"Children......they don't come with a guide book, you know!" Well why the hell hasn't somebody written one??!!

[bramblina]

Because I need it, now! I am (trying to ) read Steve Biddulph's "Complete sectrets of happy children" just now but it's taking ages.....I feel I need some guidelines, advice, help, tips, suggestions, steering......I have 3 dcs, 9, 6 and 2, dh works away lots and we're self employed.....it's tough and I feel like a lot of the time I'm too busy for them, this was never my plan, I would be the wondermum! I would do anything and everything but now just the basic day-to-day chores take up a lot of my time and I'm struggling with routine/structure, eldest is getting more independant yet cheecky with it, babe is becoming very demanding and as a consequence the middle one is (I hate to say it, really hate it) fast becoming a "middle-child" and when her techer called me last week to say she's having to actively focus on positive behaviour I think I realised that I am failing a little at this and I'm not sure what to do.

Help?

They have written millions of guide books. I'm always baffled by this statement. The only trouble is all the guide books disagree with each other!

I only have 2 DC but even then I sometimes think there's just a stage of parenthood when there just aren't enough hours in the day, everything is behind, half-finished or a mess, you're constantly knackered and no book will help. You just have to muddle through.

But I would say the 9 and 6 yos are old enough to start helping with a few chores, for a reward (eg pocket money or treat). That will help you, and give them self-esteem and a sense of importance in the family.

Bin the books, and focus on your situation and your family.

Keeping the household running does take ages, can you do anything to make it easier? How can you spend more quality time with your children? What's wrong with your routine? Can you sit down and try to objectively problem-solve a bit? It IS bloody difficult, and I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job, I just know that it's easy to feel like you're not.

Well I always wish you could have a practice dc or two to experiment on, before moving on to the real thing!

Personally I do find books helpful, along with online advice. I often feel bad about my parenting. I wish I could be wondermum too! One thing I am trying to do is not set my standards unreachably high, but to set small doable goals. Also try not to compare yourself with others and what you imagine they are doing, just do what you can manage and give yourself some positive self talk for all you have done right.

Thank you, all.