Can't deal with my nearly 6yr old anymore...please I need some tips.

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I have a DS who is nearly 6 and also a DD who is 4.

I feel like I have come to the end of my tether with my DS and I really don't know how to parent him anymore. I never really did tbh.

From the time he wakes up in the morning he is moaning, whinging, annoying his sister, goading her, teasing her, kicking her, hurting her etc etc etc. I can't even go to the kitchen to make breakfast without him being nasty to her by some means. I ask her to come to the kitchen with me and he follows us and continues his behaviour there. At meal times, especially in the mornings, he is constantly on and off the chair, still saying things to annoy his sister, flinging cutlery around generally making is difficult for me to eat my own meal. DD also copies his behaviour sometimes. DH leaves for work very early, so is no help.
Even at weekends he needs to be constantly reigned in and told off by me and DH and I feel like we are really failing him as parents.

But sometimes he is well behaved and even plays with DD together with her. There are no problems at school and apparently he is well liked by the other kids and never been in any trouble.

Even with DH, his behaviour is better than it is when its with me. Even DH has said that when I walk in his behaviour goes down hill and becomes tantrummy. Seems like I am the one taking the brunt of his bad behaviour, or that I just don't deal with his behaviour properly. I am rubbish at parenting, I will readily admit that. I'm rubbish at giving him punishments and "naughty step" etc. What I do is that I try to distract him or take DD away from him and in the end when I can't take anymore I just explode and scream and shout at him, and this happens a lot. I can't parent like this anymore as I just feel constant guilt from the way I have dealt with him and it just makes homelife so stressful and LOUD.
I'm always praising him for good behaviour and he gets lots of cuddles and kisses and we spend some time reading books together everyday, so I think he does get enough time with me (I always wish I had more one to one time with him, but I also have DD).
How can I deal with his behaviour and also stop with the shouting and screaming on my part? WOuld be grateful for any tips and ideas. Thanks.

Oh sweetie you aren't failing him!! being a mum is hard work!

you say you try amd encourage your dd to follow you to separate them but have you thought about flipping it round and getting him to leave the room with you?

it sounds like there is a jealousy building which is perfectly normal. I no expert but I have worked with kids for nearly 20 years and ot would seem that whilst you are getting some 121 time he probably needs more or possibly 121 with his Dad. how involved is dh when he is around?

sending and hun

Thanks wheresthelight DH is very involved when he is at home. He gets in on time for dinner/bath/bedtime etc and he is around at weekends and he does spend a lot of time with him, especially taking him to BMXing every Sunday afternoon.
I have been trying to be more patient with him in the last couple of days and also trying to "understand" him when he is being naughty, as some of it can be attributed to tiredness and hunger, especially towards the end of the day I don't really discipline as such.
Yes I think there is a lot of jelousy involved as he is very much a mummy's boy and he does get very jealous if I do anything for DD. Everything has to be fair...understandably.
I've read somewhere recently that "children need a hug when they least deserve it" and I think this is very true of DS.

It does sound like he wants you all to himself which obviously he can't have. I would try to work on his relationship with his sister at the moment it sounds like she is the enemy in the battle for mummy maybe if you try to get him to help her with things like saying 'dd can't do xyz since your her big brother would you like to teach her while I do the dishes' and see if giving them something to do that he can lead helps. I always remember being very protective of my sister we were very close and I think it was largely my mums non stop efforts to keep us close.