How to get three year old to do as she is told?

[longestlurkerever]

Hello everyone. Dd has just turned three and has had an iron will since she was very small. This has never bothered me that much. We have picked our battles and she is now good at playking with other children without pushing and snatching and she is sensible near roads and other dangers but to get her to do things she doesn't want to do involves negotiations, bribery or physically picking her up.

I thought this was pretty typical but pre-school keep mentioning it at their end of day feedback in quite a critical way. They say she doesn't listen and follow instructions like stopping playing and coming to the carpet. Since then I have found myself getting much crosser with her whenever she is disobedient. Like this morning when she wouldn't get in the shower and then wouldn't stop emptying all the shampoo into the bath.

Could you help me with what my expectations should be at this age and if she should be doing what I ask by now how do I address it without turning our daily lives into a constant battle?

I ask once and only once. Wont sit down after the first request - physically bring her to sit down. Wont stop messing with the shampoo after the first request - take it off her. Wont get in the shower after the first request - pick her up and put her in it.

Thanks think. Should this be a work in progress at dd's age or should I have cracked it by now? Trying to work out what nursery are telling me. They sound quite surprised that she doesn't always do what she is told but she has only been there a week and they are experienced early years teachers. Is dd really so unusual?

I would say many would have been doing this for the last six months to a year so that when they go to Nursery it isnt such a shock to have to do something on the first instruction however now that theyve told you then you need to start doing something about it.

They dont have the manpower to deal eith thirty kids who refuse to come and sit at carpet time.

Maybe they mention it to see whether you said "oh she does listen at home" or "when she doesnt listen at home I do xyz"?

Personally I think there are 2 ways to approach this -

1. Discipline / punish / consequences until she comes round to obedience

1. Unless it is safety critical, ignore "disobedience" but it just makes her miss out on stuff, and soon she will want to do what you ask.

In my (albeit not huge but I have an incredibly stubborn 3 yo dd ) it's a phase and if ignored and you don't give it fuel of attention, it will pass. Well it worked for us!

Oh and it's preschools problem when she is there. They tend to behave differently in different settings anyway, they understand different rules apply with different people.

And actually thinking about it our preschool have done the ignore thing with dd and she came round within a week. Don't come to circle time. Fine she sat there and missed out and wasn't allowed to play with toys when everyone else had a story. Won't go outside? Fine sit there with no toys again. It was just 3 sessions and she was great again

Thanks. I will try being stricter with her. We are away for three weeks so I can't really ask preschool any more about it till I am back. That's why I was asking about expectations really as I have the chance to try a new regime while we're away. She isn't new to nursery though. She has been going since she was 15 months and no one has ever said anything bad - apart from about toilet training which is quite literally another thread.