Firstly I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone on MN for their amazing advice on my last thread. It was overwhelming....
Ok so ill go wayyyyyy back the the start...my ex and myself had a turbulent relationship....on and off for 7 years with breaks often lasting longer than the spells we had back together, he cheated repeatedly then turned it all around on me to make me think it was my fault. On one occasion I found out he cheated when he was on a night out and his phone rang my phone whilst I was in the bath...his phone was in his pocket and he was unaware that he had called and everything recorded on my voicemail....him with another woman, other women saying "but you've got a girlfriend"...him saying "so fucking what"....you can guess the rest.
Fast forward to one of our breaks which lasted 5 months...I was overweight, unhappy, desperate for attention I suppose after so many months being told I was a mess. I had a one night stand (not my finest hour) which resulted in me getting pregnant. I already had one daughter with the ex I was just talking about. I was scared, terrified actually but I knew with everything I had in me that I was going to make the best of it and be happy. It was when I was 6 weeks pregnant that the ex came back into the picture. He had heard that I was pregnant and caught me at a time when I was at my lowest and suggested we make another go of it. Mainly for the sake of my daughter we already had together I agreed that it would be a good idea.
I was and always have been completely honest about the situation, he decided to keep the fact that my youngest wasnt his from his family. When I had her everything was fine, He was with me when I gave birth, he came with me to register her and insisted on putting his name on her birth certifucate as her named father because thats what he considered himself to be.
We broke up for good a year later and thats when he decided to drop the bombshell that she wasnt his to his family. His dad and his sister have been fine about it and were disgusted to think that he thought it would make any difference, his mother didnt want to see her any more and since then decided not to see our other daughter either.
Now since we split up he has always had them every other weekend, he has always given me £200 a month without fail...but as they have gotten older our eldest (his biological daughter) wants to see him more. She says that once a fortnight isnt enough and I agree....this is where it gets complicated.
His girlfriend has 4 children of her own from previous relationships and so when they go to their dads it must be a complete mad house. My eldest is constantly told that work will always come first because "thats what pays the maintenance..." whenever she says she wants to see him more. I have had to deal with temper tantrums from her rebelling all because he cant pay her enough attention. The last two weeks shes been amazing.
Whenever they both come back from their dads they both tell me that they are only allowed to drink at meal times....one drink.....and that my youngest is treated considerably different to the eldest.
This weekend just gone she rang me 2 hours after id dropped them over for the weekend begging me to collect her. I text her back and asked what had happened and it was after he had heard her on the phone he went nuts on her. She had arrived and forgotten her pjs so he'd made her squeeze into her sisters (whos 6) pjs. she was humilated and started to cry. he got cross and knocked over a box of the tiny lego and made her get on her hands and knees to tidy it away all the while was there with our youngest saying "give daddy a cuddle, SHE diesnt deserve one because shes a cry baby!" He then went through her phone reading all of her messages allowed to everyone in the house at the time embarrassing her further. He told her that everytime she visited he would confiscate her phone so that she couldnt call me to tell me what was going on.
Obviously I went straight over there and collected her and she was in floods of tears, it was then that infront of her he said that he was done with her and he didnt want to see her anymore. He said that she had a disgusting attitude to which I pointed out that he did too. He said she needed smacking to sort her out....absolutely no way would I ever raise a hand to my children. He told me that he didnt need this shit when he'd been to work all week...i pointed out that i also work and have my girls 12 days out of 14 and he basically shrugged it off and told me that it was my place to sort it out and until then he wanted nothing more to do with her.
My youngest daughter that isnt biologically his stayed the weekend with him and came back on the Sunday and had had a great time. He even gave her money for her money box and he didnt even ask where his daughter was to apologize or anything. He just dropped the youngest and went on his way. It was when he had gone that my youngest told me that his girlfriend had said she could have 10 of her over there but non of our other daughter.
All my eldest wants is love and attention from her father yet he seems dead set on either upsetting her, belittling her or telling her shes pathetic and doesnt want to see her any more.
What i would like advice on is whether I should stop him seeing our other daughter too....I obviously in an ideal world would love them to see their dad as much as they would like but i dont want to make my eldest feel any worse about the situation and further her self destructive behavior by accepting that he clearly treats one better than the other. I feel that until he can be a proper father and treat them both the same and sorts his attitude out he should get fucked basically....work always comes first, he is always ringing me and asking me to have them on the weekend that he is supposed to have them....its now getting beyond a joke and I cannot let it continue. Ive spoken to his sister about this all today and she is disgusted in him....what do you all think? Should i do something?? My eldest daughter is adamant that she will not go over any more and I have to say I dont blame her.
Thanks in advance...J xxx