How can we get DS to change his tone?

[BertieBotts]

He just comes across so attitude/rude/entitled sometimes. Like DH just got a pizza out of the freezer and DS (who had already had his tea) sneered at him "Are you making that for you?"

I genuinely don't think he realises how he's coming across. It was meant in a curious/conversational way, not a scathing one. He wasn't hungry (and had been given the option of pizza or pasta earlier).

He's nearly six. We're at a bit of a loss as to what to do/say at the time because as said earlier, he's not intending to be rude. He just doesn't seem to realise how he comes across.

Record him and play it back. And make sure it's not being modelled by anyone, perhaps unconsciously. I also wouldn't engage at all when he's rude, even though he may not realise he's doing it

When my six yr old does this I presume she's got it from me.

Take a moment to sit down with him and say that there's a new house rule that we all speak nicely to each other. Ask and answer questions about what that means, but don't lecture and avoid telling him off. Then praise him every time his tone is good/acceptable, e.g. 'I notice you asked for that in a nice tone, that makes me really want to do X'. And don't accept the rudeness - either ignore it or say something like 'that sounded rude, can we try it again with a better tone?'

I sort of agree with the other two posters, he will have learned it from somewhere - make sure you are aware of your own tone, both to him and to each other, even when you're stressed or tired. But he could easily have picked it up from classmates or other parents!

Whether he means it or not, if he says something in a rude way then he needs to be made aware of it. Just a gentle comment of "that came across badly, please try again in a nicer tone"