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Bit worried by 13yo isn't being very kind to his friend

7 replies

Explored · 20/09/2014 21:17

I don't know if you could really describe them as friends, as the friend has some issues that mean his social skills are very off. I've never been told officially what/if SN he has but you know as soon as you meet him that he's very different. He's 15, 2 school years above my DS but seems younger than DS IYSWIM.

Anyway they travel to school on the bus together but recently the friend has complained to me a few times about DS sitting with other people and occasionally DS has either been running late and not had time to knock for him or has "forgotten" to knock.

When they're together things are very much on the friends terms, conversation is about his interests (Minecraft) and the only thing they really do together is Minecraft.

DS has in the past been very loyal to him and in his first term at secondary went to find friend HOY to explain that an incident on the bus, that saw friend excluded wasn't the way the school thought it was. His differentness makes him an easy target for some of the other kids.

Anyway, in the normal course of events I don't interfere with friendship issues and leave them to sort things out amongst themselves. I can see why DS might prefer to be with his other friends sometimes and I can also see that this friend might be annoying at times. e.g. he wouldn't be happy to sit with Ds and his other friends, he wants DS to himself. OTOH, I don't want him treating this boy badly.

WWYD?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Explored · 20/09/2014 21:54

No-one?

OP posts:
Explored · 21/09/2014 18:56

Can I try again now there are a few more people about?

OP posts:
todayisnottheday · 21/09/2014 19:00

Sorry I've read several times and but I'm not clear what the question is, what wyd about what?

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2014 19:03

All you can do,is have a chat with him, and ask him if his friendship with this lad is changing/has changed. If it has, you can tell him he shouldn't be unkind to this boy, but he doesn't have to carry on being his friend, if he feels the friendship has gone.

Explored · 21/09/2014 19:03

Would you leave them to it or try to "make" DS be kinder?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2014 19:10

I would encourage him to be kinder - maybe ask him to try to see things from the friend's point of view, and use that to decide how he acts from now on.

I guess I am saying I wouldn't make him carry on spending lots of time with him, but I might encourage him to carry on knocking for him and getting the bus with him, at least some of the time. And I am sure your son will still stick,up for this lad,,if others are picking on him, or if he gets into trouble wrongly, as happened before.

todayisnottheday · 21/09/2014 19:17

Oh I see, you think the forgotten calls are ds way of stepping back from the friendship? Tbh I'd leave him to it. It doesn't sound like he's being mean as such, more distancing himself. Any outright meanness should be addressed but you can't expect him to keep a friendship he doesn't want because you feel bad for the other person. The other child really needs some support to widen his friendship group - which may not be easy for him - but that's not your ds fault or responsibility.

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