When will this get better?

[mermaid101]

Or will it ever?
I know this has probably been done to death, but I have a baby of ten weeks and a 3 year old and I'm really struggling.

I'm finding it really hard generally, but the worst thing is lack of sleep. The baby is FF. I'm actually really lucky as he goes down for the night at between 6.30 and 7.30 and usually sleeps until about 1am when he wakes for a feed. However, after this he really doesn't go back to sleep. He doesn't seem at all hungry and won't really take any more milk, but won't settle again. He just seems to want to be up and downstairs.

I'm getting about three hours sleep a night. I try to go to bed as early as possible, but just can't drop off to sleep. I do have some family help and my husband takes a turn when he can, so I known I'm better off than most, but I'm starting to feel like I can't cope. The baby doesn't really nap in the day. I think he's very tired, but finds it hard to sleep. I try to help by rocking, patting etc, but it's difficult with my toddler around.

Can someone offer some encouragement. I really feel like I'm at the end of my tether!

Sleep deprivation was a killer for me, so you have my sympathy. What is he doing in this awake time? If he's not crying, could you just leave him for a bit?

Don't worry though, there are a few things you can try.

Have you got a sling? I used to stick dc2 in mine when I was doing things like taking Dc1 to preschool, whilst we were at playgroup and when I was doing things like cooking dinner. Dc2 used to nap in that after a while.

I know its hard, but do you get outside twice a day? Could you get your DH to take him in the garden with a at about 7am while you get a bit of time in bed?

Have you tried a dream feed? If DH goes to bed later than you, it might be worth getting him to try one, just to see if it makes any difference.

Have you read 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep?. I think it has some useful tips.

He does get up with both of them (baby about 5.30 and older one at about 7am) when he can. This makes a bit of difference. He can only do this if he isn't working though.

When the baby is up after about 1am he is just really grumbling. If I rock his basket he can last doing this till about 5am. If I leave him he get really upset and cries. I think he must be over tired but he just won't sleep!

I have thought about a dream feed but I'm very worried about disrupting his long sleep

I'd give the dream feed a go, I'm not usually a fan, but in this case it sounds worthwhile giving it a go.

If he is grumbling, would he sleep if you put him in bed with you? Alternatively, how about trying one of these?

Thanks jilted. I probably wouldn't have him in the bed with us if I could avoid it. My DH is a smoker and now is not the time for him to stop. Things are really fraught just now anyway!

I think I'll give the dream feed a go. I'm not sure that he is really hungry, as he doesn't seem interested in his bottle in the morning, but anything is worth a go. I've got a baby Bjorne carrier but haven't used it much so ill try that during the day.

Thanks for the response. I'm really struggling just now

Hi OP, I do sympathise! Sleep deprivation is just horrendous.

I think you definitely need to work on trying to get him to sleep more during the day - obviously they're a wide range of normal but my boy slept for at least 3-4 hrs a day at ten weeks.

I'd definitely second the sling rec - if he's not too much above average weight then you'd still get good use out of a stretchy wrap or Close Caboo carrier, both of which would be much comfier for both of you then a Baby Bjorn. You can get some great second-hand slings on eBay or Fbook selling groups - let me know if you want any more info.

I think at this stage I'd be trying anything I could to get him to sleep more during the day, even if that meant letting him fall asleep on me, at the bottle, in the car or in the pram. Worth a try, at least! Chin up and you're not alone x

Understand about you not wanting to put him in bed with you if DH smokes. Could you see if DH will sign up to Stoptober?

I used a sling like this when dd was little. Some children's centres have a library of them to loan out, or if you google your county with the words baby sling, you might find a local sling library.

Ime you need one that is super easy to put on.

If DH is home, could he take them both to the park for an hour so that you can have a break?

Sounds like your baby is massively overtired and that is interfering with his ability to sleep better... Def try the sling/carrier during the day. Also, can you get to some parent and child groups during the day? Won't help with the sleep but could help with the sanity! Can grandparents help - rocking the baby during the day, taking the toddler off your hands, so you can naP a bit?
I know sleep deprivation hell, it is beyond awful. ((Hugs))

Thanks so much. It looks like the sling/carrier might be the way forward. Ill give the one I have a go over the next few days. I love the look of the stretchy ones, but I don't think I'd feel confident getting them on right just now. I do think he is very over tired. I looked at the link suggested and it said there that the more peaceful the day, the more peaceful the night. That made a lot of sense to me.

Thanks peregrin

I do have help from my mum some days. My relationship with her is a bit complex and negative, but she is a good help with this sort of thing.

I just feel like I need to be a bit self sufficient. I can't rely on outside help forever. I really want to be able to manage, but I just find a day so hard with two when I'm so tired.

I suppose I could go to a group. I just feel so teary and exhausted I don't really think I'm up to it.

Please don't worry about being self sufficient yet, in lots of cultures you don't even get out of bed for the first 6 weeks at least.

Sounds like you have a similar relationship with your DM as I do with mine. How would you feel about asking her to take them both for a walk?

Thought you might like this too:

^If you need a nap and your toddler doesn’t

Childproof a room of the house that has:

a door or a baby gate (so your toddler can’t “escape” and play in the toilet while you’re resting)
a bed or comfortable spot on the floor where you can lie down and nurse
interesting toys that your toddler is likely play with without much interaction – some moms also put on a favorite video
a snack and a drink for toddler
When you want to nap (or at least rest) while baby naps, close off the door so you can lie down with baby without worrying about what your toddler is getting into. A friend says she would lie on the floor with baby and let her toddlers use mom as a “road” for their matchbox cars – rest and a massage all “rolled” into one!^

You have a baby of ten weeks and a toddler and you feel you should be self sufficient?! Maybe in the land of fairy tales where DCs sleep 12 hours at night without waking, take copious naps, and are perfect little angels in between...

Seriously, I take my hat off to your aspirations but it sounds to me as if the first thing you need to tackle are your expectations of yourself. I am not saying you should take off to a cruise holiday without the children so you can get some rest, but you need more rest or more help and preferably both.

Re. groups, I did not leave the house after my non-sleeping DS was born - save for walking him in the hope he'll nod off for at least half an hour - for two and a half months. I just felt I was not coping as it was (I was literally hallucinating from the sleep deprivation), and that was despite having my mother stay with me to help nearly full time, and having no other children to take care of. Then some people from my antenatal group found out and encouraged me in the most lovely way to come and at least have a cup of tea made for me. It was not an easy decision but I was really glad I went. Nothing earth shattering but having that bit of normalcy felt so good, and being in an environment where no-one was judging, and connecting with other mothers who were also having a hard time (there was one other mum who was as much at the end of her tether as me and it was so good to be understood).

In your case, you could also find company for your toddler while you sit with other mums with older DCs - double win! So I would really encourage you to give it a thought.

Great post peregrin