Getting worried about DD4's size

[Helicoptopus]

DD is 5 in Dec, just started reception. She was a big baby (11.2 at birth) and I now think we made the wrong choices on feeding in the early months (mixed feeding and early weaning). Also since I had DD2, and with her gestational diabetes, I realise now DD1 probably had more sweet stuff than she should in the early years as 'treats' etc.

So now I am practically evangelical about low/no sugar and know a lot of people think I am too strict, particularly DH who does the cooking as he is a SAHD. He has a sweet tooth and is a real emotional eater. We have talked about it and he is on board, but will not cut everything out as he thinks a small amount of sweet stuff is part of a balanced diet (I don't). Anyway, DD is nearly 5 but getting on for size 7 clothes. She is tallest in her class, size 12 feet. So is what my gran would have called big boned. But I think she is also starting to carry too much weight but I'm struggling to know what to do about it. I don't want her to be sensitive about it and don't want to fall out with DH unecessarily if it turns out I'm being over the top.

Exercise wise she has PE twice a week. They have active play outside of course. A couple of times a week she goes to the park after school. On a Saturday she does dance and Sunday she has a swimming lesson. At the weekend we are always out and about and active.

Diet - she doesn't like cereal so generally has toast and marmite for breakfast. Nutella at the weekend, which she lives for and I don't have the heart to stop. Fruit for snack. Small sandwich and fruit/veg sticks for lunch. Small snack after school, often fruit again or yoghurt drops perhaps. Dinner usually chicken or salmon with veg and a carb. She loves spag Bol but only gets it once a week and that's the only pasta we have as I don't like to overdo carbs and I think she has plenty. A pudding only on Saturday/Sunday and probably an ice cream when we are out at the weekend.

She is actually becoming obsessed with sweets and puddings and constantly talks about them. I think I limit them pretty well, eg she was given a random small chocolate egg and has made it last a week.

But she is getting noticeably podgy around the tummy and thighs. What do I do? I couldn't forgive myself for creating a weight problem for her with the way we manage her food, but equally I don't want to create an issue with food either.

It doesn't help that DD2 is diddy, about half the size DD was at her age, and so perhaps DD1 looks bigger in comparison. I haven't weighed her or taken her Dr or HV as I don't want to register 'a problem' but maybe I should. I was overweight but have lost two stone and have got that 'reformed smokers zeal' approach, which is what is making me wonder if I'm too hyper.

If you've read this far, thank you (!) and do you have any thoughts? Thanks

In reception year, she will be measured and weighed and then you'll be informed if her weight is out of the ordinary. This might help you judge if you're worrying too much (although the reception year health check is hardly the most sophisticated instrument). Otherwise her diet and exercise levels sound good to me, although I am no expert.

I guess you could look at portion size as the level of exercise and food sounds good. You sound quite controlling about sweet stuff, and although I agree it shouldn't be seen as the norm to eat sweets all the time, you also don't want it being a forbidden treat that she then wants more.

Difficult to comment without knowing your DD but birth weight suggests maybe she was meant to be big? What is her height now, are the size 7 clothes due to her height or girth? FWIW my 3.9 year old DS is in size 5-6 clothing. Her diet sounds very good, they do get podgy at times then grow and my own approach would be to back off, not sweat about the sweet stuff, instead allow it in moderation, and let her regulate her own appetite and food intake. The obsessing re puddings is probably because of it being so restricted.

Have you looked at any of Ellyn Satter's books? I read these in the context of the opposite problem of DS eating very little but there is a lot in them about trusting children to regulate themselves and not try to restrict food intake as this can have the opposite to the desired effect. In essence they may get into the habit of eating more than they need when the opportunity arises out of uncertainty as to whether there will be enough food at other times.

She advocates giving an overweight child as much food as they want to eat consistently, to bring back their ability to self-regulate; giving treat food in moderation so again it does not become forbidden fruit; and letting go of one's own phobias about food and preconceptions of what our child "should" look like. Well worth a look on Amazon.

Hi OP, I'm coming from the polar opposite view but some of the advice I've had might work in reverse..

One thing is don't reward food with food. It seems obvious but I know I'm guilty of saying 'eat your fruit/veg/healthy snack and you can have X after'. Maybe try offering a non food treat if dd eats healthily instead?

