I had a little nap, read some of the comments on here, and felt much better...

Its a phase.. it will pass!!

I know a lot of books etc state that babies sleep through that night by a certain age, so please bin the book. Some babies sleep through at 3 months, some at 6 months, some at 1, others at 18 months. There is nothing wrong with the baby or with the parents. I have 3 DCs and my first one slept through the night for the first time at 18 months, second at 3 months, third at 6 months.

Couldn't agree more with rocket about books in general, they are so good at making parents feel bad about themselves!

However, just to clarify, the WW book isn't so much an instructional manual as the culmination of a huge amount of research done with babies to create a kind of "average timeline" and your baby will fit somewhere on it... 16 weeks isn't "4 months" but the sleep regression thing is crazily accurate for most babies I have met (and I have met a lot of babies!). It certainly isn't about making babies sleep through the night... they do that when they are ready! (or not )

OP, how are you getting on? Lack of sleep is certainly torture!

Thank you both. It not so much the books I fixate on but the fact I compare DD1 & DD2 all the time. I have done things pretty much the same with both & DD1 was a much better sleeper. I think I expected DD2 to start sleeping through at 12wks like her sister did, but I'm learning the hard way that all babies are different.

She seems a bit better the last few nights. Shes been sleeping for most of the night but just up and down from around 4am which I can cope with in the short term. Hoping this is the 4 month sleep regression come early & that it will pass soon!