New DD2 so different from DD1 - not enjoying her - anyone else experienced similar?

[williaminajetfighter]

DD2 is 10 months old and much wanted baby. However I have found her a complete struggle because she is the opposite of my first DD who was a chilled, relaxed, smiley and cuddly baby. DD2 is grumpy and makes a very gripey sound most the time, she is needy and cries whenever I'm not near, she is into everything and very mischevious so I have to watch her all the time and most of my communication to her/with her is 'no... no... no!!!'. She is not a great sleeper so I'm up a lot at night and I find that tiring. She is also not a particularly cuddly baby so at the end of the day there are not lots of smiles and cuddles to 'make it all worthwhile'.

She is so much work and the crying, grumping, tugging at me and crying again throughout the day gets me down. Yesterday I actually felt a sinking feeling when I had to pick her up at daycare (which she just started in) which is dreadful. If asked I would probably say I just don't love this baby as much as my first. Some days I don't even like her.

I've told no one in real life since it's a pretty damning thing to say which is why I'm asking on MN. Has anyone else felt the same? Is it just a phase? I'm hoping to wake up one day and feel the love but right now most days I'm just feeling frustrated. Grateful to hear of any similar experiences you might have had.

I only have one now nearly 5 but my DS was very similar at that age to how your DD2 sounds.

He was a very whingy and grumpy baby from about 7 months old but also very clingy and needy. I went back to work when he was 8 months old and tbh for the next 3 yrs it was my saviour because he was a huge tantrum thrower from 13 months to 3.5 yrs and sometimes it was very difficult to like him as much as I have always loved him with all my heart.

I found it very hard because very few people admit to finding their child very hard work and not enjoying being with him but after 5+ hrs of tantrums some days I really didn't like being with him. He also didn't sleep through until 3 which also didn't help.

He's nearly 5 now and although he is still pretty stroppy and temperamental, he is a lot of fun and we have lovely times together. I've learnt to accept his personality for what it is. I'm guessing that could be difficult if your DD2 is just very different and takes more work to warm too than your DD1.

I worried about this happening when my second daughter was born.
She is a very different child from her sister. She is much more hard work in many ways. Luckily she is very funny with it and extremely affectionate so she is easy to forgive her tantrums and naughtiness and we adore her.
I suspect it much more common than people might think.
How to change it is a difficult one. She will change as she grows obviously. The only advice I can think of is to try and stop comparing them. Look for the positives about her personality. The love will come. Until then keep trying. Never let her know you are struggling. I would suggest you try and find someone to talk to in real life.

Forgive me OP if I am saying anything obvious here. I have not had your experience as I was the mother of one and now am the grandmother of one. Not very broad experience

But have you tried not saying "no" so much. With my dgd we try to avoid using that word unless it is really important, otherwise we do our best to distract her. So far, so good, when something is important enough to say no about, she pays attention.

Try to pay attention to your baby when she is behaving well and try not to give more attention than absolutely necessary to misbehaviour.

As I said I may well be preaching to the converted, just posting this here in case it helps.

Thx for everyone's comments. Really helpful to see that I'm not alone although completely appreciate that I need to change the way I'm looking at this and appreciate all the things about DD2 such as her curiosity and energy! I was slightly worried my post would be reported because its a bit unusual for mums on MN to be very negative about their children, particularly babies! I guess it's just onwards and upwards from here....

You obviously want the best for your child, that is why you posted here. I think is a healthy start to recognise your negativity and then look for help.

DD was Hard Work as a baby and I can completely empathise with your feelings of just wanting to get away. It doesn't mean you don't love her, just that you find her wearing, especially with the lack of sleep.

luckily DD was my first child as I've often thought if I'd had an easier first one I might have struggled even more with DD. So I do see where you're coming from.

But... the baby stage doesn't last long. You are nearly through it. DD is a delightful toddler - still not exactly easy, but full of energy, very happy, very funny and chatty. I tell myself think that an easier baby would have turned into one of those placid toddlers, who are (to my mind) less fun in some ways. So - don't write her off, is what I'm saying. She may just find being a baby very boring/frustrating and be a much happier toddler.

Agree about saying no less... and try not to compare hard as it must be!

I'm similar to minipie. Dd1 was as you describe dd2, very hard work, clingy, needy and moody. After her, I swore she would be an only... Then dd2 happened.
She has turned out to be a chilled, smiley and easy baby. It is much easier with her. We are not doing anything different. They have just had these personalities from day one.
I could see how I would feel like you if my girls had been born in the other order; chilled first, needy second.
If it is any consolation dd1 is now 3.6, sleeping through and a thoughtful, funny and happy little girl. Totally different to the baby she was.

Oh this is my DCs but the other way around. First was grumpy, screamy, clingy... She's now a hilarious, clever but stroppy 2.4. My DS is 5 months and I never knew what it was like to have a nice baby :) he's relaxed, smiley, will let anyone cuddle him, totally different

I wouldn't change a thing, your DD will grow no doubt into a very fun little toddler :)