So scared that I won't love my second baby as much.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I know that this is a normal fear, but I really need some reassurance.

When ds was born I didn't get a rush of love, I cared about him very much, but I mostly just felt knackered and went on autopilot, hoping that he wouldn't cry too much. I don't know exactly when, but at some point when he got a bit older, started doing a bit more, I fell completely in love. I began to be in awe of everything he did. 6 years on I adore my little boy, I love him more than anyone or anything else in the world. Even though he's a cheeky pain in the bum, I wouldn't swap him for the world.

But, I can't imagine feeling like this about anyone else, I know that for all the joys a baby brings, it's going to be hard at times, the baby is going to take some of my attention away from ds, what if I resent the baby? Ds and I can do as we please and we do.

It's been just me and ds for so long how am I going to feel towards my new arrival?

It is a completely normal fear.

Try to think of the candle analogy. You have a lit candle. You light another candle from it. Does the first candle burn less brightly? No. They both burn brightly. And you will love your DS and your baby.

I had the rush of love and recognition with my DC1. DC2 felt like a stranger and it was more of a slow burn. I remember staring at him and wondering who he was. We got on with life, mostly fitting around DC1's routine. DC2's personality emerged in time and my love for him blossomed and grew.

I love the bones of both of them, differently but just as much.

I did make sure in those early weeks to introduce a bottle so that DC1 and I could escape for the odd outing without DC2. Three years later, I try to give each of them 1:1 time. That was essential for DC1 and I staying connected.

Although there has been inevitable jealousy, hopefully your 6yo will be more understanding and helpful than my petulant at-the-time 3yo!

Not only will you love him as much as your first... you will love your first more when you see them together.

Babies bring their own love. It will be fine.

My Dh was scared about this and talked about it with his Dad, who said the same as the PP about them "bringing the love with them". Its absolutely true that you don't take anything away from the first child by also loving and caring for the second.

I'm definitely worried about this too! Have prepared myself for a 'slowburner' kind of feeling and if that happens will try to remember that it's fine and normal.
fairy that's good that your DH was/is reassured. I am slightly worrying about how on earth DC2 will get a look-in...DC1 is my DH's earth moon and stars!

Am also worried at this. Dc1 is only 12 months old so I know he won't really understand but I am worried I haven't out the same thought into the pregnancy and maybe this will filter through ? I bought new baby gro's today to try and treat the new baby a bit like DS ridiculous I know!

I promise you, you are worrying unnecessarily :) it is completely normal! it starts off a bit strange but I genuinely think it's a part of parenthood! You don't have a small pot of love, the candle analogy is so totally correct. With dc 1 I got that rush of love, dc 2 it wasn't the same sort of wow I think because I knew dc2 would be loved as I had that capacity.
Now, I can't imagine why I ever felt I wouldn't love the second one. But don't feel alone with thinking what you are thinking, it doesn't make you a bad person, sometimes it's hard to think you will love someone that you haven't yet met. I never thought I would fall in love with so done like DH! then I met him :)
see being worried as a sign that you will probably love this one even a little bit. ore ;) be. ore worried that number 2 will be completely different and a little monster (yes dc 2 looking at you) and yet still unfailingly adore you anyway

in all seriousness, see it as a part of your pregnancy but not one to get distressed over! it will come and you will sit there wondering why you spent so much time being worried :)

We are on number 3 this now and I promise you the love just grows and grows.

ooh I want a number 3 now!

3 is great!

I was afraid of this too. I had the rush of love the first time I saw DS1. With DS2 it took a while and Dh and I both said we wanted him but didn't love him like DS1.

I also didn't see how Id ever love him as much as DS1 cos I loved dS1 more and more as he got older/I knew him better and dS2 would always have 2 years less of love at any given moment iYSWIM.

Well, DS2 is 5 months and I love him just as much as DS1! I don't understand how, and it did take several weeks but its true. DS2 lights up every room he comes into and I would die for him, just as I would for DS1.

the other thing I found with dc 2, I really resented the fact that I never really got to spend as much time with him as dc1 alone :) not in a bad way but that the poor thing had to be fitted in around dc1 schedule! doesn't make me love either any less, if I'm honest sometimes a wee bit more. But that depends on which one is trying my nerves the most at any given time :)
btw never resented dc 1 for the lack of time, just the same as the navel gazing never happened so much with dc2. love both from the bottom of my heart equally. Am pretty sure you will too.

3 would be great! ( although I saw someone today with four and pregnant and I did think wow, v brave - mind you she had youth on her side and if I want to push out five I better have triplets if I get pregnant again! )

my personal fear about DC2 (due in 5 weeks) is not that I won't love him/her as much, its that I'll forget to feed him/her, or they won't wake to feed at night and I'll just sleep through and just forget to do everything you need to do for a newborn :(
I know newborns have their way of getting your attention/getting what I need, but I just think HOW DO YOU LOOK AFTER A NEWBORN??? What if I forget it all?? Ds is 2.2yo - no idea what you do with a newborn anymore....

It is different.
I have 3 and dc 3 definitely fitted in around the others, no time or space for lovely one to one with baby time, feeds fitting round school runs etc.

but the love just grows. I adore them all, they are very different so the things that melt my heart are different which each.

Thank you for the replies, I do feel a bit better now. But still having a wobble sometimes.

I very much want this baby, but ds and I have our little routines, our little things we do and I just hope that doesn't change too much.

I hope everything slots into place once baby is here.