Feel free to ignore my advice, but fwiw my dd is very underweight but wears some 5-6/6-7 clothes and shes the same age as your dd.

I agree with others that unless your portions are really big (and from your description of lunch as small sandwich - presumably two slices max? - I don't think they are likely to be) then the amount and type of food sounds fine.

If she has size 12 feet that would indicate to me that she is naturally big/tall for her age. My DD has also just started reception, is nearly 5 and has just gone into size 10s so 12 is quite big but surely not as a result of being overweight - I know there's been some press lately about increasing average shoe size being linked to an overweight population but I doubt that applies to reception age children.

You say that you haven't weighed her - why not? I weigh both mine every now and again out of curiosity, to see how they're growing. It doesn't have to be a big deal or in any way pre-judging that there's an issue. I'd be inclined to weigh her, check her height and have a look in the red book to see where she is on the percentile curves. If she's on roughly the same curve for weight as height I wouldn't worry about it any further. In fact, even if she is a line or two further up on weight than height, I'd be inclined to wait a couple of months and then check again, as a PP said they can go out and then up, and end up in balance again.

Hard though it is, I think you also need to try and relax a bit about puddings etc. It sounds as if perhaps a bigger deal is being made out of it than needs to be.

Check that she's having the right size portions for her age, make sure she's drinking plenty of water, keep the artificial sweeteners to a minimum (google artificial sweeteners and insulin.) Give it a couple of months and see how she does. It may be that she's due a growth spurt, it may be that she was eating more than she should.

I weigh and measure my children from time to time. Unless you make a big deal of it, I am sure you will be able to check her height and weight in a way that does not make her think there might be a problem. It is a normal thing to do from time to time.

Children need carbs and fat- just watch out you don't limit them too much and drive her appetite, which, if she's getting obsessed with high fat puddings etc it sounds like she might. Low fat/low carb diets aren't great for growing children.

Sign her up to more activities if you can. Mine do something most days- I emphasise energy balance, so they get a treat- cake, biscuit, crisps- on the days they do an organised activity.

Thanks everyone for your replies, sorry it's taken me a while to come back, it's been a busy couple of days.

You make some good points. No I don't think I know exactly what she eats as DH is indeed prone to random 'treats' but I think it is sinking in with him at last, so the situation will be better than it was. I found him spoon feeding her chocolate mousse when she was 7/8 months old (I don't think there is any need for a baby to have sweet stuff that early) and when challenged he said he wanted her to find out how nice chocolate is - so yes QT his approach defies sense really. But after some 'full and frank discussions' I think we might be getting there! Doesn't help that we both wish we were doing the opposite, ie I be SAHM and he work, but it's not possible and so these discussions are always laden with guilt and accusation, each of us feels, which clouds the issue.

I have read Ellyn Satter online Biscuit and found the division of responsibility principle useful. I couldn't let go too much though. We went to a party recently and I don't mind what gets eaten at a party; it's party food, anything goes. But where all the other kids, not under the influence of parents as everyone else was there alone, only me and party parents were adults on duty, ALL the other kids chose a mix, so the fruit, the veg, sarnies, pizza, sweets. All except DD, who had a plate of pizza and party rings and that was it.

We don't have scales at home so I'd have to take her to my DMs to weigh her. Might do. She was on the 98th centile all through the early years, it might be good to see if she still is. But I think she was over the weight she should have been at birth which may have been to do with undiagnosed GD which I had with DD2 and with very careful management I lost nearly three stone and she was 6-12. So I am now racked with guilt that DD1 had a bad start with all this!

And will try to relax a bit. And be less neurotic (god this parenting stuff is hard, huh?) Looking up portion size is a good idea. And when she's more settled into school I might increase the extra curricular activity levels but she's so tired just now I don't want to overdo it.

Thanks again x

micah
"Children need carbs and fat- just watch out you don't limit them too much and drive her appetite, which, if she's getting obsessed with high fat puddings etc it sounds like she might. Low fat/low carb diets aren't great for growing children."

My thoughts exactly. From what you say about obsession with sweets, set against your tight rein on basic foodstuffs like bread and pasta, it sounds like she is hungry.