I am not superwoman and I cannot do it all ...And that is ok!

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I am starting this thread as an attempt to allow myself to be human. I hope that others will find it a source of mutual support.

I'll start.

I have 3 dc's aged 5, 2.5 and 9 months. The last year has been very difficult. In hospital for two months before dc3's birth. Horrendous birth, long recovery. When I came out of hospital I had time to physically recover, but not mentally because my older children had missed me so much and after DH went back to work I had 3 young children to look after.

I am constantly fire-fighting. Nothing ever gets done past the basic cleaning, washing of clothes etc, the flat is a tip. My kids are clean, fed, watered, go to school/playgroups/activities most days. If I tidy something it gets messed up within minutes. There is no time. As a result I feel like I can never do enough. None of my kids gets enough of my attention.

The order of needs in this household goes:

DC's
pets
DH

everything else

me

Everyone wants something from me or needs my help to do something. I get very little recognition for the things I do.

Yesterday I broke down on DH after visiting the GP and finally admitting that I am struggling. I am having flashbacks and probably suffering from PTSD/PND over the birth of dc3 and on a waiting list for CBT.

The first time I have told anyone because of the guilt and shame I feel about not being able to hold it all together and do it all.

There is I feel such a pressure for parents to manage everything, SAHP, WOHP's. The reality is sometimes it is too much and it is ok to say I can't do it all or I am not coping.

Can you get help? Contact local college for a nursery nursery student placement, I had one two days per week for 4 months. Cleaner? Au pair? Local teen for 2 hours per day?

My solution is to go back to work pt in three weeks and DH will have the kids. Hopefully that will help him be more understanding and allow me to have some time without a child hanging off my boob or following me to the toilet.

bump

Your last year sounds really tough. I get that you must be exhausted. We have three kids. As well, they. Are a bit older and it gets better!

Just a quick. One - kids just came back: could you get rid of the pets? Sorry if that's not productive?

Sounds like you already have a plan op hope it helps. Getting rid of pets good idea and not having more kids!

The pets are not a problem really, only three guinea pigs, it is just that pets are like children therefore they cannot be ignored so they come above me on the hierarchy of needs. DH cleans them out and I cut the veg for the kids to feed them. The real problem is the sheer relentless nature of running a household and parenting 3 kids 5 and under. That will not change until they are older, sleep more and I am not the main carer. Tis the nature of being a SAHP, your day is never done.

Very true stitch. I'm a SAHM to a 26 month old & 15 month old and it never ends. I also have two dogs. In the meantime of waiting for CBT would meds help? I had a rough patch earlier this year and went on them for a while. It helped enormously and may help you deal with your birth experience too; the crutch you need to help you deal with the past year's experiences and ongoing craziness of having three under five.

When I left work to become a mum, my boss said he thought I'd put on weight as a SAHM as we stay at home stuffing our faces and watching tv.....honestly that cracks me up. Ive never been overweight (hence his comment) and have lost an extra half a stone just through running around with my two, going to groups....I walk around 16 miles a week with the pram not to include all the racing around at home doing jobs.

Like you, I'm always on the go and often overwhelmed.

Do give some thought to meds if you think it will help...I was adamant not to go on them but I don't know why I was being stubborn, they've been wonderful and I've been lots calmer.

Thing is meds take 3 weeks to work, by which time I will be starting work anyway. Once I am no longer responsible for it all and am out around adults again a lot of the hemmed in feelings will diminish.

More kids is not an option anyway heels, I had an emergency hysterectomy at dc3's birth.

There's a book called "how to be happy without being perfect" which is fab.

Xx

I too felt like this, although without the flashbacks this time round. It really sucks. :( I went back to work part time too, which helped, but I also took some advice from a friend and fellow MNer (I think she's still going by OrdinaryGirl) for "relentless self care". Early nights if I'm tired (bollocks to the mess, it'll be there in the morning, just enough counter space to make a cuppa, and a clean highchair and I'm done!) multivits & probiotics everyday, time out to sort my hair and nails, and a massage once a month.

It seems a bit extravagant when written down, I really had to force myself into it to start with as it seems such a waste when I have so much to do, but it really bloody works! I am much calmer, happier, more patient so a better parent, and less snappy with DH. I've also been able to lower my expectations of what I need to get done without feeling like I've failed, and have a calmer discussion with DH about splitting jobs. I'm starting to feel like I actually CAN do it all, I just have a reduced definition of what "all" is, and I'm not as bothered if I don't hit the target.

I think you need to have a bit of time, every day if possible, when your DH is solely responsible for the DCs. Just half an hour or so where, unless there's broken bones or blood spilt, you aren't interupted. Have a bath, a hot, hot cup of tea and book, or go for a walk, whatever you fancy. And move yourself up your priority list two spaces! Everything else is always on the bottom. If your DH puts you above himself on his priorities, by all means return the favour, if not, don't.

I feel like this too I have a 9,3 and a 1 year olds and I'm 38 weeks pregnant with dc4. I will have three at home with me for a year. We also have two dogs and two cats. We have a big house which is a nightmare to clean and stay on top of. I totally get how you are feeling and I've not had the medical issues you have.
I don't really have an answer I'm afraid the little things I've done are

On line food shopping
On line kids clothes shopping
Cleaner (I know not an option for everyone but amazing help I cut back in other ares to have her once a weeks)
Take any help I'm offered! (And try and return the favour if I possible can)
Try and get out somewhere every morning even for an hour

It is relentless though I really envy dp leaving the house in a pristine suit some mornings as a wipe ready brek out of my hair and wonder how the hell I'm going to keep them amused today without Ds trying to cause himself serious injury!