Keeping everyone happy at Xmas?

[Juliecloud]

How do you keep everyone happy at Christmas? We have always spent our Christmas in our own house on our own but last year, we were really getting pressure from my MIL to spend it with them. We had a baby at the start of December last year (c-section) so I didn't want to drive for hours to their house and didn't want the stress of having people stay with us so we ignored the massive hints my MIL was dropping and stayed at home. We always go and visit them and my family for a few days after Xmas, although we didn't last year cos of the new baby/c-section. Both families saw the baby in early December.
This year, the hints have started already and I don't know what to do. I am suffering quite badly from PND this time round and my MIL does not help matters. She is very controlling and doesn't listen to me at all and I don't want our Christmas to be ruined by me being stressed cos she is around. She doesn't know that I have PND. My parents would also love to see us for Christmas Day but are taking a step back as they know I'm getting pressure already from MIL.

I feel like whatever we do, someone is going to be upset! How do you resolve these things?

When we had children, we said straight out that we would be having Christmases at home, just us, and making our own traditions and that we hoped we might see people later on in the holiday.

I am due a baby at chrsitmas and had a baby just before Christmas la ear. I am faced with this dilemma. Mil will understand, my own mother won't. They ne'er cities me, expect me to visit them. We are thinking of going to mine for half an hour Christmas morning and seeing inlaws at another time but having dinner Etc on our own.

Sorry for typos .. My parents never visit me and expect us to call in

We have my parents to us one year and go to my inlaws for the next year- it is on a rota! Both sets of parents live over 3 hrs drive away ( but near eachother) so the year we are at home with my mum, we still have to go and visit inlaws. Which ever year it is though we always make sure that we have some time over the holidays just as a family.

Good luck- it can be a minefield.

Now we have dd we please ourselves and stay at home. We refuse to let dad open her presents then be draged away. If family don't like it tough, dd comes first.

Both DP and I have divorced parents so it would mean 4 sets of parents to visit if we went visiting so we decided to stay home every. I have just told them straight we are staying in if they want to come see us for a couple of hours to let me know what time they will come/leave so I can plan around that.

The last 2 years with DS it has worked out MIL comes around 11 to 12 then we eat and see my mum later in the evening. FIL made a big song and dance about could we not do a year at each house but then we need to figure out who gets what year and if there are any illnesses or special circumstances how do we swap years etc. I've found the fairest way is just to stay home and tell them they can visit anytime as long as they give you notice to plan your day that way no one is getting more than anyone else.

I am lucky in that I get on well with my PIL and enjoy spending time with them (in moderation though!) I do feel Christmas is time for family, and that sometimes it's necessary to suck it up and brave it out for one day of the year! It's nice for Grandparents to see their Grandchildren on Xmas day. I know many will disagree with me though.

I think it's about balance & taking it in turns. Perhaps your family one year, PIL next & on your own the year after.

To me it's very simple, my family put input in to us and kids all year round so they get to come and stay for Christmas . Dp parents fit us in when they have nothing better to do so they get 1 day sometime before Xmas wk. I wouldn't want to spend Christmas Day just me dp and kids. It wouldn't feel like Xmas x

My dad works shifts, and both sets of parents live 3 hours away from us but 20 minutes from eachother. Alternating never works (we've tried) as never know what shift my dad is on! My parents are the type that Christmas is whatever day you have it on - so it doesn't always fall on 25th December! DD will be 6 months old this Christmas, so technically first Christmas but won't be aware of it. This year we are spending 25th December with in laws and having Christmas the week before with my parents.
Next year we hope to be living closer to parents. I am planning that December 25th will always be spent in our own house, just our family. Then parents can visit either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day (one set at a time). That way neither gets Christmas day. One year we suggested MIL has Christmas another day as she got upset we wouldn't be with them, all hell broke loose! We've also tried having everyone to us - it was just too stressful, I ended up hating the whole day and have bad memories of that.
Ultimately you'll never please everyone so please yourself.

We decided that we 'd be at home for Christmas, after having kids.

If you've got parents or inlaws who want you to spend Christmas with them, ask yourself or dh if that's what they did when they were in your position with small kids.

Probably they spent their Christmases at home.

I remember fondly big family get togethers for Xmas when I was a child. But then my parents divorced when I was at uni and Xmas was never quite the same again. We've got 4 sets to satisfy, with my parents both living a long journey away. Now we've bought our own house we've said definitely Xmas at home this year, but we'll probably have to do some years with my folks, alternately, and some at home. It's the step grandparents who cause problems on my side...very stressful.

It's complex here too.....what I'm doing is:

• I'm hosting Christmas Eve drinks for family and close friends
• Christmas morning exH comes for kids gift opening at mine.
• kids off to other grandparents for lunch and afternoon with exH
• me and my parents go out for christmas lunch somewhere nice.
• all family over to my parents for cheese, wine and board games on Christmas Day evening.
• Boxing Day buffet hosted by either my brother or sister.

No one is put upon and everyone involved.... However this has taken time to put together and we all get on well.

I feel you pain

*crap, just deleted a huge post!

The crux was: family fuined our first Christmas with newborn DS, big style. Recently separated parents, narc mother... all sorts of justgodawful crap.

So, just the 3 of us for Christmas day, family on other days. I live in a country where 6th January (when the 3 wise men arrive) is very important, and the shitting log (caga tio, Google is your friend!) So there are plenty of opportunities for celebrating, opening gifts, eating our faces off

I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet, but your DP should be handling his mother, especially as you have pnd. He should be telling her "no - and that is our last word on the matter, don't ask again".

it is difficult but stick to your guns

Thanks for your replies. It is interesting seeing what other people do. Dirtydancing, i do see that point of view, but it's note what I would do given the choice.

I have asked my MIL what they did for Christmas, they always spent it in their house and had her PIL come to them for the day. I don't think they stayed the night as they lived nearby. We don't live near them so if they came to us, they would have to stay at least Xmas eve and Xmas night.

When I grew up, we always had Xmas at home on our own and I loved it, which is why I like having it like that now with my family, and also why we don't get any pressure from my family to spend it with them (although they would love it).

It's a lot to think about. I might well go with the turn about suggestion but have one year on our own.

your family your choice hun!!

if you don't want your inlaws around then get your dh to politely explain to them that you will be continuing in your family tradition of a quiet Christmas at home however you will make sure that as per previous years you will see them over the break and that will be arranged nearer the time and then ignore ignore ignore!