Feel like i can't cope with two

[BabyHaribo]

Dd is 10 weeks. DS is 2.7.

I am finding the newborn/toddler combination impossible

They both want my attention all the time. DD doesn't sleep well and needs to be rocked to sleep (don't mind this at all it's just not that practical with DS)

With DS I put in so much work to have a bedtime routine but I just can't make it work for dd. As she's not in any routine yet when DS wants to have bath/bed etc sometimes she's already asleep sometimes feeding etc. she also tends to get very overtired as I can't get her to sleep as I'm dealing with DS. She's still unsettled/colicky all evening and I wonder if a proper bedtime routine would help her settle.

Feel as though I'm failing them both please tell me it gets better

It gets better.

Do you have a sling? Baby may find it soothing to be worn while you're helping toddler? It's tough, I had 4 DCs in five years!

It does, I promise. It even becomes fun :)

Longer answer...
Can you rock dd to sleep in pushchair for naps during the day? I have a similar gap (a bit smaller - 23m difference) and this works well for us. Means I don't have to leave the toddler unoccupied for too long - I just push pushchair back and forth in hall.

I also doubt a bedtime routine would make much difference at 10 weeks - you've just got to ride it out.

Fwiw I did everything "right" with dd regarding sleeping (including sleep training) and she's still a terrible sleeper. DS we just did whatever was easiest (fed to sleep/took him to bed when we went up/naps in pushchair) and now at 9 months he sleeps 7-6 when not teething and self settles. Dd still up in the night at 2.5.

I remember it well! And my advice for this stage is LSD. Let your Standards Drop. It's really ok if your dc1 watches more telly than usual for a few months, or eats more beans and toast and fish fingers than proper food. As long as nobody is dead at the end of the day you are a success!

Wear DC2 in a proper snuggly cloth sling. Baby will be happy because you are right there, toddler will be happy because you will be right there.

Finally a great tip I got somewhere was when you are feeding dc2, make it a snuggly book time for dc1 too so you are all on the sofa at the same time and you are apparently giving dc2 lots of attention while still giving dc1 a feed.

• Put baby in sling.

• feed baby whilst reading eldest bedtime story. Then take baby back to living with you and try and pop in Moses basket/ similar.

• wake baby before you go bed, feed baby, then take to main cot when you go to bed ( should give you a few hours sleep before waking again)

• try and put both Children down for a nap at same time in afternoon

( ds's have 15 months between them)

Agree, 10 weeks is very tiny to be having a bedtime routine.

Feed baby while reading toddler bedtime story. Pop baby in moses basket or sling while brushing toddler teeth and having bedtime cuddles. Once toddler in bed take baby downstairs with you and ideally get dp/dh to hold baby while you eat dinner and watch a bit of TV! Take baby to bed when you go to bed.

in my experience babies start having a successful bedtime around 7pm when they are more like 6mo.

It gets better. But in my view you can't start a bedtime routine for your baby too early.
Just getting your baby into the habit of at least having a nap at 7pm or whenever you put your toddler down will help. Just do it every night and it'll start to work. I had mine both in bed at 7pm by the time the younger one was about 7 weeks. I have 18 months between mine and my DH was about to go away for six weeks so it was crucial I had my evenings!

Like cremeeggs I've done a bedtime routine with both of my two because I regularly have to do bedtime on my own. My ten week old has a bath whilst the three year old watches TV with a snack. I feed my baby to sleep. Then do my three year old's bath and bedtime. Not ideal with my three year old watching half an hour of TV but it's the only way I can work out how to do it. It's helped my baby to sleep through the evenings so I can clean and eat etc

IMO - bedtime routines or any routine at all actually tend to be more comforting for the parent rather than a very young baby who is really not going to have a clue at 10 weeks. So only worry about a routine if it is important for YOU rather than your baby. I had a slightly smaller age gap than yours. Mine are now 7 and 5 and I can hear them giggling together in DD's bedroom, it really does get easier!

Tbh I think trying to get a 10 wk old into a routine esp if colicky is a stress you don't need . Any routine at 10 wks is ropey . Just keep battling through it's still very early days. Try not to beat yourself up. Colic will not go away because of a better sleep routine x

I could've written your post a few months ago! In fact I did, there's several from me asking people when it all gets better with 2, and panicking because I was hating it. Now DD has just turned 3 & DS is 6 months old & it is so so much easier. Just hang on in there, take it all on a day-to-day basis & suddenly you'll find it manageable and yes even enjoyable!

You are not alone op, and we have almost exactly the same age gap. Ds just turned three and dd is nearly six months. I regularly have days where I just want to run away! It's just so relentless and no time to recharge I find. The unsettled evenings should improve with age though - dd often goes down at 7ish for the last few weeks so it's at least a relief to have some of my evening back. And we never really implemented a routine so that isn't necessarily the answer.

Ds luckily is used to a bit of benign neglect and plays solo quite a lot; I'm just finding the baby part so demanding and intense. As for our marriage, for now there's nothing left of me to give. But hopefully that's a temporary state of affairs in the grand scheme of things.

All we can do is our best. And keep going like we have a choice
But there are lovely moments now when ds makes dd giggle hysterically and she's getting more interested in toys and interaction. You're at the hard point I think - far enough away from the birth that the novelty has worn off, but weeks away from the baby getting more interesting and less demanding, if you see what I mean.

We can do it!

Bath and PJ's at same time (same bath). Story for toddler whilst feeding baby. Toddler to bed, baby to Moses basket/tended to as required.
Mine were 2.5 months apart and that was our routine, although toddler went off easily to bed and to sleep.
You'll be laughing in 2 or 3 years. Mine are now 11 and 9 and so glad we have the age gap we do.